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Elon Dice Clay [1]

['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']

Date: 2025-02-08

By David Glenn Cox

Tesla sales in Germany fell by 59% last month. Now, that’s more like it! California sales were only down by 36% and I thought to myself, don’t these people read the news? But what I found amusing was the way the story was reported in our oh, so Free Press. “Tesla Sales Lag Behind Volkswagen, Seat and BMW” as in, lagging behind everyone in the world. Ah yes, the famous lags behind. Other lagging indicators, Customers report they would rather take a beating or catch a sexually transmitted disease than to purchase a new Tesla.

59%! Holy mudhead Mackerel that’s comic sans out of business! That’s Gilligan, I’m going to lunch. I’ll be back in an hour business. Don’t let anything happen to the store while I’m gone! Somewhere deep in an ultra-cool state of the art boardroom somewhere, Tesla corporate officers pull at their hair and mumble shut up! Shut Up! Shut Up! In an angry fury imitating Tourette’s syndrome. It’s like the whole company just went up in a puff of smoke and now somehow the dream is dead and gone.

Many of these corporate officers losing their sanity and mumbling incoherently to themselves are paid a great deal of their compensation in Tesla stock. Shut up motherfucker! Shut up! Unlike a Chevy Corvair, this isn’t a question of technology, styling or model modification. The public doesn’t like Elon anymore, and that can’t be undone. Elon has had his day in the sun. Elon will never again be the darling of the marketplace. His shadow and alter ego will follow haunting him forever. If the public likes you, they like you, but it’s subject to change without notice. If the public doesn’t like you, they don’t like you and it’s not subject to change. You hated him in 2025; you’ll really hate him by 2030 Elon Dice Clay!

First Prize in this year’s County hog calling contest is a new Tesla 3 automobile! Second prize is Two Tesla 3 automobiles! It reminds me of the story about the guy in China who attached hundreds of skyrockets to his chair. It attracted all kinds of attention, and everyone thought, “My, he really has a handle on that new technology.” Then came the big day when he lit the fuse and whoosh! All that was left behind was a cloud of blue smoke and nervous laughter. He soon became an object of ridicule. People would just say, “whoosh!” sometimes at random just to break the monotony and to make everyone laugh.

There are comparable business failings out there, I suppose. Though nothing comparable comes to mind, and the automotive business is a cut throat business at best. Tesla had a head start on the electric car market which they have now totally squandered. They had the public’s good will and extra credit for being a domestic innovator, but now they’ve lost it. Now the public sees Tesla as a radical company run by an insane clown puppet headed for history’s dustbin. A harlequin, drunk and disorderly on power and running wild like a wet dog in the house.

Soon the layoffs will begin and the departure of key employees moving on to greener and more electric pastures. Either Elon goes or Tesla goes. Maybe (probably) both but don’t throw those Tesla’s away yet. Push those old Voltrons to the back of the garage. Like a DeLorean, they might be worth some money someday as a cultural oddity. Maybe they’ll make a film comedy “Back to the Failure.” Tesla is this generation’s Billy Beer, Disco ball or mechanical bull craze.

“Swasticar.” Okay, let’s study on this subject for a moment. If the public has already labeled your product as the “SWASTICAR’. Realistically, is it already too late to save the game? Can a catchy jingle and a ten-million-dollar advertising blitz with pretty girls turn things around? Maybe we can get that redneck cowboy star singing about his “Small Town.” The MAGIC Eight Ball says, “Success not bloody likely.” Would you like to ride in my beautiful buffoon? Way up in the air in my beautiful Buffoon! All New for 2025! The Tesla Buffoon!

Now, after ALL credibility has been drained away from Tesla, where does that leave SpaceX? Does Elon take off his crazy hat at Tesla and clock in with his sane clothes on at SpaceX? I suspect Elon’s public persona will bleed over. It’s just wrong watching SpaceX launches chanting to myself, Blow! Blow! Blow! Come on, motherfucker blow!

Look out the window and mark time. The King’s popularity will never be as high as it is today. Historically, these are the good times for an Administration. Then the newness wears off and they become unpopular. That’s funny calling Elon just unpopular. He’s the epitome of unpopularity and it’s only going to get worse from here on out. Andrew Dice Clay was a hot comic as they say in Hollywood, for about five minutes. The future was wide open then the public tired of him and they showed him the door to forever.

Imagine, like in a dream, you become wildly successful and rich beyond a King’s imagination. Only to discover you’ve lost the ability to close your mouth. The devil taunts you! And soon, despite your billions you are reviled all over the world. You can’t even go out in public anymore. He’s becoming a prisoner to his wealth. Can the oxygen chambers and weird sexual routines be far off? 24 hr. round the clock showings of “Ice Station Zebra?” Renting whole floors of hotels so Elon can run naked with Kleenex boxes on his feet to the ice machine.

It is truly an episode of the Twilight Zone come to life . For your consideration, a little man with big dreams strives night and day seeking his fame and fortune reaching for the top. Only to lose it all recklessly. Haunted by the demons of prosperity and taunted by his own cranial limitations. Proving the old saying, once and for all, “It is better to remain silent and to be thought a fool than to speak and remove all doubt.”

Oh, and one more thing; since for now anyway you have only this one small planet to live on and all. It is probably best to watch your mouth at least till you get your Mars Colony built. You never know, “Whoosh!”

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