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DT's narcissism [1]

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Date: 2025-01-31

I’m writing this diary so some can have a better understanding as to how and why Donald Trump acts and reacts the way he does. I’ve posted some of this in comments and thought a diary might give more insight. The links will give you much more information but this might enlighten some. I am not a psychologist. I am a person who experienced a covert narcissistic mother for 63 years. She died ten years ago. I have been in therapy, off and on, dealing with all that occurs being the child, and adult child, of a narcissistic parent, amongst other life situations.

The damage done to a child by a narcissistic parent is incalculable. Some have married narcissists, others have had narcissistic parents. We now have a severely narcissistic POTUS.

Narcissistic parents have different categories for their children.

Caretaker: The kid who cleans the house to make mommy/daddy happy. Or do ANYTHING to make the parent happy. I was that kid. One experience I remember: Spending a whole day, when I was 14 years old, cleaning the house. Bathrooms, toilets, kitchen, mopped the floor, etc. My mother comes home and is so excited and says, “Oh look, someone’s been really busy today.” I am feeling super cool. I did something great and am getting acknowledged. We walk into the kitchen and she then tells me how I didn’t mop the coves of the linoleum correctly, and she’ll have to show me so I can do it right next time. That’s what she focused on, not everything else.

I was her scapegoat until the day she died. Repeatedly, she had to tell me something I did that upset her. Recently or even 40 years in the past. Also that my children, daughter-in-law, and husband did something that upset her. A Thanksgiving that I thought went well. Everyone went to my parents house and it seemed a good day. Five days later, I get a call from NM (narcissistic mother) to tell me that my husband ruined her Thanksgiving. He didn’t say Happy Thanksgiving when he walked into the house and that hurt her tremendously. I asked my husband about that situation and he explained that he was raised to not interrupt people if they were talking and she was talking. I call that being blindsided. Year after year after year and situation after situation, I would find out later that she was unhappy with something and I was supposed to make it better, when I couldn’t. Exhausting and I walked on eggshells all the time wondering when that call was going to come. So many other stories!

In therapy I realized I would never, ever be good enough, or do enough for her. Because of that imprint from birth, you also doubt you are good enough for anything or anyone else. For the first 10 years of my marriage when my husband said he loved me, I told him he was lying. In my mind, due to the abuse, there wasn’t anything lovable about me. (That has changed through therapy. I’m pretty damned good and my sense of humor gets me through a lot now.)

Is Don Junior the scapegoat or Eric? The scapegoat can switch depending on the parents mood or actions of the kids. Are they rebellious or acquiescent?

The golden child. The one who has to be perfect. This is the child that helps the parent fulfill their agenda. They are put on a pedestal. I always think of the pictures of DT and Ivana with this category.

Some adult chlidren of narcissists go no contact. Others low contact (which I did) and some are still mired in the vortex of having a narcissistic parent because they don’t realize what it is they’re living in or see no way of escape.

I want to share some aspects of narcissism in the hopes that it can shed some light on what we’re dealing with today.

FOG: They use fear, obligation, and guilt to control others. Another link. Donald Trump has used the fear of retaliation against so many. For some, that fear has worked to shut them up.

DARVO. Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim — Offender. It is never, ever their fault for anything. They will always deny, attack anyone pointing out the truth and then become the victim rather than the offender they are. We see that all the time with Donald Trump. Now you will be able to point out when he is using DARVO . It is obvious.

Projection:

Calling you things you are not but that they are.

Gradiosity, mimicking and exageration.

Preemptive strike: Whenever a narcissistic person feels threatened , they will call you the things that they themselves are or are afraid that others see them as.

narcissistic person feels threatened Playing the victim

The No! You defense. I didn’t say that — YOU did. I didn’t do that — You did.

Gaslighting: Gaslighting is a form of abuse that can make you question reality or feel confused. We are now being abused by a gaslighting Congress (Republicans specifically.) Look at January 6th for an example. We watched it. We saw the officers being attacked. Yet…….47 and his ilk tried to gaslight all of us by saying they were only on a tour. With narcissistic gaslighting, you don’t know what you know, see what you see, hear what you hear, even if it’s truth and reality. They want you to doubt yourself, your seeing, hearing, and knowing. They will even ghost you to try and make you grovel back to them and do their bidding.

Narcissistic Feed . Narcissists must be validated. Adored. Narcissists can be fed with positive and negative as long as it’s about them. But, the positive must outweigh the negative or DARVO ensues. They manipulate and control others to feel good. Their goals are more important than yours. You must align yourself to their ideas, thought, actions. Can you imagine if anyone on Trump’s cabinet doesn’t align themselves with him from now on? Remember Pence and the water bottle incident?

There are five types of narcissism . You can find much more info at each link.

Overt narcissist These are more common. Many marry overt narcissists and realize later on, things just aren’t right. They will compliment you and make you seem very important until they have you under their control. These narcissists feel entitled to have affairs. Much more vocal about their feelings. Believe they are superior in the relationship. Outgoing, arrogant, entitled, lacking empathy, etc.

Covert narcissist . Covert narcissists are a little more confusing and dangerous because of the subtlety of their narcissism. Very focussed on self-importance and need lots and lots of tactics to get the reassurance that they are more important. Defensive, tendency to play the victim.

Antogonistic narcissist. Traits include grandiosity, entitlement, aggression, and a lack of empathy.

Communal narcissist. One example: They consider themselves unique and special and want the world to believe they are the best listener, friend, mother, volunteer, etc.

Malignant narcissis t. I read this article I linked to in 2017, How to Know You’re Dealing with a Malignant Narcissist. I wanted to understand Donald Trump. There is one phrase in that article that stood out to me and we find ourselves in that situation today. “A person with malignant narcissism has the potential to destroy families, communities, nations, and work environments.”

This is why we are in the position we are in. Donald Trump is a malignant narcissist. I am not a psychologist but that is my opinion from experience. People don’t realize what that means to us just by reading it. They are just words until we look at malignant cancer. ……..“tending to produce death or deterioration; tending to infiltrate, metastasize, and terminate fatally." Read that a few times and you’ll realize what is happening to this country. “Malignancy is a dangerous diagnosis that will likely cause death unless treated”. We saw his malignancy in action even during today’s press conference and those that are in his vortex. They repeat his words. They won’t go against him. Donald Trumps’ malignancy has metastasized into many.

Donald Trump is going to produce death and deterioration. How do we treat him and his presidency to stop as much death as possible? If we don’t, “we” meaning the Democrats in office, there will be many fatalities. Not only governmental but human. Over a million died during Covid because a malignant narcissist was in charge. Officers died due to January 6th because that day was all about Donald Trump.

I don’t have the answers. As a collective, maybe we will be able to deal with this malignancy and treat it until it’s gone.

I highly recommend that everyone become knowledgeable regarding narcissism because Donald Trump personifies all of its aspects. When he attacks anyone it is 100% who he is and what he does. You will recognize projection, DARVO, FOG and more when he speaks or acts. It doesn’t change things right now but it does help to understand what we’re dealing with.

Have you experienced narcissism personally? We, as a nation, can now say we have.

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