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Free Trump Calendar! Be Prepared for the Next 4 Years! [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2025-01-28
I have been receiving emails from some kind of scammer offering the “Free Trump Calendar”. I have been religiously marking them as phishing emails and deleting them, but I got to wondering just what a “Trump Calendar” might look like. Based on Trump’s past actions, I think I have developed a pretty good facsimile of what is likely on a Trump Calendar.
First of all, after renaming various geographical locations, I am sure the simple construct of a calendar would hold few challenges for a person with so many “bigly” ideas. So I believe the first thing to go would be that archaic notion that there needs to be 365 days in a year. Why that is just wacky. It seems like every year, dates fall on different days. We can fix this by having only 10 months, of 35 days each month. That works out to 350 days per year, which should be close enough. After all, it is not as though there could be any scientific reason for the current model.
Secondly, we would want to get rid of the old month names. They just confuse people anyway. We will just name every month “Trumpember” and that will clear up all that confusion. We should not really expect that there will be much change in the routine during this administration. Also, by the end of his term, we can expect plenty of embers.
And there is no reason to hang on to those old-fashioned names for the days of the week, so we will start the week off with a salute to our Evangelicals, with “Evangelday”. Next we pay homage to his best Nazi bro, Elon, with “Muskday”; followed by Trump’s favorite day of the week, “Griftday”. “Vladday”, is the appropriate name for our former “humpday”; and then we have “Conday”, a tip of the hat to the great con-man, and also to his favorite sleaze producer, Kelleyanne Conjob. “Juniorday” is just so Donnie Jr. cannot say he never got anything from his dad; and we end the week on “Americaday”.
We will, of course need special holidays to commemorate all of the “great” we are experiencing, and there is no better way to start the week off than with Trump’s favorite holy day pastime, “Avoid Church Day”. This is the day set aside for him to wave upside bibles for photo-ops, and other fun activities.
One may notice there seem to be many days marked as “Deportation Day”. Well, you obviously cannot have too many of those if you plan to deport those millions of people working to put food on your table. You may also notice a number of days designated as, “Cheat At Golf Day”. Once again, not a day you would want to limit.
Other special days are designated to insure enough opportunities for all of the really important stuff to get handled; but just to make sure, there is one “Wild Card! Batshit Crazy Day”, to accommodate any really stupid crap that does not fit elsewhere in the calendar. You just never know when he might need to insult a foreign dignitary, or organize a battleship demolition derby.
In the spirit of the “Free” calendar I keep getting those emails about, you can feel free to copy this one for your own use. It really is free! And, there are only 1453 days to go!
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