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There is no convincing them otherwise [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2025-01-24
In honor of Donald Trump's new Free And Reciprocal Trade (FART) policy - and no, I'm not making that up - I would like to present something I did make up...
A MIGHTY WIND
As you have doubtless heard by now, CNN is reporting that Donald Trump put in a surprise visit at today's press briefing. He walked on stage, took Sarah Huckabee Sanders' place at the podium, swatted her on the ass and told her to get him a Big Mac. He then took the microphone from the lectern, hitched up the back of his sport coat, put the microphone down the back of his pants, and with a grimace, farted for several seconds. He then dropped the microphone and left the stage.
I will now explain to you why this was not only brilliant persuasion, but perhaps the greatest persuasion move of all time.
IT WAS GENERAL ENOUGH TO THROW HIS DETRACTORS INTO DISARRAY WHILE REINFORCING HIS BASE
Was the "fart heard 'round the world" aimed at the press? At liberals? At congressional democrats? At half-hearted Republican supporters in congress? BLM? None of that matters. By not singling out any group, Trump allows those viewing it to fill in their particular brand of outrage. His enemies are clamoring over each other vying to be the most profoundly offended.
Meanwhile, his base is delighted. They "get it", they are in on the joke, and enjoying the spectacle of liberals everywhere melting into apoplectic fits.
IT IS MEMORABLE BECAUSE IT IS OUT OF THE ORDINARY
I have spoken to many prominent Republicans, and the few of my liberal friends who will still speak to me at all, and they all agree that no politician, let alone a president, has ever farted into the microphone during a press conference. You will remember this event precisely because of this - it breaks out of the mold, defies norms, and rewrites the playbook. Trump is living in your head, rent-free.
IT DOMINATES THE NEWS CYCLE
Once again, Trump has demonstrated his command of messaging, making even his enemies in the press dance to his (admittedly flat) tune. All of the major news outlets are covering it. His face is everywhere - that grimace when he "let fly" will surely be the meme of the decade.
IT PROVIDES COVER FOR CONGRESSIONAL REPUBLICANS AS THEY ENACT TRUMP'S AGENDA
Because Republicans really, really hope their base does not catch on to what they are actually doing right now. Trump has controlled the message, focused all the attention on himself, and so improved the chances of his yuge personal tax break passing.
IT REAFFIRMS HIS ALPHA MALE STATUS, WHILE REJECTING POLITICAL CORRECTNESS
Not only does his fart accomplish this, but also the ass-slap and lunch order to Huckabee-Sanders. Indeed, there will be many women secretly wishing they were getting his Big Mac.
EDIT: On a final note, I have timed the video, and Trump's fart lasted exactly 5.38 seconds. Nothing he does is coincidence.
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If you are bloated, gassy, and loathed by two-thirds of your countrymen, you might like *my book*
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