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Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2025-01-15
Oh! More Things I Know: ❧ Donald J. Trump is now and forever a convicted felon. ❧ I’m going to make it rich within minutes after unveiling my creation of the most valuable currency in America: Eggcoin. ❧ The accomplishments of the Biden administration piled up so fast that almost no one remembers how he eradicated windmill-noise cancer his first year in office. ❧ Democrats block Republican policy ideas because facts show they don't work. Republicans block Democratic policy ideas because facts show they do. ❧ So far in the new year I've been really good at writing 2024 instead of 2024. Also what I know: Republicans are the #1 violators of their own billboards. ❧ Next Monday the oath of office will be interrupted when the president-elect stops Chief Justice Roberts mid-sentence to sway to Ave Maria for 40 minutes. ❧ When visitors from another planet arrive and offer to give GOP leaders a tour of their spaceship, Speaker Johnson and majority leader Thune will just have to figure out on their own that To Serve Man is a cookbook. ❧ Why was Secretary of State Antony Blinken so successful at negotiations? Two words: ”judo chop!" ❧ Coming soon to a GOP line of attack near you: voter fraud studies showing no voter fraud prove that voter fraud studies are rife with voter fraud study fraud. ❧ Kamala Harris will leave office having failed to partake in the time-honored vice presidential ritual of shooting a lawyer in the face while quail hunting. ❧ Trickle-down economics doesn’t lift all boats. It just floats the yachts. ❧ And, as with every previous year, the #1 phrase of 2025 will be: "I swear this is not from The Onion." And now, our feature presentation...
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, January 15, 2025
Note: If you're twisting up a blunt this morning, here's a test to see if you've had too much: when you're convinced that today's date—011525—is a palindrome, you've had too much. Have a mellow day. —Mgt.
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8 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Hot Sauce Day: 7
Days 'til Minnesota's St. Paul Winter Carnival: 8
Number of Trump's first 100 days during which Rachel Maddow will return to doing her show five nights a week: 100
Date on which the IRS will start accepting 2024 tax returns: 1/27/25
Number of Maine forest rangers and firefighters traveling to help fight the wildfires in California: 20
Rank of Rihanna among artists with the most Billboard #1 hits (14) in the 21st century: #1
Number of those hits that are an ode to Cheers and Jeers: 0
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 181 (including 4 false prophets and a suggestion for some fun weekend plans). Soul Protection Factor 12 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: In Columbus, Ohio…Saved!!!
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JEERS to more hot air and BS. I hate to break it to ya, but any time you spent watching Pete Hegseth slither through the fingers of the Senate Armed Services Committee ("For All Your Arm-Related Needs—Now Serving Legs, Too!") will not be tacked back onto your lifespan. (Sorry, but there just some miracles even Obamacare can't perform.) And the confirmation dog-and-pony show continues today with Attorney General nominee Pam Bondi before the Judiciary Committee. She was chosen by Donald Trump for her fierce dedication to the maintenance of her hair, skin, lips, nails, and boobs. But as for yesterday? SecDef nominee and blackout drunk Hegseth ducked and weaved, got his foot caught in a few minor traps, but otherwise did nothing to give anyone in his party pause. Which brings me to my free joke of the day:
A racist, a misogynist and a homophobe walk into a bar. Says the bartender: "Hi, Pete!"
I relinquish all copyright claims to it, so give it a whirl around the water cooler today. Hilarity will ensue.
CHEERS to nailing the bastard to the wall. "Extry! Extry! Read all about it! Former president guilty of insurrection, theft of classified documents, election interference, and more! Lengthy jail term expected!" Or it woulda been if only the American legal system ran slightly faster than the speed of snail. But, hey, don’t cry! We all get a consolation prize: Special Poobah Jack Smith's final report, which reveals that…
President-elect Donald Trump would have been convicted of illegally trying to overturn the result of the 2020 presidential election—which he lost - if he had not successfully been re-elected in 2024, according to the man who led US government investigations into him. You think we’re pissed? This guy must be throwing chairs. The evidence against Trump was "sufficient to obtain and sustain a conviction at trial," Special Counsel Jack Smith wrote in a partially released report.[…] Both this case and the separate classified documents case resulted in criminal charges against Trump, who pleaded not guilty and sought to cast the prosecutions as politically motivated. But Smith closed the cases after Trump's election in November, in accordance with DoJ regulations that forbid the prosecution of a sitting president.
So now we all have the privilege of using our brilliant and beautiful imaginations to dream of Donald J. Trump languishing in a prison cell as he pays the price for his horrendous misdeeds. I don't know about you, but I feel like one lucky fella.
CHEERS to the 'Miracle on the Hudson.' File this story under “My, how time flies.” 155 airline passengers got a shock 16 years ago today when some suicide birds flew into the engines of Flight 1549 as it took off from LaGuardia, leaving it crippled with no way to keep it aloft. To give you an idea of the freakish nature of the event, and the skill of now-living-legend pilot Chesley Sullenberger in landing the craft, consider this:
"This is only the fourth time in the jet era" that pilots have intentionally put an airliner down in water, said Todd Curtis, a former Boeing safety engineer who runs the AirSafe.com website.
The Miraculous Airbus is now on display at the Sullenberger Aviation Museum in Charlotte.
Last year "Sully" reunited with passengers and his co-pilot for the 15th anniversary, and he said a few words to mark the anniversary. Nothing prepared, really. He just wanted to wing it.
P.S. This week also marks the anniversary of another infamous moment in public transportation: the time the captain of the cruise ship Costa Concordia tried to impress his lady friends by running it onto the rocks off the western coast of Italy. I looked it up, and the traditional 13-year anniversary gift for a preventable shipwreck is a sterling silver facepalm. Same as all the other years.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to messing with The Precious. 106 years ago this week, the tenacious temperance twits in Wyoming became the last ones necessary to ratify Prohibition, which went into effect a year later on January 16, 1920...in the name, of course, of Jeeeeeezus. As a lapsed Episcopalian, I’d like to apologize for this on behalf of all my brethren and sistren:
Many Prohibition groups, called “dries”, were church-based, mainly Protestant denominations. “Yeah. We’ll get right on that.” The anti-Prohibition groups, or “wets”, tended to be mostly Roman Catholic, Episcopalian and Lutherans from Germany. Both major political parties had wet and dry factions. [W]hen Congress convened in January, 1917, the mandate was clear: regardless of party, dries outnumbered wets in Congress by 2-to-1.
The result: a huge spike in organized crime. The stock market crash of 1929 led to the eventual repeal of the 18th amendment on the premise that reviving a legit liquor industry would create jobs. So you might say that in a weird way the banksters toppled the gangsters. (Although, like today, it took authorities awhile to figure out who was who.)
JEERS to today's edition of What A Dick. Via ABC News:
U.S. flags at President-elect Donald Trump 's private Mar-a-Lago club are back to flying at full height. Flags are supposed to fly at half-staff through the end of January out of respect for former President Jimmy Carter, who died on Dec. 29. A large flag on Trump's property was initially lowered to half-staff according to protocol but has since been raised in the days after Carter was buried Thursday in his hometown of Plains, Georgia.
This has been today's edition of What A Dick.
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Ten years ago in C&J: January 15, 2015
JEERS to Alternate Reality Chuck. The point of having a gas tax—and raising it for the first time since 1993—is to fund the nearly insolvent Highway Trust Fund so we can restore our roads and bridges to reasonable condition. Pretty simple, right? Even conservative "brain thinker" Charles Krauthammer is totally on board with raising the gas tax—not by a few cents but, golly, by a whole dollar! Except this is his plan in a nutshell:
1) Raise the gas tax by $1 and put the money in the Social Security trust fund
2) Cut people's Social Security tax by the same amount
3) Consumers can spend their tax savings any way they want
4) ?????
5) The Highway Trust Fund gets replenished
6) Roads and bridges get fixed!
I think the question marks are the part where you light the bong.
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And just one more…
JEERS to unfettered gluttony. Hey, I just react to what I read in the papers. And what the papers tell me is that our moon had a planet for a late-night snack this week and I am not happy about that. It sullies our reputation. I mean look at it in this totally undoctored photo. Mars is now just……...it’s just gone!
On the—pardon the pun—bright side, by gobbling Mars the moon just earned 10,000 points and a free game.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial Bill in Portland Maine is one of the cutest creatures you could ever have as a pet. But he's also one of the most delicate, and many owners fail to anticipate Billeh's needs before an emergency arises, according to experts. —Claire Thornton
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