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Forget Greenland! [1]

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Date: 2025-01-11

Quick, name three Canadians: Pierre Trudeau, Justin Trudeau and that singer, what’s her name. See? Canada, like Greenland, isn’t important, but it’s way, way, way better than Greenland. Way.

Obviously, it’s way warmer. Compared to Greenland, Canada is positively tropical. It’s almost like Baja, except without the wonderful cocktails that Baja has (I mean Baja California, except, again obviously, it’s not contiguous with Greenland like Baja is with California, but we can rectify that, although that’s a different subject and I got a little diverted. Do they have good cocktails in Canada? Or Greenland?). Canada is big, mind-bogglingly, earth-shatteringly big (I’ll just go to Wikipedia for a second here), Canada is 9.9 million km2, whereas Greenland is only 2.2 million km2. Greenland looks bigger on a map, but that’s distortion caused by the roundness of the Earth. Not Fair! As our Glorious Leader might say on Truth Social. Why doesn’t Trump do something about that? The distortion, or the Fairness I mean. He could make globes square, and Greenland wouldn’t look so attractive, and He might give Canada a closer look.

Canadians are universally nice, at least all the ones I’ve met. I have never met a single nice Greenland person, have you? Even one? No! Never, not one. Nobody I know has ever met a nice Greenland person. What do they call themselves anyway? Canadians are polite, they have a nice accent, but they always want everyone to know they aren’t American. First thing, “I’m not American, here’s my maple leaf”, but they speak English really well, so that will make it easy to invade and steal all their stuff, like oil, and land, and hockey teams. They don’t have guns, so that’s nice. They have free medical care which they hate, so we can raise the cost of their medical care so it’s expensive like ours, which we hate. We can both hate our expensive medical non-insurance companies together. They also don’t have school shootings, so we can learn from them, or, they can learn from us, I’m not sure.

Greenland, I’m not sure about their medical care, or their school shooting policy, or even if they drive on the right side of the road. If they drive on the left, that’s going to be a problem for our Army when we invade, and I’ll bet Trump hasn’t given that a bit of thought, because he’s no intellectual, you know.

Trump, Greenland and Canada. If, and that’s a big if, I ever meet someone from Greenland (Greenlanders? Greenies? Landers?) I have to say I might be a tad embarrassed, because really, just saying you (we) want someone’s country, its not entirely nice you know. Oh, we’ll just invade and have your country, and your fish, and trees and bears. For god’s sake, what do they have in Greenland? Ice? What else? (let me take a quick look at Wikipedia here, and for future reference, if I don’t know something, you’ll know where to find me). The Saqqaq culture. Most finds of remains from that period have been around Disko Bay. Well, thanks Wikipedia! I donated $100 this year, and you should too. Saqqaq Culture! How many words, or cultures, have three Qs? It turns out that they had Disko like 1000 B.C. Who knew? Greenland has $3 billion dollars GDP but Canada has $2.2 trillion dollars although, how we’re going to get either the $3B or the $2.2T I have no idea. Canadians always look a bit (sorry, my pale brothers and sisters) skint to me. Greenies I haven’t got a clue, and neither does Trump. God, he’s such an idiot, and an embarrassment, isn’t he? You (we) can’t just take someone’s country. The Danes might still want it, and for sure the Greenlanders do. I think Trump just wants it because his friend, his buddy, his co-dictator Putin has a country he wants, and so Trump wants one too. Well, we all know, Putin has something on Trump, some kompromat, they spent that weekend in Helsinki together and how embarrassing was that? Embarrassing, a lot. Neither Putin or Trump drinks alcohol, so they have no excuse for that. Putin looks like a lawn Gnome (sorry, lawn Gnomes) and Trump has that disgusting sallow skin, even though its yellow, that bizarre hair, he farts in Court, rapes people, and he’s so Stupid and Un-educated. How did he ever become President? Eighty million stupid, uneducated people who’ve done terrible things like Trump voted for him. What an embarrassment!

Anyway, to wrap this up, Canada is a much better country to steal. They have fish, oil, hockey teams, oil sands, Vancouver and Toronto, Quebec will make trouble as the Quebeqcois drive on the wrong side of the street. And nice girl singers.

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[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2025/1/11/2296449/-Forget-Greenland?pm_campaign=front_page&pm_source=latest_community&pm_medium=web

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