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Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday [1]
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Date: 2023-11-29
"Marge has taken a break from burning books to write one…"
Proving for the umpteenth time that the dimwits in the MAGA cult are just two-bit grifters looking to make a buck, Jimmy Kimmel reveals that a bench-pressing idiot congresswoman from Georgia begged him—with tears in her eyes, I’m sure—for free airtime so she could hawk a book with her name on it. What happened next will……...not shock you:
x A special Thanksgiving message to Jimmy from Marjorie Taylor Greene… pic.twitter.com/qNpANGGqQt — Jimmy Kimmel Live (@JimmyKimmelLive) November 28, 2023
Quick update: Her doorstop has since fallen to #11,809th place on Amazon. Well ain’t that a shame.
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, November 29, 2023
Note: There's no difficulty—from flat tires to leaky pipes—that can't be overcome with a healthy dollop of leftover pureed turkey gizzards. It's science, people. It’s just science.
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By the Numbers:
3 days!!!
Days 'til the first night of Hanukah: 8
Days 'til Chester Greenwood Day in Farmington, Maine: 3
Age at which Chester Greenwood got a patent for his new invention called "earmuffs": 19
Estimated number of migrant farmworkers who have left Israel in the wake of the October 7 Hamas attacks: 10,000
Years as of this week that Will Shortz has been The New York Times’s crossword puzzle editor: 30
Number of Crossword editors at the paper since the first one set up shop in 1942: 4
Age of TV producer Marty Krofft ("Land of the Lost," "H.R. Pufnstuf," "Donny and Marie") when he died over the weekend: 86
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 187 (including 3 date settings and several naughty cheese-like slices). Soul Protection Factor 8 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Pay no attention to the pootie behind the curtain…
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CHEERS to bidding a fond farewell to an American original. Hearts were heavy in Atlanta and around the country yesterday as beloved First Lady Rosalynn Carter was eulogized. The church at Emory University was packed with a who's who of the equivalent of American royalty (but somehow Melania Trump managed to snag a ticket anyway), and she was praised, literally, to the heavens without a hint of hyperbole necessary:
Longtime journalist Judy Woodruff delivered another eulogy during which she spoke about covering the Carters as a young reporter. She noted how Rosalynn Carter decided to participate in White House Cabinet meetings as first lady and that she was integral to the decision to host the negotiations for the Camp David Accords at Camp David. As they say, forever in our hearts. "Without Rosalynn Carter, I don't believe there would have been a President Carter," Woodruff said. [...] Jason Carter, a grandson of the Carters and a former Georgia state senator, shared many funny stories about his grandmother in his eulogy. He also welcomed all the current and former first ladies, saying, "Thank you all for coming and acknowledging this remarkable sisterhood that you share with my grandmother. And thank you all for your leadership that you provided for our country and the world." "Secretary Clinton, Dr. Biden, we also welcome your lovely husbands," he joked, causing President Clinton and Biden to chuckle.
Rosalynn was 96 when she died last week. In honor of her tireless efforts—from Habitat for Humanity to the de-stigmatization of mental health issues—the tide along the coast of Maine will remain half-in/half-out for five days. (We can do that up here—we control the master switch.)
CHEERS to The Most Important Piece Of Information Of The Day, Week, Month, Year, And Quite Possibly The Millennium. This was posted above the fold at CNN's website, so I suggest you pay attention because it will likely have global consequences:
Kylie Jenner spoke with Jennifer Lawrence and talk turned to makeup. I also think it’s incredible what makeup can do because I work with Hung [Vanngo], who overlines the lip, and I call him a plastic surgeon, because everybody in the last few months since I’ve been working with him is convinced that I had eye surgery,” Lawrence said. Jenner responded, “Stop!” “I’m like, ‘I didn’t have eye surgery. I’m doing makeup,’” Lawrence added. “Oh my god,” Jenner said. “You know, you’ve been looking amazing.”
In light of this news, all news bureau correspondents have been taken off their previous assignments and will be covering the unfolding developments surrounding this fast-breaking story. But for now all that we know for sure is: OMG! OMG! OMG!
CHEERS to famous firsts. On November 29, 1929 Commander Richard Byrd became the first non-bird to fly over the South Pole. A friend of mine did that, too. Then the weed wore off and he realized he was still in his mom's basement.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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x There's a fountain in Budapest that looks like a book.
Every few seconds a sheet of water blasts forth from the book's spine, creating the illusion that an invisible force is turning the pages of this marble tome.pic.twitter.com/jdGJrEnaar — Massimo (@Rainmaker1973) November 27, 2023
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to a place of their own. On this date in 1947—despite strong Arab opposition—the U.N. General Assembly voted for the partition of Palestine and the creation of an independent Jewish state. Aside from the decades of bombs and violence and starvation and human rights abuses and terrorism and suspicion and hatred, it's going rather well, don't you think?
JEERS to locking and loading for the holidays. Attention 911 dispatchers and paramedics: looks like business is gonna be booming again this year with a lot of blam-blams under the Christmas tree. Says here that the FBI was swamped with background check requests on Black Friday at the highest level ever:
[T]he FBI conducted a record number of background checks for potential Black Friday gun purchases. The feds did 214,913 National Instant Criminal Background Check System checks that day. That was 22,164 more than the previous record, which was set just last year. So what did the U.S., with our infinite superiority over the world, outlaw instead? Lawn darts. The 11.5% spike in background checks year-over-year for 2023 was the biggest Black Friday jump in recent years. … NBC News found that 52% of Americans claimed that they or someone in their household owned a gun, which was the highest ratio since NBC first began asking the question in 1999.
As a public service, C&J offers our usual helpful tip for Santa when he goes about his business in 26 days: swap out the fur suit for Kevlar.
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Ten years ago in C&J: November 29, 2013
CHEERS to the reason why squirrels can bench-press a refrigerator. A huge study conducted by the Dana-Farber Cancer Institute and Brigham and Women's Hospital reveals strong evidence that eating nuts makes you healthier and even increases your lifespan. But for best results, always de-bone and marinate your Republican first.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to our annual peek into the phenomenon of "Kossack Time." Yesterday's C&J poll asked, "At what speed does it seem 2023 has gone for you?" It's a question we've asked virtually every year since 2012 (missing only 2019), and the results are interesting. Here's the year-by-year breakout for comparison:
Faster 79%, 82%, 78%, 80%, 56%, 66%, 73%, 29%, 75%, 65%, & 59% this year Normal 11%, 11%, 13%, 15%, 13%, 10%, 10%, 10%, 14%, 25% & 32% this year Slower 7%, 5%, 6%, 6%, 32%, 25%, 19%, 61%, 11%, 9% & 9% this year
Whoa. The remarkable reversal in perception from 2020 persisted. Not surprising. As I wrote three years ago:
Fearless prediction: the numbers will flip back next year as President Biden puts his foot on the accelerator and progress returns with a speedy vengeance.
What can I say? Nostrabillydamus strikes again. And what of 2024? Probably another faster-than usual year. But if we switch to “House Republicans Getting Anything Done To Benefit The Country Time,” I’d say prepare to be lapped by a snail.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial Fox’s Juan Williams Dubs Bill in Portland Maine 2023’s ‘Kiddie Pool Splasher of the Year’ In Scathing Op-Ed: ‘Living Monument’ to Algae —Mediaite
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[END]
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