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I feel so much better now that I've given up hope [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2023-11-26
Someone told me to smile, things could be worse. So I smiled and sure enough, things got worse!
The last in-person conversation I had with my brother, six months before he unexpectedly died, revolved around the idea of making a difference in the world. I hoped to make a difference through changing peoples’ minds so they may make better choices to protect their interests. Interests that met my needs for feeling safe in the world.
I acknowledged I was idealistic and that I was trying to refrain from being too naive or cynical. He replied, “Be cynical.”
I am still idealistic. I “hope” I am not too naive. I refuse to be cynical.
Growing up in the 50s under the threat of nuclear annihilation instilled a fear in me I was unable to express as a child. For reasons I will not go into now, there was a motto in my family: Don’t upset daddy. My siblings and I were conditioned to keep our thoughts and emotions to ourselves.
If ignorance is bliss that may explain why, despite my fears, I smiled a lot when I was young. Things in the world are worse in many ways now than when I was a child. And I struggle every day to find a reason to smile. As an adult in this century I still fear expressing myself. That is not ideal for mental health. Despite what others may tell me, I keep smiling.
I may be preaching to the choir here. My intention is to speak (or write) my mind when, how and where I am able to make a contribution to the cause of saving our planet from the cynical influences that may annihilate life as we know it. That is a good idea and reason to be idealistic.
That’s my story and I may stick to it. It is still scary to upset “daddy”.
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