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Caturday Pootie Diary: Doggie Bag [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2023-11-18
“Human, we need to talk,” Freddie said, seriously.
“What’s up, little man?” I asked, putting down my book.
“I heard you say next week is the big chicken day. Is that right?”
“Thanksgiving? Yes, that’s right.”
“You are going somewhere else for it? People aren’t coming here, right?” He seemed a little worried about this possibility.
“That’s right,” I said, petting him gently. “You’ll have to be alone for a few hours, but you won’t have to deal with people you aren’t familiar with.”
He shook me off. “I’m not worried about that,” he said. “But we need to discuss what you’ll be bringing me.”
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“You mean like a to-go plate?” I asked, scrunching my nose.
“I don’t know what it’s called,” he said, dismissing my question. “But in previous years you gave me a bite or two of the big chicken when you came home. It’s not enough. I should get a whole bowl.”
“You want some thanksgiving dinner?”
“I think I deserve it.”
“What if I just give you turkey flavored food? You’ll have the same thing as us on the same night.”
He blew out a frustrated breath. “I want what you’re eating. Not just the same flavor.”
“You always want what I’m eating,” I pointed out.
“Yes.”
“A whole bowl, huh? Does that include sides?”
“Of course,” he sniffed.
I picked up my phone. “We should plan this out,” I said, unlocking the screen.
“Finally!” he cried. “This is a serious matter that should be taken seriously.”
I pulled up a list of sides typically served at Thanksgiving along with photos. “You’ll definitely want turkey,” I said, pointing to a photo of a cooked bird.
“Of course,” he said. “The big chicken.”
“That should probably take up half the bowl, I think,” I said, tapping my chin in thought.
“That sounds about right.”
“There are a lot of sides,” I explained. “It’s a very big meal. But I don't think you can have many of them. Or that you would even want them.”
Freddie reached out with one paw and gently patted the phone screen. “I should be the judge of that.”
“Alright. First is stuffing. You definitely can’t have that.”
“Who says I can’t?!”
“Um...veterinarians, for one. It has onion. That’s toxic to you.”
He peered closely at the picture. “Is that cornbread?”
“Looks like it. The one we eat is made from cornbread too.”
“I love cornbread!”
“Onion,” I reminded him.
“Make it without onion,” he suggested.
I shook my head. “Then it wouldn’t be stuffing. I’ll tell you what,” I said, looking for compromise. “If they have cornbread, separate from the stuffing, I’ll bring you some of that.”
“And if they don’t have just cornbread you’ll make me some?”
I sighed. “Yes,” I said.
“These are cranberries,” I said, pointing at a picture on my phone. “You wouldn’t like them.”
He sniffed the phone. “It just smells like glass and you,” he observed.
I laughed. “You can’t smell them through the phone,” I explained. “It’s a berry and very sour. You don’t like berries.”
“I don’t like berries,” he agreed. “No cramberries.”
I didn’t bother to correct him.
“These are mashed potatoes and gravy,” I said. “I think you can have that as long as there’s no garlic.” I opened another browser tab and did a quick search. “Well, this says you can’t have it if it’s seasoned. It will definitely be seasoned. At least with some salt.”
“Leave that out,” he demanded.
“Sorry, pal,” I said. “I’m not making it. And it’s being made for humans, so it will definitely have seasoning.”
“I can have a little.”
“Maybe a very little,” I relented.
“Oh! There will probably be ham. You can have ham. You’ll like it!” I showed him a picture.
“I would like that!” he agreed.
“Alright, good. Ham is in.”
“What else?” he asked, excited.
I clicked through a few pictures. “Green bean casserole is probably out.” I looked over at him. “You don’t like vegetables.”
“I don't. That’s true.”
“Sweet potato casserole,” I murmured, looking at a photo of orange goo topped with marshmallow. “You can only have that if there’s no cinnamon in it.” I thought about it. “There will probably be cinnamon in it.”
“Leave out the cinamam,” he suggested.
“No, it’s really good that way.”
I looked back over everything. “We’ve got half a bowl of turkey — “
“Big chicken,” he said, sagely.
“Cornbread, which I will make if I can’t bring it home.” I made eye contact with him. “Even if I have to make a whole pan of it, you only get a bite or two. You have a little belly.”
“That’s fair,” he agreed.
“A small bite of mashed potato with gravy, as long as there’s no garlic — “
“I can have a little as a treat,” he said.
“There will probably be deviled eggs. I can give you some of the egg white.”
“I like eggs,” he pointed out.
"I think that’ll be a pretty good doggie bag,” I said, satisfied.
“A what?”
“A to-go plate. Sometimes it’s called a doggie bag.”
“No.”
I thought about it. “A kitty bag?”
“That’s better.”
Happy Caturday, Peeps! And happy week-before-big chicken day!
[END]
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