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Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday [1]
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Date: 2023-11-14
Let’s Check the DK Ukraine Relief Tote Board Yikes. It’s been a month since we last revisited the Daily Kos relief fund for Ukraine’s civilians—and their furry friends—affected by Russia’s daily war crimes. (Yeah, they’re still at it.) As of this morning, you’ve helped raise well over three-and-a-half million dollars. Or, to be more accurate... $3,539,980.17 If you'd like to support the four chosen groups—the World Central Kitchen, AmeriCares, Razom for Ukraine, and the International Fund for Animal Welfare—click here and ActBlue will guide you through the rest. Can’t thank you enough.
As Ukraine’s military continues sticking to the plan, making progress with creativity, tenacity, and a deep respect for defending democracy, Putin is sitting back hoping to hell that his pet Nazi named Trump is able to win back the White House next year. Laziest effing commander since…well, since Trump.
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, November 14, 2023
Note: World goes mad. Film at 11. And 12. And 1 and 2 and 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10 plus the half-hours, too. But first these messages for drugs and shitty Medicare Advantage plans…
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By the Numbers:
5 days!!!
Days 'til winter: 37
Days 'til the Oak Street Po-Boy Festival in New Orleans: 5
Length of the U.S.-Canada border, along which MAGA candidate Vivek Ramaswamy insists we need a wall built to stop fentanyl from flowing in from the north: 5,500 miles
Amount of fentanyl seized at the northern border this year, less than 1% of what is seized at the southern border: 2.43 lbs
Number of homicides recorded in Scotland in 2022-23: 52
Percent of those homicides committed with a knife, not a gun: 58%
Opening-weekend box office for The Marvels, the lowest opening in the history of the Marvel cinematic franchise: $47 million
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Multi-tasker…
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WHATEVER to comings and goings. Now that the 2023 elections are in the rear-view mirror, C&J reluctantly concludes that we should, on rare occasions, start posting some things about 2024. I think I'll start simple, with a quick rundown of who's in and who's out:
Joe Biden: In it to win it again after three years of steady, competent, middle class-centered leadership. Or as 6-out-of-10 Americans tell pollsters: "He sucks!" Donald Trump: In it to create a 4th Reich and, more important, dodge prison Tim Scott: Out (His girlfriend: also out, but paid in full and told "Good luck with your acting career.") RFK Jr: In the race, but out of his mind Vivek Ramaswamy: In the race, but currently in the men's room trying to remove Nikki Haley's 5-inch stiletto heel from his ass No Labels: Out, unless they can figure out how to turn a large enough profit from running a fake campaign in which they pretend an ultra-conservative millionaire is a middle-of-the-road man (definitely a man) of the people Chris Christie, Nikki Haley, Doug Burgum: Still in, I guess Mike Pence: Out, and now donning a red vest at the Ace Hardware in the Muncie mini mall Ron DeSantis: In…higher heels than Nikki Haley Jill Stein: In, upon securing permission from Vladimir Putin Cornel West: In the fight for the right to use might to scale the height at the sight of the knight named Dwight in the light cuz I'm high as a kite.
Looking at this list it's clear ours is an exceptional nation, said nobody.
JEERS to Captain Porn App. Let's check in with Speaker of the House Mike Johnson's effort to pass a budget before the government runs out of Money on Friday. Remember: this is the guy who has the backing of The Lord God Himself and was chosen unanimously by his Republican caucus for his cunning, his negotiating skills, and his cool under pressure:
"Please, please pleeeeeeeease pass my budget! Or your budget! Or someone's budget! Anyone's budget! Oh my god I didn’t know this was so hard, somebody help me! I'm lost, scared, cold, and alone! Everybody hates me! I wanna go back to being a back-bencher who doesn’t have to work for a living! Oh dear!" [Several minutes writhing on the floor speaking in tongues.]
Nancy made it look so easy.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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x A swimming pool designed for horse rehabilitation and aerobic conditioning in Colombia
[📹 criaderovilaflor]pic.twitter.com/haei8s8dTN — Massimo (@Rainmaker1973) November 11, 2023
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to America's first shusher. 291 years ago this week, in 1732, the first paid librarian, Louis Timothee, took his place behind a desk after getting hired for the job by none other than Ben Franklin. Other than that, all I know is what Wikipedia tells me:
Timothee was born (in 1699) in Holland to French Huguenot parents. Franklin arranged for Timothee to serve as a part-time librarian for the Library Company of Philadelphia, one of Franklin's first philanthropic projects. “Shh!” “Don’t shush me!” “I WILL shush you, it’s a library!” “Well, say it don’t spray it.” (Needless to say, there was a bit of a settling-in period for Mr. Timothee.) Franklin started the library July 1, 1731. There was no librarian until November 14, 1732, when Timothee was hired as the first salaried librarian in the American colonies. He was paid three pounds sterling every trimester. He worked every Wednesday from two to three o'clock and every Saturday from ten to four.
Or as the Republican Freedom Caucus calls him: a workaholic.
JEERS to the dick in the dock. Donald Trump Jr., forever scarred by being named after his dad, sat in the witness chair again yesterday, this time to answer softball questions by his defense attorney. And it went about as well as you'd expect…
ATTORNEY: If you could be any tree, what kind of tree would you be? DEFENDANT: A cocaine tree!
Spectators say they could tell he realized he'd screwed up his answer by the way he angrily flared his nostril.
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Ten years ago in C&J: November 14, 2013
JEERS to a poor mea culpa. Wow. 60 Minutes made the barest of apologies for botching its Benghazi story. If you blinked Sunday, you missed it. Lara Logan speaks in a whispery voice that makes you wonder if there's a baby sleeping in the next room. When she's done with her less-than-two-minute performance, you half expect her to put her fingers in her dimples and say, "Poo Poo Pee Doo." Meanwhile, the security contractor who did the lying ("I was there in the compound!" No, you weren't.) is getting his book yanked off the shelves by the publisher, which is asking stores to send 'em back. Or, at minimum, move the book to the fiction section.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to U.S. Mint'y freshness. The new American Women Quarter is here! The new American Women Quarter is here! Yes indeed, the latest in this year’s series of U.S. quarters celebrating accomplished American women was released late last month, and this one comes to you from the ballet stage:
Maria Tallchief is widely considered the first American prima ballerina. She broke barriers as a Native American ballet dancer, exhibiting strength and resilience both on and off the stage. The “tails” side depicts Maria Tallchief spotlit in balletic pose. Her Osage name, which translates to “Two Standards,” is written in Osage orthography. Tallchief was born on January 24, 1925 in Fairfax, Oklahoma on the Osage reservation. She began dance lessons as a young girl and excelled at dance and playing piano. She retired as a performer in the late 1960s and founded the ballet school of the Lyric Opera. She also served as artistic director at the Chicago City Ballet. Maria Tallchief died on April 11, 2013. Her legacy includes numerous honors, such as being named Woman of the Year by the National Women’s Press Club and receiving the National Medal of the Arts Award. She was also inducted into the National Women’s Hall of Fame.
This is the last graduate of the Class of '23. C&J will keep the world posted on next year's honorees ahead of their arrivals. It'll give normal people time to learn more about these trailblazing women, and misogynists time to take their heart medication.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial As tweens, many of us look forward to splashing our leg or our face in the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool—it’s a right of passage. You are finally an adult now. You fit in with all of the older kids. You can finally wear shorts or a swimsuit in peace, or sport a peach-fuzz-free face. —Delaney Nothaft, USA Today
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