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The Morning Magic of CEOs is Mostly Bullshit (I don’t know why I keep reading these fantasy pieces) [1]

['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']

Date: 2023-11-13

And that is why I am so goddamn rich, people. I earn it every day.

I’m lying, of course.

I woke up, used my phone to reply to messages on multiple platforms, checked my platform stats to see how much I earned overnight (not enough), read some online news (all of it bad), got up, drank several glasses of water and made a cup of excellent homemade coffee with a French press. I fed the dogs while the coffee brewed, then drank the coffee while I read a pile of newspapers. I ate some leftover sautéed veggies and rice. Then I showered, dressed and walked my dogs around the neighborhood.* I also did the dishes and some light housekeeping because I was very tired last night and left a lot of stuff undone. I hit my desk in my home office about 10 a.m.

One of the stories I read this morning was about the supposedly superior morning routines of CEOs.

CEOs are so different from the rest of us, you see, and it’s because they have these impressive morning routines.

I call bullshit.

For one thing, anybody can say anything. If I had rolled out of bed at noon after eating a 10-pound bag of Halloween candy and then had poured myself a glass of wine and skipped all personal hygiene and housework, and some reporter had asked me, “What’s the secret of your success? Is it your morning routine?” and I had just slipped another Tootsie Roll into my mouth, do you think I’d have told you that? I’d have lied my ass off and so would you.

For another thing, CEOs typically do not have to do all the things most other people do. I read this kind of story often, for some reason, and I have yet to hear one that reports the CEO or other lauded person got the children up and fed and ready for school, or had to spend several minutes digging through a laundry basket to search for a set of clean, matching socks because they haven’t had time to catch up on the laundry.

CEOs have people to do all that.

Often the CEO is a man who has a wife who also does not do all these things, but who oversees a housekeeper who does all those things. Most CEOs have never had to worry about the household laundry or shopping or cleaning for quite some time, if ever. That shit is off their radar.

Do you think Jaime Dimon has done the household grocery shopping even once in his life? When people never have to think about paying the power bill or buying new underwear for their kids or cleaning out their gutters, they can have self-indulgent mornings.

They are not accomplished because their morning routines are impressive. They can have these morning routines because somebody else is handling all their routine stuff. They are not doing the emotional or physical labor involved in running a household.

The rest of us will not magically become billionaires if we just figure out the right morning routine.

Some years ago, I had to be at my desk by 5 a.m. and had a 35-minute drive. You better believe I did the bare minimum in the morning back then. I showed up clean and dressed and that was enough.

Since working from home, I’ve tried doing things a few different ways. I’ve tried doing the dog walk before working and I’ve tried getting some work in before doing the walk. I’ve rearranged my morning in a lot of different ways. And here is what I found: It doesn’t make a damned bit of difference which order I go in.

I’m always going to walk the dogs. I’m always going to drink coffee. I’m always going to shower and get dressed. I’m always going to eat something. I’m always going to read the news and catch up on my platforms and write. I’m always going to find time to do various chores.

I’m always going to prepare dinner (with really rare exceptions). I’m always going to have dinner with my husband. I’m always going to read something for fun. I’m always going to talk on the phone. I’m always going to walk the dogs at night. And other shit will come up and I’m always going to have to deal with it, or my husband will, or we’ll deal with it together. I’m always going to be tired before I finish doing all the things I wanted to do each day.

When I start adding up all the things I do in a day, it is a lot. But it’s not as much as my daughter, a single mom with a demanding job and two young kids, does each day. She could kick any CEO’s ass in the gettin’ shit done department.

I need to stop reading those stories about how various privileged people spend their days. I would rather read a story about how various poor people working two jobs manage to fit everything in. They might actually have some insights I could use.

About Michelle Teheux:

I’m a writer in central Illinois. If you like my work, subscribe to me on Medium or Substack , or throw me a fish ! You can also find me on LinkedIn .

**The benefits of chatting with your neighbors while walking your dogs: I learned a lady a few blocks away is related to David Viviano, chief economist for SAG-AFTRA. I got a touch of Hollywood talk. And I live in a teeny little blue-collar Midwestern town, so I was not expecting that. I told her I write a Substack that often talks about economics. I am sure Mr. Viviano will be calling me, and I can’t wait. I have many ideas for screenplays but without connections, I always figured I shouldn’t bother. I will start working on that screenplay tomorrow, right after yoga-run-smoothie-meditation-bullshit time, and will ask her to hand it to her relative.

(This originally ran Nov. 3, 2023, on Substack.)

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