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Anubis's Long Goodbye: Continuously Updated [1]

['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']

Date: 2023-10-28

TL:DR — Anubis has rallied, but he is still very sick and will die soon. His condition goes up and down hour by hour. It is a big question whether he will die naturally or require euthanasia.

Yesterday, Friday October 27, 2023, Anubis had a good day. He ate and drank a lot. He peed and pooed and walked around a bit. He kept jumping on me and cuddling and purring. However Anubis had a bad night, he seemed to be very anxious and every time I tried to go to bed, he meowed loudly, and as a result I got little sleep last night.

He is still weak as yesterday, he shook his head like he had an itch, and he almost fell over. His vet is amazed he's still alive but does not think it will be long, days, maybe weeks, before the end.

I am facing euthanasia again. I had to have my late dog Norman euthanased one night when he went into convultions as I held him. I had to drive to a 24-hour vet 30 miles away about 4 am. I wonder if Anubis will require an emergency euthanasia, or he will just get so obviously suffering that it will be the merciful thing. Best case is Anubus passes in his sleep at home.

I’ve been thinking about my late Dad in that, in a sense, I had him euthanized by approving the termination of extraordinary life support when the Doctors told me he would not recover and proved it with evidence. Anubis’s situation has dredged up those painful memories.

* * *

Anubis licks his lips after eating many treat tubes, Friday, October 27, 2023.

This morning Anubis seems to feel better, so far.

I woke up after a few hours of fitful sleep. Anubis was not in his usual spot, under my bedroom desk. I found him in my recliner in the living room. After letting the other cats and the dogs outside, I grabbed a can of tuna to feed him. He ate about half a can quickly, which was good to see as he’s not eaten much beyond “Delectibles” cat treat tubes for about a week. It seems fitting that Anubis is eating tuna as the first meals he ate after I found him curled up, as a starving near-dead kitten was tuna. Tuna being his first meal and perhaps his last is fitting.

Apophis however smelled the tuna and I had to hold him back until Anubis ate his fill.

He has developed a bad odor, but perhaps that is because he has eaten almost nothing beyond treat tubes in days. Perhaps the tuna, and regular cat food, will help him.

He is not as tolerant of my other cats or dogs. He tends to hiss at them when they get near, especially if he is on me as he doesn’t want to share.

Did I over react and jump to the the death conclusion too quickly? No, the vet told me, with the BUN number being about 200, that death was imminent and recommended euthanasia. I had every reason to believe her. If she had called me with the blood test results in the morning, I might have taken him in that afternoon. However, she called in the late afternoon, so I said I’d take Anubis in the next morning. The next morning he was doing better, so I decided to wait. I understand the vet was wondering if Anubis had died at home, and when I checked in on Friday, she was amazed Anubis was still alive. She said I should bring Anubis back in a couple of weeks, if he’s still alive, for more blood tests, and perhaps more treatments like antibiotics, fluids, vitamins, etc, as appropriate.

* * *

Some might wonder why Anubis’s impending death is affecting me so deeply. In the words of my late father, “it’s just a god-dammed cat”. Why not just immediately euthanize him and move on?

In addition, there are so many crazy things going on from TFG trying to install a dictatorship and multiple wars and shootings and more. I do pay attention to those issues and comment in those posts.

I have, for most of my life, suffered from crushing depression. My life has been an ongoing series of unfortunate occurrences, tragedies, neglect, abandonment, gaslighting. The impending loss of my beloved cat combined with other issues in my life has made my depression worse.

Anubis was there for me after Dad died, a time I consider one of the worst times in my life, when I frequently did not know if I would become homeless. In those days, I not only felt nobody really cared, there were forces actively working against me. “I don’t care if you end up in a ditch”, one said.

Site of the worst job of my life, post-Dad’s death

In those dark days post-Dad, I came close to not making the monthly bills several times. I was working at the what I now consider to be the worst job of my life, alone on the graveyard shift at AM-PM. I worked weekends, and holidays. I worried Thanksgiving and Christmas eve and day. I thought at the time that, being alone except for the two cats, they didn’t care what day it was whereas others had families to spend the holidays with, and I could use the money. Did my immediate boss recognize and reward me for being willing to step forward. No. In fact, my boss told me that I was “lucky” that she “allowed” me to work for her. I also learned, right before I got another job, that on my first day, the AM/PM owner was visiting, saw me, and ordered my immediate supervisor to fire me because “I don’t want any fat men working for me”. Fortunately, she refused in one of the few good things she did for me.

Apophis & Anubis

In those days, I did not use the heat because I couldn’t afford it. In those days, I often would sit in the cold living room in the night with Anubis and Apophis lying on me as I cried in fear and dispair. In many ways, I only got through that time because of my then two cats.

I’m worried those days may return, and worse.

There are few people in my personal life. Working as a Substitute Techer means that I am never in one place long enough to get to build relationships. I’ll be in one place for a day or, at most, a few weeks, and then I move on, perhaps not to return for months.

I have been working, not only the regular school week and schedule, but afterschool, Saturday School, Summer School, Spring and Winter Break School, and Professional breaks. In short, I work long hours, often six days a week for months at a time, with few breaks beyond Sundays and holidays.

My health is not great. While I’ve lost about 100 pounds in the 8 years since Dad died, I am still quite morbidly obese. I have a heart condition that MUST have surgery in the next couple of years, or die. Indeed it is already affecting my abilities. With the impending Republican cuts in Social Security Disability, I am not certain I will be able to afford the surgery when the time comes.

I’ve been thinking that I have not really been living my life for a long time. Much of my life has bee spent devoted to others, as I was Dad’s caregiver for the last 15 years of his life following his three month coma in 2000 until his ultimate passing in 2014. Now being on Deathwatch with Anubis is bring back those memories of Dad. It also reminds me that if/when I will be in medical need, I will likely not have anyone to help me the way I helped Dad.

At least I have other critters in these times.

Apophis

Khonsu

Maat

Dorcas & Fenris

Zorrita

Brunhilda

Some have said that I should take comfort in the rest of my pack. I do, and it is their constant reminders that they are still alive and needing me that keeps me going. Still, Anubis is more than just a cat. He’s the oldest pet, and with Apophis, are the last direct links I have to Dad. When Anubis dies, and then sometime in the future, Apophis, I will have fewer connections left to Dad.

If you read all that, thank you.

I have spent over $2500 so far on Anubis’s end-of-life medicare. Plus, I’ve stopped teaching Saturday and after-school classes, and I’ve take several days off of my regular substitute teaching.

I’ve thus far raised about $1300, but I could use more help as, while it was perhaps not the most financially smart thing to do, I am reaching the end of my ability to care for him. If you can help me, it will help Anubis.

The end is coming, but it’s not here yet, and I want to make his passing as peaceful as possible. Below are some support links, and I can always us pet supplies, food, et cetera.

Thank you.

#jtg

• GoFundMe • KoFi • PayPal• Patreon • Amazon Pet Supplies •

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[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/10/28/2202057/-Anubis-s-Long-Goodbye-Continuously-Updated?pm_campaign=front_page&pm_source=more_community&pm_medium=web

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