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Top Comments: Another GQP debate? Really? [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2023-09-27
No, I’m not watching this debacle, and you can’t make me. What follows is an approximation of what I assume happened.
But first, a word from our sponsor!
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TUCKER CARLSON: Hello, I’m hosting tonight’s fiasco because I’m unemployed and no one’s paying attention to me anymore. The Republican hopefuls have gathered to make their case for why they should be second banana when Trump inevitably gets the Republican nomination. We’ll start with Ron DeSantis.
DeSANTIS: Why can’t I get any traction against Trump? I can be a nasty, hateful bully just like him, but nobody cares! If I can’t win against a guy with terrible hair who rambles incoherently, what chance do I have in my debate against Gavin Newsom?
TUCKER: You can’t even win an argument with Mickey Mouse. Next up we have Vivek Ramaswamy. I’ll make a big deal out of getting his name wrong, just like I do with Kamala Harris.
RAMASWAMY: Whatever, Pucker. I will assure our victory by banning voters under age 25 unless they pass a civics test. First question on the test: what age does the 26th amendment prescribe for voting, and why are some parts of the Constitution meant to be ignored?
TUCKER: Please, the only amendment that counts is the 2nd. Nikki Haley, why should Trump choose you?
HALEY: I’m statistically less likely than any of the men here to have a sexual harassment scandal.
TUCKER: These are Republicans. Sexual harassment scandals are a plus. Trump has already asked Lauren Boebert to be his date to the musical about his life, Donald and the Amazing Technicolor Orange Jumpsuit. Chris Christie, what do you have to say for yourself?
CHRISTIE: I haven’t been offered a show on Fox yet. Even though I do all the tough-guy talk about punching people. So this is the only gig I have a chance with.
TUCKER: I don’t want to hear about anybody else’s show on Fox. Asa Hutchinson, we’re skipping you because nobody knows who you are.
BURGUM: I’m Doug Burgum. Asa Hutchinson isn’t here.
TUCKER: Moving on. Mike Pence, considering the entire Republican party hates you, why are you bothering?
PENCE: Democrats hate me too. I’m the unity candidate.
TUCKER: Well, that about wraps it up. All of you are awful, but not memorably awful. Time to give Kari Lake a call.
TIM SCOTT: I haven’t gotten to say anything.
TUCKER: Get used to it.
Marjorie Taylor Greene storms in, waving around Jewish space lasers, and everyone flees in terror.
On to Top Comments!
From Top Commenteer Ed Tracey:
In the diary by Bethesda 1971 (on the increased voting access legislation passed by the NY State Legislature - there is a comprehensive look by Albanius at what led to the need for these changes.
Top mojo, courtesy of mik:
Picture quilt, created by jotter, brought back by elfling & the help desk crew:
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