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Valerie (Mrs. Claw) Is In Emergency Surgery Today. [1]

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Date: 2023-09-15

I guess I just needed to talk to somebody.

Today is a day of extreme pressures, as Valerie is getting her peritoneal dialysis catheter inserted. She has reached stage 5 of end stage renal disease. Last week her numbers collpased just about across the board and on Tuesday the doctor referred her for a "stat" placement, essentially meaning emergency. So now I am sitting in the living room writing this and I realize that I have been in survival mode going on four years.

I have been in this constant state of stress and anxiety for far too long, and my headaches and fatigue are getting worse. I keep telling myself I just need to get through this day, then the next day, but it is all so much to deal with. She is in the fight of and for, her life. The idea that my wife's life may literally hang from a thread, or dialysis tube in this case, is why this is being written at nearly 1 in the morning.

The history of our life together is flashing before my eyes. Her strength is waning and dialysis is her lifeline, but it is as you know, not a permanent fix. She has to have a kidney. I know this. And I can’t do anything about it.

I have a ton to think about. I just want her to feel better again. I want to see her with energy again. Yet I know, the five year survival rate for dialysis is less than 50 percent overall, however thankfully for her age group, closer to 80. So most of all, I think of the kidney I can't give her, because of all the cancers I could have had, it had to be my kidney, and wonder what purpose such bitter irony serves.

I just need to get through this day. If I can do that I will deal with tomorrow, when it comes.

I will let you know when it is done. Feel free to say hi.

I am grateful to all of you for being my friend.

-Todd

P.S. You can help by sharing the link below or testing to donate yourself and ask to help Valerie Robbins!

Mayo Clinic Transplant Center-Living Donor Transplantation

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[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/9/15/2193419/-Valerie-Mrs-Claw-Is-In-Emergency-Surgery-Today

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