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The MAR-A-LARDO SAGA continues! [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2023-09-04
As the Worm Turns: A Mar-a-Lardo Soap Opera
Season 1. Episode 5: Releasing the Kraken!
And now we return to Florida’s most luxurious elite resort and clip joint: Mar-a-Lardo, home to the disgraced, twice-impeached, single-term former president, Donald Trump! Today is a really special day as we now take you …
Scene 1: … to Mar-a-Lardo’s Grand Ballroom, where twice-impeached one-term former president Donald Trump is hosting a fundraiser for his friend and indicted co-defendant Rudy Giuliani. The ballroom is empty except for these two old cronies …
Giuliani: This is really great of you to hold this fund-raiser, Mr. President. I didn’t know what I was going to do, my life is in shreds. Dominion is suing my ass off, Smartmatic is suing my ass off, I can’t pay my lawyers, so my lawyers can’t pay THEIR lawyers, so my lawyers’ lawyers are suing my lawyers’ asses off, and now I gotta pay the lawyers for those two bimbos down South just so THEIR lawyers can start suing my ass off too … I’m just glad I still have good friends like you, Donald. It means the world to me.
Donald Trump: Hey no problem Rudy. You know I didn’t actually get any answers yet from all those invites I sent out though. You’d think nobody had a hundred grand to donate to a good cause.
Giuliani: Nobody at all? … geeze.
Trump: Rudy, I’ve gotta tell you this event is costing me a lot. I expected to recoup the 20 or 30 grand this is costing me out of my 90% cut of the take, but if there is no take, you’re going to end up owing me all the costs. Friendship is a two-way street, Rudy. Just sayin. I was hoping to make something off of this deal.
Giuliani: Wait, look! There’s some folks arriving! Let’s get this show on the road! Hi, so nice of you to come! I’m Mayor Giuliani, America’s mayor, heh heh. Please take a seat at any table.
Process Server 1: Uh, we didn’t come for the fundraiser, Mr. Giuliani. Here, you’ve been served.
Process Server 2: And witnessed.
………..
Scene 2: Outside the main entrance gate to Mar-a-Lardo, the illustrious Sidney Powell, sometime adviser and Krakenmeister to the twice-impeached former president, has come to plead for the ex-POTUS’s help in her hour of need.
At the gate, Sidney Powell is frantically pushing buttons on a keypad, but to no avail.
Sidney Powell: Some bastard must’ve changed the code. (pounding on the gate) LET ME IN! PLEASE, I’ve GOT to see the POTUS!
Secret Service Agent Malahide: Look, lady, he’s holding a private fundraiser, and you’re not on the guest list. So please just pick up your little handbag and skedaddle.
Sidney: (ignores him, pounds on the gate) PRESIDENT TRUMP!! HELP ME, OBESE ONE CANOLA! YOU’RE MY ONLY HOPE!
Malahide: Shit! I don’t need this kind of aggravation. Next thing you know, the press will be here.
Agent Carstairs: You want me to call the Sherriff’s Department, Mal? Let them handle it, don’t try and tangle with this crazy broad.
Malahide: Yeah, fuck it … call ‘em.
Sidney: (bashing at the lock with a stone) SO THIS IS THE THANKS I GET for all my devotion, lies, and hard work! That’s it; I’m going to RELEASE THE KRAKEN, and THIS time it’s coming for YOU, Donald Trump!
A dozen TV news trucks and vans come screeching to a stop. Two or three helicopters appear overhead.
Carstairs: Oh, shit. What a clusterfuck.
Malahide: This hellhole has a curse on it, I swear to God.
Reporter on the ground: This is Pat Peroxide for BSN! We are at the entrance to Mar-a-Lardo, home of former one-term President Donald Trump, where his indicted codefendant Sidney Powell is reportedly trying to crash a private fundraiser! Two Secret Service men are at the … now Sidney is starting to climb over the gate! She’s going right up that gate in high heels, this is an INCREDIBLE story. History is being made right here AS WE WATCH. No twice-impeached former President’s ex-attorney has ever tried to … Hold on, she’s reached the top of the gate, this is unbelievable! What’s she doing now … Sidney appears to be caught on something up there! She’s waving her arms, OHMYGOD she’s falling, she’s falling, she’s crashing … … oh the humanity!
……….
Scene 3: At Mar-a-Lardo’s main gate, a growing crowd of spectators has now swelled the gathering of reporters, cameramen and Secret Service agents. Sidney Powell is lying on the ground, dazed but not badly hurt.
Sherriff’s Deputies arrive in patrol cars.
Sherriff’s Deputy 1: All right, folks, nothing to see here. Move along now …
MAGA spectator 1: No way, dude! We heard Hillary Clinton was caught trying to break in!
MAGA spectator 2: She was going to assassinate our blessed Savior!
MAGA spectator 3: Is that her? on the ground there?
MAGA spectator 4: It’s got to be Hillary! I can tell, I always come unhinged in the presence of evil!
MAGA Crowd: “Lock her up! Lock her up!” “Burn the witch!” “Hang Hillary!” “Stone her with stones!” “Oh Holy Redeemer, watch over your Chosen One!” “Destroy the Whore of Babylon and all her works of evil!” (people speaking in tongues) “Kill the pig, cut her throat, spill the blood!” “WE WANT TRUMP! WE WANT TRUMP!” “Four legs good, two legs baaad!” “Lock her up!” “Vince Foster!” “HER EMAILS!!!!” “Hunter Biden’s Laptop!” “Hunter Biden’s wanger!” “BEN-GHA-ZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!”
Sherriff’s Deputies: All right, let’s move it on back, folks!
A sound like the rushing of many waters is heard. It grows louder.
Sherriff’s Deputy 1: What’s that weird sucking sound?
MAGA spectator 5: Look, something is rising up out of the lagoon!
Sherriff’s Deputy 2: What in the hell is that thing? It’s like fifty feet high!
Deputy 3: My God, it has … … tentacles.
Sidney Powell: HA HA HA HA HA! I CURSE DONALD TRUMP! I CURSE YOU ALL! YOU ARE ALL DOOMED TO DIE IN THE MAW OF … THE KRAKEN!
……….
Note: This is Episode 5 in the Mar-a-Lardo Soap Opera, As the Worm Turns. See below for previous installments:
Episode 1: “Children of a Loser God”
Episode 2: "Of Inhuman Bondage"
Episode 3: "The Fraudfather"
Episode 4: “Labor Day at Mar-a-Lardo”
[END]
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