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Saturday Morning Garden Blogging Vol: 19-35 - Murder, She Wrought [1]

['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']

Date: 2023-09-02

August 9, 2023: BREAKING NEWS! Rexxmama, President of The Yard, was sitting in the parked Executive Limousine, when she saw an unsuspecting victim reflected in the driver’s side view mirror. The President rapidly exited the vehicle, armed with a nose tissue, and deliberately attacked the victim, snuffing out their life, before then entering a building and depositing tissue and corpse into a waste receptacle. There were no witnesses to the crime, other than nearby security cameras that may have recorded it.

The innocent (hah!) victim of my attack was engaged in creating a web structure across the side view mirror, implying that it was probably residing within the mirror holder, and would wait for its own innocent victim to be caught in the web’s strands. The now deceased innocent victim was small — about the size of a popcorn kernel — but definitely displayed the legs, body and color of a Black Widow Spider. Its presence could not be tolerated anywhere on my car.

I’m normally not a homicidal maniac (all appearances to the contrary perhaps), unless it comes to spiders. But in The Yard, there are too dang many of them, to be honest. I’m including a few images of the kind I’ve definitely seen and screamed at, but they’re all from this website, Leafyplace.com, which has more information you’ll be interested in and on more garden topics than just spiders.

Here are the mug shots of the spiders most frequently discovered in the Backyard Garden. Reminder: No way would I be able to photograph these creatures myself….I’d be more likely to use my iPad to obliterate them instead.

Argiope Aurantia, also known as Garden Spider and Writing Spider (due to the scribble effect on their webs.)

Grass Spider — and since my garden boxes are plagued with grass, I guess that makes sense.

Wolf Spider — these are ornery and will turn to confront you. And they leap. (Trust me on this...)

Yes, we’re all aware of the place spiders have in The Chain of Life, the service they perform eating insects that might attack the crops and flowers we Gardeners labor at coaxing along to full potential.

Don’t want your fly...got enough of my own; every time the VP wants to go out, more fly in.

But as President of The Yard, I have made the resident spiders sign NDA’s (No Display Agreements) — via the same method, in fact, as Mister Trump used to declassify the documents found in his Mar-A-Lago bathroom treasure hoard. My NDA’s bind spiders from being seen when I’m around, and certainly forbid construction of webs across garden pathways.

IMO, spiders ought to be like your local municipality’s police: Cleverly hidden and unresponsive when, for example, you witness a crime or an egregious traffic violation and are outraged by the absence of a cop when one is needed. However — and most irritatingly — spiders instead mimic the local police by popping up when you, yourself, may have (quite innocently and with no malice at all) committed an unremarkable traffic violation. Sure, then it’s all sirens and flashing lights…

To be fair, and keeping in mind the important work spiders do in the garden and in wild nature, the NDA’s specify that “...upon infraction of the agreement, there will be a period of no less than twenty seconds, during which YOU [the spider] can scamper away to some safe haven while the President of The Yard recovers breath and a steady heartbeat.” If not out of sight by then, the spider in violation faces stiff penalties, up to and including death. (To date, no court in the Yard has ruled against such NDA’s.)

I’m sure other Gardeners have similar NDA’s against Violators of Serenity — groundhogs, rabbits, deer, raccoons, mason bees, etc. — all dependent on the local garden culture and laws of habitation. You may, if you wish, embark upon a discussion of the NDA’s you have created, and/or other gardening topics.

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