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Cheers and Jeers: Rum & Coke FRIDAY! [1]
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Date: 2023-08-25
Freaky Flashback Friday
The late-nighters are still on hiatus due to the writers strike, so C&J reaches into the archives to find out what the punchlines were ten years ago in August of 2013. Good times… "Jeff Bezos, the CEO of Amazon.com, bought The Washington Post for $250 million. He just walked into the Post's headquarters and said: 'Add to cart.'"
—Jimmy Fallon "CNN is offering Do's and Don'ts for summertime sex. First Don't: watch CNN."
—Stephen Colbert "Okay, let’s just be honest now. The House is clearly where things go to die. It's where parents are going to start telling their kids their aging pets went. 'Oh, Fluffy's fine, darling. She just got stuck in committee.'"
—John Oliver
Continued...
“You are” “now” “below the fold.” Please: make air quotes responsibly.
"A high school in Arkansas is letting teachers carry concealed weapons. So now when students want to ask a question, they raise both hands."
—Conan O'Brien "Sunday, on his way home from Brazil, Pope Francis said it was not his job to judge gays. He said that's what the Tony Awards are for."
—Jay Leno August 28, 2013: President Barack Obama, First Lady Michelle Obama, and former Presidents Bill Clinton and Jimmy Carter participate in the ceremony on the 50th anniversary of the historic March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom. "Some jackass vandalized the Lincoln Memorial. Who hates the Lincoln Memorial? Democrats love it because it honors the man who freed the slaves. And Republicans love it because it just sits there and does nothing. If it could cry and chain smoke, it would be John Boehner."
—Bill Maher "It's no secret I'm in favor of government surveillance—it's certainly no secret from the government. But ever since the leaks from NSA 'traitor and guest-at-your-wedding-no-one-seems-to-know' Edward Snowden, we've all had questions about domestic spying: How much do they know about us? As much as Facebook? Or nothing at all because they're using Google Plus?"
—Stephen Colbert Clip of Chris Matthews on Hardball: I predict the hard right is going to take over the Republican party in 2016 and the nomination is going to…Rand Paul. You watch. This is what I do for a living.
John Oliver: Really? Because all this time I thought you were getting paid to spit on a camera lens.
—The Daily Show
And now, our feature presentation…
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Cheers and Jeers for Friday, August 25, 2023
Note: For the benefit of humanity, C&J will not be published Monday. Don’t get too caught up in all the dancing and joy, though, because we'll be back Tuesday. And I think I might just return with an attitude. We'll see. —Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
6 days!!!
Days 'til the start of National Courtesy Month, which is celebrated by everyone but Republicans: 7
Days 'til Payson City Golden Onion Days in Utah: 6
Amount of alleged criminal Rudy Giuliani's bond after he surrendered like a dog to a Georgia jail Wednesday: $150,000
Minimum number of states that experienced record-shattering heat this week: 20
Percent of UPS union members who supported the latest labor deal, averting a strike by 340,000 members: 86%
Years since the August 28, 1963 March on Washington for Jobs and Freedom: 60
Years as of today since Kos killed the Daily Kos “diary”: 12
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Weekend plans…
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CHEERS to making an exception. I promised long ago that once he got booted from office I would minimize references to the 45th president, including images of his bloated grifter/rapist face. Tonight I break that promise, but only because of my other promise to document history when it happens. So forgive me, kiddie poolers, but this is one of those moments. While standing in a puddle of urine as cockroaches ran up and down his leg, the first former United States president to be hustled into a hoosegow—Fulton County, Georgia's slammer in this case—to be booked for crimes against the country finally got his pitchure took:
It was one of those "I remember where I was when…" moments. I was in the living room with my pets and my partner eating a mini Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. You were probably also doing something routine when the image dropped. Meanwhile, the guy who writes the chyrons for Fox News will never forget what he was doing at that moment: quietly changing Trump's political affiliation onscreen from "R" to "D."
CHEERS to broads at the ballot box. The members of the C&J household will don their pussyhats tomorrow, Women's Equality Day, which celebrates the August 26, 1920 certification of the 19th Amendment to the Constitution giving women the right—the RIGHT, Republicans, not the privilege, the RIGHT—to vote. Half a dozen years back Time magazine posted an article reminding us of the crazy pre-1920 fact that women could run in elections despite not being allowed to cast a ballot in them. Thousands of women (from no fewer than sixteen different parties) did, in fact, run according to the Her Hat Was in the Ring database, and the very first appears to have been a Mainer:
[W]hen Olive Rose was elected Register of Deeds by Lincoln County in Maine in 1853, she became not only the first woman elected in the state, but the scholars believe she may have also been the first woman elected in the United States. In one town, Warren, she got 73 votes, while her opponent received only four. Her listing in the database includes a rather prescient announcement of her feat in a local newspaper article: 1974: Under the watchful eye of the First Lady, President Ford signs legislation declaring August 26 Women’s Equality Day. Can you imagine the GOP doing that today? "Men may laugh and jeer and fume, as much as they please about this matter of 'woman's rights;' they cannot escape the issue. As sure as the indomitable barons of England wrung Magna Carta from King John at Runnymede, so will the women of the 19th century extort from the 'lords of creation,' (who have held them in servile dependency from the beginning of the world) something like an equal share of political and social rights. Whether the doctrine of 'woman's rights' is in the judgment of the present generation consonant with the 'eternal fitness of things' or not, it is nevertheless designed to gain ground, and ultimately to prevail."
After spending my 59 years watching how our male-centric political bodies have behaved, I believe I can say without hesitation: prevail harder.
P.S. Nobody said it better:
“It was we, the people; not we, the white male citizens; nor yet we, the male citizens; but we, the whole people, who formed the Union ... men, their rights and nothing more; women, their rights and nothing less.” —Susan B. Anthony
CHEERS to throwing the bums out. Nine weeks after D-Day, on Aug. 25, 1944, Paris was liberated by the Allies during World War II. However, in his famous liberation speech Charles de Gaulle barely mentioned America or its other allies. Gee, thanks a lot. (But please don’t remind the Republicans in Congress or they'll try to change the cafeteria menu back to freedom fries.)
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to failing to pack your rocket shoes. Meanwhile over in Russia the feared leader of the terrorist "Wagner Brigade," Yevgeny Prigozhin, has died. He was 62. According to official Russian sources, he passed away in his sleep after falling from a really, really, really, really high window. Up until his death, Prigozhin's face was on posters as one of "America's Most Wanted" criminals for conspiring to defraud the United States. Presciently, the FBI warned that he was a flight risk. Gee, that would've been helpful to know, said the other passengers on his plane.
CHEERS to beautifully warped minds. Happy birthday to Director Tim Burton, who turns a sprightly 65 today. Ed Wood and Beetlejuice remain two of our all-time favorites, but most of his flicks are feats of imagination that boggle the Billy mind, even if the whole doesn’t quite hit the mark (see Willy Wonka and Dumbo). But if I were stranded on the proverbial desert island and could only have one Burton DVD, it'd be no contest—the bonkers Mars Attacks!
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35 years after they made the original, the gang's getting back together for a sequel to Beetlejuice. But only if we all say it out loud three times.
CHEERS to home vegetation. Here are some of the TV highlights for the weekend. Oops, I guess I should've checked first before I wrote that, because there are no TV highlights for the weekend. Well, that's not entirely true, I guess. You can check out the new movies and streamers here at Rotten Tomatoes. The baseball schedule is here and the WNBA schedule is here. Actor Richard Dreyfuss talks about the need to revive civics education in our schools on Firing Line (8:30, PBS). The Little League World Series wraps up tomorrow and Sunday afternoon on ABC. On 60 Minutes: reports on con artists using AI to swindle seniors and a 4-year-anniversary checkup on the reconstruction of Ntre Dame cathedral in Paris. Other than that, we recommend you shut everything off and go find a comfy hammock. Now here's your Sunday morning lineup, such that it is:
This Week: Biden Cedric Richmond; Rep. Nancy Mace (MAGA-SC); Rep. Jim Clyburn (D-SC); Chris Christie. Face the Nation: Former WH Russia expert Fiona Hill; Reps. Ro Khanna (D-CA); Nancy Mace (MAGA-SC); Chris Christie; Mike Pence of MAGA. None of these nitwits are booked on the Sunday shows. They’re too busy recovering from getting booked in prison HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!! CNN's State of the Union: Bernie!!! Plus: Martin Luther King III, Arndrea Waters King, and Yolanda Renee King on the 60th anniversary of the 1963 March on D.C.; Gov. J.B. Pritzker (D-IL); Rep. Jamie Raskin (D-MD); fast-talking MAGA idiot and Putin humper Vivek Ramaswamy; former Gov. Asa Hutchinson (MAGA-AR). Meet the Press: Bernie!!! And that grifter venture capitalist who says climate change is a hoax Vivek Ramaswamy. Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Joe Fucking Lieberman of the Trump-humping sabotage group No Labels (a name that is, in fact, a label); Trump Legal Idiot Alina Habba.
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: August 25, 2013
JEERS to smearing more lipstick on the pig. Russian president Vladimir Putin now says he has banned all demonstrations in or around Sochi for the two-and-a-half months before the Winter Olympics. The announcement has made people in other countries very mad. But probably not as mad as the owner of the Sochi Ronco outlet store.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the "Lion of the Senate." As time goes on, fewer and fewer of us 'Muricans will remember that Ted Kennedy owned that title for much of his 47-year career there. So I'll keep bringing it up, especially on his birthday and also on today's date—the 14-year anniversary of his passing from brain cancer at 77. With a little assist from President Obama, who said at Ted's funeral:
"The world will long remember their son Edward as the heir to a weighty legacy; a champion for those who had none; the soul of the Democratic Party; and the lion of the United States Senate—a man who graces nearly 1,000 laws, and who penned more than 300 laws himself."
To mark the occasion, a couple snips of vintage Ted:
On the Iraq war: "There was no imminent threat. This was made up in Texas, announced in January to the Republican leadership that war was going to take place and was going to be good politically. This whole thing was a fraud." On health care reform: "This is the cause of my life—new hope that we will break the old gridlock and guarantee that every American—North, South, East, West, young, old—will have decent, quality health care as a fundamental right and not a privilege."
And one of my favorite pics, from 2009 when Ted was one of Barack Obama’s biggest supporters. The grizzled veteran passing on wisdom to the newbie...
Obamacare is now in full effect for the long haul (and is getting expanded under #44’s former VP, now known as #46), and I imagine that card-carrying 5-digit UID Kossack Ted would be pleased over the numbers, but also impatient to improve it and furious at Republicans for trying to gut it over and over so they can give their billionaire buddies more tax cuts. For the first 45 years of my life Ted Kennedy was always in Washington, "voice bellowing through the Senate chamber, face reddened, fist pounding the podium, a veritable force of nature" (Obama's words again). He was both a battering ram and a master of jiu jitsu. (Watch him tear into Donald Rumsfeld here.) And also a guy you'd never turn down having a beer with. Even though I'm not from Massachusetts, he still felt like "my" senator. His "vim and vigah" are sorely missed. Cheers, Ted. And say hi to your brothers—they were pretty good, too.
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today
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[END]
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