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Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday [1]
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Date: 2023-08-23
A Few Words from the August Birthday Kids' Table "It suddenly struck me that that tiny pea, pretty and blue, was the Earth. I put up my thumb and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth. I didn't feel like a giant. I felt very, very small."
—Neil Armstrong "He wakes up every day and just makes crap up and says it."
—Sen. Chris Murphy (D-CT), on RFK Jr. "Always remember: If you're alone in the kitchen and you drop the lamb, you can always just pick it up. Who's going to know?"
—Julia Child Continued...
“If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.”
—Dorothy Parker "The heart of the [1965 voting rights] act is plain. Wherever, by clear and objective standards, States and counties are using regulations, or laws, or tests to deny the right to vote, then they will be struck down. If it is clear that State officials still intend to discriminate, then Federal examiners will be sent into register all eligible voters. When the prospect of discrimination is gone, the examiners will be immediately withdrawn. And, under this act, if any county anywhere in this Nation does not want Federal intervention, it need only open its polling places to all of its people.
—President Lyndon Johnson "This is a tough game. You can't be intimidated. You can't be frightened. And as far as I'm concerned, the Tea Party can go straight to hell."
—Rep. Maxine Waters (D-CA) “Somebody has to do something, and it’s just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us.”
—Jerry Garcia ”I was born a poor Black child...”
—Steve Martin "Hey, guess what? Screw you. Try to keep up. Keep up, okay? These young punks. I will go after them—I will drop them like a bag of dirt."
—Al Roker, 69, to critics on social media that he's too old to cover hurricanes "Stigma is the greatest barrier to seeking care for individuals who have mental illness, the greatest barrier for a person with a mental illness. And it’s the greatest barrier for those of us in the field who are trying to do something about it."
—Rosalynn Carter "A few weeks ago I was able to throw out the first pitch at the Nationals game. I don't know if you saw it, but I threw it a little high and a little outside. This is how FOX News covered it: President panders to extreme left-wing of batter box."
—President Barack Obama
To the above and those in our Daily Kos community who completed another trip around the sun this month, in person or in spirit: happy birthday and many blessings on your camels.
And now, our feature presentation…
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Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, August 23, 2023
Note: If there is a sudden loss of cabin pressure in the C&J kiddie pool, an oxygen mask will fall from the overhead compartment. But only one, so you'll all have to fight over it. (What, you think we're made of money?) —Mgt.
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4 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til Women's Equality Day: 3
Days 'til Maine's Windsor Fair: 4
Seasonally-adjusted vehicle miles traveled in the U.S. during June, up 2.8% from last June: 269 billion
Inches of rain that fell on San Diego Sunday, 10 times the city’s average summertime rainfall: 1.82"
Los Angeles rainfall on Sunday: 2.82"
Bond amount Trump agreed to in his Fulton County criminal case: $200,000
Number of Domino's Pizza stores—all of them in that country—that are finally closing in Russia: 142
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 185 (including 50 nuclear nations and 1 no-hitter by Jesus). Soul Protection Factor 18 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Farewell, Cheems Balltze…
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CHEERS to the Comforter-in-Chief. President Biden and First Lady Jill Biden traveled to Maui this week (and boy, are their arms tired), where they got a close-up look at the fire damage and offered words of hope and action—but no flying rolls of paper towel—to the resilient but still shaken residents:
“For as long as it takes, we’re going to be with you. The whole country will be with you,” Biden said at a news conference from Lahaina after an aerial tour of the town. Nice having a president again whose hands are large enough to take selfies. Oh, and also a president who smiles. He spoke about the loss of his wife and daughter in a traffic accident in 1972, sharing how sudden tragedy had touched his own life. “I know the feeling that many of the people in this town, that hollow feeling in your chest like you’re being sucked into a black hole,” Biden said. “It’s one thing to know, but it’s quite another thing to have to wait to wonder whether your family member is going to be OK.” Lahaina was home to about 13,000 people. Officials have said the vast devastation will likely take years to recover from and that it will cost billions of dollars to rebuild.
The networks provided team coverage of the president's visit, reporting on the story from all of their most important angles, including: why did he wait so long to visit Maui, why did he rush so quickly to visit Maui, why did he stay so long on Maui, why didn’t he stay long enough on Maui, how will this hurt him in the 2024 election, how will this help him in the 2024 election, and MY GOD LOOK AT HOW MUCH FUEL HE WASTES TRAVELING ON AIR FORCE ONE! Edward R. Murrow weeps.
CHEERS and JEERS to moolah matters. As the week rolls on towards its inevitable conclusion, let’s check in with some recent economic headlines we plucked off the money tree to find out if we should start moving our cash from the secret hole in our back yard to the secret hole in our basement. Caution: whiplash ahead:
» Lowe's stock is rising as earnings beat expectations » Dick's Sporting Goods stock tanks as thieves snatch profits » Fears arise of AI taking people out of jobs » AI more likely to help workers than take their jobs Speaking of money, how’s that Tubman Twenty coming, Secretary Yellen? She’s not getting any younger, y’know. » Home prices rose in July after 5 months of declines » Home sales fall again in July, as supply drops to near quarter century low » Fewer Americans, including millionaires, consider themselves wealthy » Americans want almost $79,000 salary to start a new job » Only 8% of used cars sold in Maine are priced under $20,000 » China’s Xi calls for patience as Communist Party tries to reverse economic slump
And this just in: Millennial and Gen Z couples say they aren’t getting married, because it’s too expensive right now. On behalf of all the guests looking for any excuse to get out of going to weddings: thank you, inflation.
JEERS to the most ridiculous talking heads in the world. I'm told there's a debate tonight among all the MAGA cultists who want to be the next president of the United States. Well, except for the three candidates who didn't qualify because they don’t have name recognition among even their family members, and the one candidate who's trouncing them all by 50 points is doing an interview on Twitter instead with Russian pundit Tucker Carlson.
The stooges won’t be watching the debate, as it will only lower their I.Q.
Am I gonna watch it? Hell no. I can already rattle off the talking points they'll use to gaslight the audience about the "Democrat party." And every single one of those sanctimonious jackasses on stage may criticize Trump a bit but, wiping the flop sweat from their brows thinking about how his followers want to hang all dissenters, they'll pledge to vote for him in 2024 anyway after he kicks their asses in the primaries. So it becomes a question of do I want to contribute to the ratings of Fox News? No, I do not. So watch for my completely made-up debate summary tomorrow. I wrote it six weeks ago and I think you'll agree it captures what we didn’t see quite well
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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x "The surface of the Earth is the shore of the cosmic ocean." ― Carl Saganpic.twitter.com/UUEY3Ek0h6 — Wonder of Science (@wonderofscience) August 21, 2023
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to imperial takesie backsies. During this week in 1814, King George III got all pissy and ordered British forces to attack Washington, DC during the War of...um...1812. The president and members of Congress fled while First Lady Dolley Madison, armed with nothing but a butcher knife and her patriotism, rescued artwork and leftover mutton before the redcoats torched the White House. The 8/24 Commission Report later said President Madison should have heeded the PDB titled: "King George III Determined to Strike In US." Curse you, 20-20 hindsight.
JEERS to doing "a heckuva job, Brownie." News flash: North Korea also has natural disasters, and when they happen you can always count on Dear Leader to react accordingly…by blaming someone else:
Kim inspected a tideland on the west coast on Monday after seawater recently destroyed an embankment with inadequate drainage system, flooding more than 560 hectares of land, including over 270 hectares of rice paddies, news agency KCNA said. Chastising officials for their “very irresponsible” neglect of duties, Kim singled out Kim Tok Hun, premier of the cabinet, for inspecting the destroyed site once or twice “with the attitude of an onlooker”.
Thus explaining the little plaque on Kim's desk that reads: "The buck stops with that guy currently getting eaten by my pet alligator."
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Ten years ago in C&J: August 23, 2013
JEERS to the ongoing Fukushitstorm. I have two points to make about this…
The operator of Japan's crippled Fukushima nuclear plant said on Thursday new spots of high radiation had been found near storage tanks holding highly contaminated water, raising fear of fresh leaks as the disaster goes from bad to worse. The announcement comes after Tokyo Electric Power Corporation (Tepco) said this week contaminated water with dangerously high levels of radiation was leaking from a storage tank.
And this…
The International Atomic Energy Agency in Vienna and the U.S. Nuclear Regulatory Commission said they are prepared to help.
Point one: When you buy storage tanks for highly-radioactive water (or highly-radioactive freakin' anything), it helps to buy storage tanks that don’t turn into un-storage tanks.
Point two: When the world experiences the worst nuclear disaster ever, and the people responsible for cleaning it up appear to have no clue what they're doing, it might be nice if the International Atomic Energy Agency and the Nuclear Regulatory Commission didn’t just "prepare" to help, but actually got their asses on a plane and helped.
I have a few more points, but they're mostly cuss words.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to a good tale told good. I don’t know who "Uncle Maynard" is other than he describes himself on TikTok as "Business owner, Pilot, Educator, Climber, Sailor, Baja 1000 Champion,” and he went to the California State University Long Beach. As I was looking for a quote from August birthday boy Senator Chris Murphy, I saw that he'd posted this in his twitter feed, and if you like a good story about getting into "good trouble," refill your cuppa and enjoy…
x This dude should be awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom I’m dead fucking serious.
He should run for president and do nothing but play this video. pic.twitter.com/bQINeHrDXh — Kyle (@SonOfUhGunn) August 12, 2023
Yes, but who does he have in mind as his running mate? I’ll make no decisions until he announces his running mate.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial In a recent sermon that, oddly enough, did not seem to have much to do with Cheers and Jeers, Pastor Greg Locke took out a baseball bat with a bunch of Bibles strapped to it and smashed a kiddie pool to bits. For Jesus. —Wonkette
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[END]
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