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Cheers and Jeers: Monday [1]
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Date: 2023-08-21
Revisiting the Putdown of Putdowns Oh, that crazy summer of '09, when town hall meetings suddenly became rife with spittle-flinging birther bullshit and teabaggers (later to become full-on “America First” cultists in Chinese-made red hats) demanding the government do the exact things that would make the economy even worse, egged on by the conservative media and Koch brothers’ astroturf machine.
But out of the wankery came a hero from the left who won a decisive victory in a town hall skirmish: former Congressman Barney Frank of Massachusetts who, 14 years ago this week, gave a Nazi-card-playing constituent something to cry in her strudel about when she trashed the Democrats’ effort to upgrade America's broken health insurance system. Watch his glorious response—as relevant today as it was then—below the fold:
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"When you ask me that question, I am going to revert to my
ethnic heritage and answer your question with a question:
on what planet do you spend most of your time?"
Responded Jon Stewart later that night: "Apparently a planet where a mixed-race president and a gay Jew qualify as Nazis." Saaaaalute!
And now, our feature presentation...
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Cheers and Jeers for Monday, August 21, 2023
Note: At the sound of the tone, all hell will break loose and you’ll have 10 seconds to successfully defend yourself with whatever crude weapon you can find. Unfortunately our tone generator is broken and in the shop for repairs, so this could take awhile. But it’s coming. By early next week, we’re told. So here’s what we’ll do: we’ll sound a “pre-tone” tone that’ll give you 10 seconds to prepare for the actual “you have 10 seconds before all hell breaks loose” tone. Because we’re nothing if not reasonable. Also you have a little dab of jam on your lip. Thank you.
—Management Staring Down At You From An Invisible Glass Booth
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By the Numbers:
4 days!!!
Days 'til the televised MAGA clown show tryouts: 2
Days 'til the Butler Italian Festival in Pennsylvania: 4
Current estimate of 3rd quarter gross domestic product by the Atlanta Fed: 5.7%
Initial unemployment claims announced last week, down 11k from the previous week: 239,000
Daily caffeine maximum recommended by the FDA: 400mg
Number of 8oz cups of coffee that equal 400mg: 4-5
Minimum number of incidents of visitors at Stoke Fruit Farm on Hayling Island (off England's south coast) posing nude in its field of sunflowers, an activity they would like people to stop: 6
Totally Random Women’s World Cup Soccer Final Score Spain 1 England 0
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Puppy Pic of the Day: In Boston, the Liberty Hotel gets a new director of pet relations…
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CHEERS to Monday morning! Sure, there might be fires and floods, and the Arctic is melting faster than even the most brilliant climate scientists predicted, and Trump cultists are calling for violence against anyone (including their beloved police and FBI) who doesn't wear a red MAGA ballcap, and Russia is still committing war crimes in Ukraine, and our voting rights are still hanging by a thread, and…oh, just listen to me yammer on and on. At least these guys are having a great time:
x Wednesday's @ISS_Research focused on exercise, physics, and robotics while the Exp 69 crew awaits upcoming cargo and crew missions.
https://t.co/ErnBNNsoZN — International Space Station (@Space_Station) August 16, 2023
Thanks, NASA. You’re a little array of sunshine.
JEERS to doubting that they took my advice. I've been telling southern California for what seems like forever: your historic droughts are going to return, so save every drop of water you can that falls from the sky. Save it in tanks and buckets and cisterns. Save it in jugs and cups and saucers. Save it in ladles and spoons and ice cube trays. Save it in coolers and bowls and bird baths and Arnold Schwarzenegger's basement. Hell, save it in your hats and your shoes and your girdles. Over the weekend there was a lot of opportunity for water saving, to put it mildly:
x Breathtaking satellite shot of Tropical Storm Hilary on its final approach to California.
This event is something we might only see once in our lifetime. pic.twitter.com/ScLaMzoH8l — Nahel Belgherze (@WxNB_) August 20, 2023
If California experiences a drought again in my lifetime, I'll know they didn’t take my advice and instead let the water run uselessly off into the ocean. And I'll be sorely disappointed. As we all know, this is all about me.
JEERS to just another ho-hum Monday. Today was supposed to be the day that every charge against the 45th President of the United States turned to dust because of the thousands of hours of dogged detective work done by the awesome and beautiful mind ("Man! Woman! Person! Camera! TV!") of Donald J. Trump:
“A Large, Complex, Detailed but Irrefutable REPORT on the Presidential Election Fraud which took place in Georgia is almost complete &will be presented by me at a major News Conference at 11:00 A.M. on Monday of next week in Bedminster, New Jersey. Based on the results of this CONCLUSIVE Report, all charges should be dropped against me & others -There will be a complete EXONERATION! They never went after those that Rigged the Election. They only went after those that fought to find the RIGGERS!”
But then the deep state tiptoed into vacant Bedminster Suite #211 and stole his CONCLUSIVE Report from the bathtub, where it sat waiting to blow Jack Smith's and Fani Willis's and that guy up in New York's cases all to hell. So no major news conference today. But please take note, America: this was greatest, smartest, most beautiful and successful cancellation in the history of our country. How, oh how, did we ever deserve him?
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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x They like to move it, move it — Watch how this koala jumps from tree to tree in this slow-motion video taken by Australia’s Port Stephens Koala Hospital 🐨🎋 pic.twitter.com/BPWooMfIxe — NowThis (@nowthisnews) August 18, 2023
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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Ha ha! He wears curlers.
CHEERS to ticking off that dude in curlers. During this week in 1775, King George III got all pissy and accused the colonies of being in "an open and avowed rebellion" and asked "our obedient and loyal subjects to use their utmost endeavours to withstand and suppress such rebellion, and to disclose and make known all treasons and traitorous conspiracies which they shall know to be against us." And we were all, like, "Huh? Are you referring to little old us? Why, we’re just grubby ol’ farmers and fussy old shopkeepers—we wouldn’t hurt a fly!" Then we declared independence and kicked his ass. Psych!
CHEERS to order in the courts. "Hey, let's make voting a lot harder to do," said the Republican election controllers in Georgia. "Yeah, for example let's make it harder to vote absentee, and then deny food and water to voters who have to stand in long lines because we shut down a bunch of polling places in Democratic-leaning areas." And so they did. Then a federal judge stepped in and said, "Hey, that's just awesomely constitutional…NOT! " Over to you, Democracy Docket…
One of the now-blocked provisions required election officials to reject a voter’s absentee ballot if the birth date written on an outer ballot envelope did not match the birth date listed in a voter’s registration record. The other provision prohibited individuals from handing out food and water within 25 feet of a voter standing in line—even if the voter was further than 150 feet from a polling place—and imposed criminal penalties on those who violated this rule. As a result of today’s court victories blocking both the birth date matching requirement and the line-warming ban, Georgia voters will no longer be subject to S.B. 202’sunnecessarily burdensome requirements that increased the likelihood of disenfranchisement for both in-person and absentee voters.
Up next: a challenge to the new Georgia state law requiring voters to simultaneously rub their tummy and pat their head while standing on one foot in Democratic-leaning districts. Send those positive vibes, folks.
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Ten years ago in C&J: August 21, 2013
JEERS to the sack-o’-whine from Saskatchewan. Senator Ted Cruz will probably run for president in 2016, and since he was born outside the United States—Canada, so he says, but I think he's from commie Russia—he released his birth certificate to "prove" he's "one of US." I've examined the document with a magnifying glass and a proton scanner, and I'm now educated enough to make up a bunch of bullshit reasons why it's fake. Be sure to get my good side at the press conference, Fox News.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to securing macadamia nuts for the Homeland. Sixty-four years ago today, on August 21, 1959, President Eisenhower—whose moderate views would prompt Trump cult comparisons to Hitler if he was around today, which would be weird considering he defeated Hitler—signed an executive order proclaiming Hawaii as America's 50th state, unwittingly setting the stage for a secret plot by scalawags to, three years later, import a Kenyan-born baby in swaddling clothes to take over the Executive Branch in 2009 and kill all our old people with death panels. (That happened, right?)
Hawaii has excellent Senate representation in Brian Schatz and Mazie Hirono.
Even though Cokie Roberts may have once tut-tutted you for being too much of a "foreign, exotic place," Hawaii, C&J luvs ya just the way you are, and we’re all behind you as you recover from the wildfire in Maui. Tonight we celebrate with some tiny bubbles in the wine. And later, after our bean supper, maybe a few more in the tub.
Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial Offering seclusion in Daily Kos that is not afforded at the White House, President Joe Biden has also turned to the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool, which has a movie theater, arcade, chapel, fitness center, skeet shooting range, tennis courts and a swimming pool, for respite and relaxation like many of his predecessors. —USA Today
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