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Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday [1]
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Date: 2023-08-09
And Now This Brief Commercial Message
Via the Lincoln Project, all the greatest hits zooming up the Hot 100 Indictments chart...
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Please remember: always dance in the streets responsibly.
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, August 9, 2023
Note: C&J has been downgraded by Fitch's from Grade-A snark to Grade-B dreck. Please sneer at it accordingly. —Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
8 days!!!
Days 'til National Rum Day: 7
Days 'til the 113th Fisherman's Feast in Boston: 8
Drop in used car prices over the last year: 11.6%
Cannabis industry-related sales in Maine through July: $118 million
Amount that Oppenheimer has earned at the box office, making it the highest-grossing movie set during World War II: $553 million
Age of director William Friedkin (The Exorcist, The French Connection) when he died Monday: 87
Lifetime production of honey by a worker bee: 1/12th teaspoon
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 184 (including 5 antichrists and 1 invasion of unidentified flying Satan demons). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
P.S. Our first Mid-week Rapture Index debuted 17 years ago this week. Back then, the magic number stood at a low, low 158. Not to sound alarmist, but you might want to keep a duffle bag under your bed with a few changes of underwear, a toothbrush, and a wad of cash (yes, you can take it with you). And a passport—Heaven requires a passport now.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: I'm told that everyone deserves this…
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CHEERS to a simple majority. Thankfully, that's all it took yesterday for Ohio voters to say NO to a referendum that would've raised the threshold for passing future referendums to 60 percent—a clumsy attempt by the state's MAGA cult to move the goalposts ahead of November's vote to enshrine abortion rights into the state constitution:
A huge victory for women, fairness, small-d democracy, and big-D Democrats. Another terrible, no-good, horrible omen for Republicans hoping that abortion won’t be an issue in 2024. Dream on, dummies.
CHEERS to a grand opening. President Biden strapped on Jetpack One and rocketed off to the Grand Canyon yesterday, where he cut a used a giant pair of scissors to cut a ribbon 1,562 miles long and officially open America's newest National Park:
Tribes in Arizona have been pushing Biden to use his authority under the Antiquities Act of 1906 to create a new national monument called Baaj Nwaavjo I’tah Kukveni. “Baaj Nwaavjo” means “where tribes roam,” for the Havasupai people, while “I’tah Kukveni” translates to “our footprints,” for the Hopi tribe. […] Congressman Raúl Grijalva gets a pen during the signing. Lucky duck. Gov. Katie Hobbs, Democratic Sen. Mark Kelly and Sen. Kyrsten Sinema, an Independent, are all on board. Hobbs, a Democrat, has openly urged Biden to issue a designation. In a letter sent to Biden in May, Hobbs claimed that she heard from people across the political spectrum, including sporting groups and outdoor groups, in support of a monument.
Today Dark Brandon is New Mexico-bound to promote his successful infrastructure and inflation reduction efforts, then it's off to Utah tomorrow to mark one year since he signed legislation known as the PACT Act for veterans exposed to burn pits. His likely challenger in 2024 will spend the rest of his week running from the law in four states. Choices, choices.
JEERS and CHEERS to the "Fat Man." 78 years ago, on August 9, 1945, three days after the first atomic bomb was dropped on Hiroshima, we did the same thing with a second one over Nagasaki. The bad news: it killed 74,000 people and caused unspeakable damage that lingers to this day. The good news: there was no third one.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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x Chimpanzee uses wildlife photographer’s hands to drink water and then washes them at the end as a thank you.
The kindness of animals 😭🇨🇲🐵 (🎥:jcpieri) pic.twitter.com/NHS90teRj0 — GoodNewsMovement (@GoodNewsMVT) August 1, 2023
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to happy endings. On August 9, 1842, the U.S. and Canada peaceably resolved their border dispute with the signing the Webster-Ashburton Treaty:
This treaty marked the end of unofficial fighting (known informally as the Aroostook War) along the Maine border with the Canadian provinces of Quebec and New Brunswick and resolved issues that had led to the Indian Stream dispute as well as the Caroline Affair. Maine’s badass border-guard puffins on patrol. The border was fixed with the disputed territory divided between the two nations. The British acquired the Halifax-Quebec road route they desired. Also, as a result of this treaty, portions of the US-Canada border were adjusted so as to give the US negligibly more land to the north. The Webster–Ashburton Treaty failed to clarify ownership of Machias Seal Island and nearby North Rock, which remain in dispute today.
Our catapults are at the ready, just in case Justin Trudeau gets some crazy notion of staging a midnight raid on our gunpowder and womenfolk. Without leaving their usual dozen cases of Molson in exchange, I mean.
JEERS to running away from reality. Oh noes! Big dustup down yonder Kennebunkport-way on the Maine coast where the Bush family has their compound. Seems a school board member resigned—via a newspaper ad, no less—because the other members are dedicated to seeing that all children are treated equally in the district's hallowed hallways and classrooms. But that was apparently a bridge too far for Jameson Davis. And what, specifically, was sticking in her craw? Great question, and one she's eager to answer:
Her letter did not reference specific policies that triggered her decision to resign.
Ah. That explains a lot. Mainly why this item has been brought to you by the letters M, A, G, and A.
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Ten years ago in C&J: August 9, 2013
CHEERS to chest-thumping. "Hey, Putin! Can you hear us now??!!! Put your fuckin' shirt back on and grow up." Okay, okay…President Obama was slightly more polite than that, but by canceling his summit with the Russian president, the message was loud and clear: tut tut. Probably nothing to worry about in the big picture. But, just to be safe, "duck and cover" drills will be incorporated into all Pilates classes today.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the life of Mr. Mellow. 28 years ago today, Grateful Dead icon Jerry Garcia died at a Northern California residential drug treatment center. He was felled by a heart attack at 53. Or, as I like to say, too effing young:
The Dead used their global influence to advance environmental concerns like saving the rainforest as well as other charitable causes. As the band's patriarch, Garcia became a larger-than-life figure to his fans. Those close to him knew him as a sensitive man with a spiritual side. As Garcia put it, "I love great art, poetry, all the things that enrich human life are things that I like. Also, there's tons of music that I love. I mean I don't really think I'm gonna be able to get around to everything that I potentially like in this lifetime." … Onstage, where the Grateful Dead launched extended jams, Garcia's guitar solos sent Deadheads into ecstatic dances and trances. But Garcia remained humble. "I'd like to learn how to play the guitar before I die. Yeah, that'd be good."
Yeah, their concerts were legendary. (I hear someone might've discreetly passed around a joint at one of 'em.) But for a gang of marauding hippies they warbled a pretty awesome Star Spangled Banner. In what's become an annual C&J tradition, here they are for an encore to sing us out, with an added reminder that our previous President of the United States still doesn’t know the words:
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Have a mellow Tuesday. (I hear Ben & Jerry's Cherry Garcia is wonderful this time of year.) Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial “Bill in Portland Maine is a completely self-centered, self-possessed, self-consumed, angry old man, and he doesn’t care about anybody else other than him." —Chris Christie
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[END]
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