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Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY! [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2023-07-28
Wayback Weekend ‘11
While the studios continue dragging their feet during the writers' strike in the hopes that they'll soon be able to give all the jobs to AI machines instead, C&J dips its ladle into the comedy cauldron of yesteryear. Here are some of the haps from that crazy summer of 2011, when Republicans were in one of their debt ceiling hostage-taking frenzies and the ocean temperature in Florida wasn't 101 degrees yet:
"Congress is pledging to work around the clock until they’re absolutely certain they will get nothing done."
—David Letterman "Right now the two sides are very far apart. The Democrats want to cut $2.7 trillion and raise the debt limit through the end of 2012. Republicans want to deport all Mexicans and replace Social Security with scratch-off lotto cards."
—Jimmy Kimmel
Continued...
How the #@!!% did you get below the fold? I really need a new bouncer.
"The Republican presidential field is an embarrassment of riches. In fact, the first two words that come to mind are embarrassment and rich."
—Stephen Colbert "Sarah Palin's documentary, The Undefeated, will be available on Pay-Per-View and On Demand by Sept. 1. The movie will be shown in English with English subtitles."
—Jimmy Fallon Biden and his boss, July 2011. "Michele Bachmann said her hometown of Waterloo, Iowa is the birthplace of John Wayne, when it is actually the birthplace of serial killer John Wayne Gacy. She then said her favorite sitcom from the ‘80s is Charles Manson in Charge."
—Conan O'Brien Michele Bachmann clip: The president doesn’t want to be confronted with priorities in spending, because he has a lot of choot-spa.
Jon Stewart: Y'know, I got a feeling saying the word "choot-spa" is gonna hurt more grandmothers than Obama cutting off their Social Security.
—The Daily Show "In Arizona they had a dust storm that was two miles high and 15 miles wide. It looked like something out of a movie. Visibility in Arizona, they said, was so bad that police were hassling white people."
—Bill Maher
And now, our feature presentation...
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Cheers and Jeers for Friday, July 28, 2023
Note: To maximize your C&J experience to its fullest, please make sure I am financially comfortable for the rest of my life. Together, we can make a difference. —Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the referendum vote in Ohio to determine if future referendum votes (like the abortion vote this November) require 60 percent to pass instead of 50 percent: 11
6 days!!!
Days 'til the start of Estherville Sweet Corn Days in Iowa: 6
Percent of likely Ohio voters polled by Suffolk University for USA Today who say they support adding a proposed abortion-rights amendment into the state constitution: 57%
Percent of teenagers with driver’s licenses in the 16-19 age group in 1995, according to the FHA: 64%
Percent of teenagers with driver’s licenses in the 16-19 age group in 2021: 39%
Age of Mick Jagger as of Wednesday: 80
Number of states with the letter Q in it, clearly a conspiracy orchestrated by the deep state: 0
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Weekend plans…
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CHEERS to the trickle-down slayer. Dark Brandon will brook no malarkey! There’s a time for ice cream, and a time for getting the economy back in order, and Joe saw to it that our economy was the envy of the civilized world in the second quarter, with gross domestic product climbing by 2.4 percent despite the forecasters' claims that WE'RE HEADED FOR A RECESSION GUARANTEED EVERYONE FLEE TO YOUR SURVIVAL BUNKER!!!
The increase in real GDP reflected increases in consumer spending, nonresidential fixed investment, state and local government spending, private inventory investment, and federal government spending that were partly offset by decreases in exports and residential fixed investment. Imports, which are a subtraction in the calculation of GDP, decreased. They noticed! The media actually noticed! The increase in consumer spending reflected increases in both services and goods. The advance Q2 GDP report, with 2.4% annualized increase, was above expectations.
And on the jobs front, weekly unemployment claims came in under the forecasters' expectations. Amazingly, none of the newly-unemployed included incompetent forecasters.
JEERS to cranial malfunctions. Oops. Proving once again that when one light goes out in a Republican's head they all go out, Senator Mitch McConnell froze up during a press conference this week. The brain outage occurred after it was reported that he recently fell on his patio in Kentucky and again in D.C. and again in Finland, but before it was reported that he recently fell while getting off an airplane. His handlers say he recovered after they switched him off and then switched him back on. He suffered no permanent damage and his aides say he remains a healthy, functional, racist evil shit with no redeeming qualities.
CHEERS to the hockey mom-turned-hepcat. My, how time flies when you're griftin' your way to irrelevance. This week marks fourteen years since Sarah Palin officially stopped governin' in Alaska, having resigned after half a term because "only dead fish go with the flow" (a lie, but whatever). After giving her farewell speech, she padded off to pursue her new passion of putting money before public service, but not before beat poet William Shatner put her tweets into the proper context on The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien:
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That was truly a crazy and surreal moment in time. Conan O'Brien actually hosted the Tonight Show???
P.S. I was reminded this week that nine years ago Palin threw up the web site “SarahPalinChannel.com,” a subscription-only channel that was going to propel the half-term Alaska governor to new heights of power, influence, and (most important) fabulous riches. I checked and the site is now an online gambling portal presented in a language that's not English. I guess her content was worth exactly what people ended up not paying for it.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to Bubba's foresight. Addressing a veterans convention in New Orleans on July 28, 1996, Bill Clinton called on Congress to pass expanded measures against acts of terror in the United States. It was a more innocent time back then, and today the Adult Children Moving Back in With Their Parents Act seems rather quaint.
CHEERS to home vegetation. It’s still the middle of summer (I checked), and that means the networks remain a weekend banquet of fighting shows, game shows, news shows, dating shows, cop shows, and, if you’re ABC’s 20/20 or NBC’s Dateline, grisly murder shows. Whoopie. If you want to dive into something streaming, you can see what looks good at Rotten Tomatoes. Sports: the MLB schedule is here, the Women’s World Cup info is here, and the WNBA schedule is here. 60 Minutes features encores of reports on the world’s largest offshore wind farm and the Sanctuary of Our Lady of Lourdes. And Sunday night HBO airs the glorious season finale of megachurch-skewering The Righteous Gemstones.
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: TBA This Week: Rep. Dan Goldman of the House Oversight Committee (D-NY); Gov. Chris Sununu (MAGA Cult-NH); Matthew McConaughey on the Greenlights Grant Initiative to make schools safer. Congressman Dan Goldman has been a real thorn in the side of GOP House investigations. Expect some top-notch sound bites Sunday morning on “This Week.” Face the Nation: Neel Kashkari of the 9th Federal Reserve District (Minneapolis); former Gov. Asa Hutchinson (MAGA Cult-AR); CBS News legal beagles on the new Trump “superseding” indictment; Nikki Haley, whoever she is. CNN's State of the Union: Senator Chris Murphy (D-CT); Chris Christie; MAGA cultist presidential candidate Vivek Ramaswamy, who pledges to “rule by executive fiat” and believes that "people should be proud to live a high-carbon lifestyle." Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Rep. Nancy Mace (MAGA Cult-SC); Gov. and presidential candidate Doug Burgum (MAGA Cult-ND).
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: July 28, 2013
CHEERS to hitting the halfway mark. From what I'm told, a pope needs to be responsible for two "confirmed" miracles in order to become a saint. Yesterday Pope Francis performed his first miracle, and it was a doozy: he actually said the word "gay" without invoking Sodom and Gomorrah, shooting lightning bolts out of his fingers, or perching Cardinal Timothy Dolan on his shoulder so he could shout, "Bwok! Straight to Hell! Bwok! Straight to Hell!" like a deranged parrot. In fact, he was downright non-dickish about it:
"If someone is gay and seeks the Lord with good will, who am I to judge?" said the pope Monday on a flight from Brazil to Rome. Pope Francis also registered what appeared to be a more moderate position on how Catholic doctrine dictates gay people should be treated, reports Australia's ABC. "The catechism of the Catholic Church says clearly that we must not marginalize these people who should be integrated into society."
It occurs to me that I just read something the Pope said about gays and it didn’t cause my blood pressure to spike. Hey, there’s Miracle #2!!!
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And just one more…
CHEERS to red meat that's not the political kind. On July 28, 1900, reportedly while trying to piss off his vegan neighbor, Louis Lassen invented the humble hamburger in New Haven, Connecticut. Louis' Lunch is still in business and kickin' it old-school:
The beginnings of the hamburger sandwich as we all know it today was really quite simple. One day in 1900, a gentleman hurriedly walked into Louis' Lunch and told proprietor Louis Lassen he was in a rush and wanted something he could eat on the run. In an instant, Louis placed his own blend of ground steak trimmings between two slices of toast and sent the gentleman on his way. And so, the most recognizable American sandwich was born. What the original hamburger looked like. (And at Louis’ Lunch, it still does.) Today, Louis' great grandson, Jeff Lassen, carries on the tradition. The hamburgers have changed little from their historic prototype and remain the specialty of the house. Burgers are made fresh daily; hand-rolled from a proprietary blend of five meat varieties and cooked to order in the original cast-iron grills dating back to 1898. The Lassen family holds firm on their desire not to offer any condiments. The Louis Lunch experience is about the taste and simplicity of a fresh burger grilled to perfection. Cheese, tomato, and onion are the only acceptable garnish.
So happy birthday to the hamburger, for 123 years the quintessential representation of America's diet until the next Republican gets elected president when it will be replaced with cat food. (And, yes, I would like fries with that.)
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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