(C) Daily Kos
This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered.
. . . . . . . . . .
Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Air Conditioning FRIDAY! [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2023-07-21
Wayback Weekend ‘07
While the studios continue being unnecessarily-greedy buttheads during the umpteenth week of the writers' strike, C&J dips its ladle into the comedy cauldron of yesteryear. Here are some of the haps from that crazy summer of 2007, when the rats were fleeing the S.S. Dubya and the MAGA movement was a gleam in nobody’s eye…
"Earlier today a new list of the Seven Wonders of the World were unveiled and the list includes the Great wall of China, The Taj Mahal and the Coliseum in Rome. After seeing the list, President Bush asked, 'What about Space Mountain?'"
—Conan O'Brien "Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans."
—Stephen Colbert
Continued...
You are now below the fold. Fact: FDR created folds as part of the New Deal.
"The president's advisor Karl Rove announced he's resigning. I was surprised. I didn't think anyone in the White House had an exit strategy."
—Craig Ferguson Stephen bids Rove adieu on “The Colbert Report.” "We all know Karl Rove resigned yesterday. Big blow to the White House. Rumsfeld's gone. Wolfowitz, Harriet Miers, Dan Bartlett, all gone. Cheney? Never much help during the summer. That's his egg-laying season."
—Jon Stewart "[T]here's a senator from Louisiana, David Vitter, who admitted he's been dating prostitutes. And he was very generous with one girl—he paid her with a new highway project in her home state. ... One thing I'll say for this guy from Louisiana, this David Vitter, at least he went to a professional and left the congressional pages alone."
—David Letterman "President Bush has left for vacation and his poll numbers are going up. So, basically, people approve of the job he's doing more when he's not doing the job."
—Jay Leno "Rudy Giuliani has used the words 'Islamic terrorism' so many times, the phrase 'September 11th' is starting to get jealous."
—Stephen Colbert
And now, our feature presentation…
-
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, July 21, 2023
Note: Just a heads-up that there will be no C&J on Monday for disciplinary reasons. Back Tuesday with a retraction, an apology, a mea culpa, and...regrets? I'll have a few. But then again, too few to mention. —Mgt.
-
By the Numbers:
5 days! I hope they lock Jim Jordan in the dunk tank. (Oops, where did those piranhas comes from?)
Weeks 'til Barack Obama's 62nd birthday: 2
Days 'til the 168th Ohio State Fair in Columbus: 5
Percent of Americans who say they approve of labor unions, according to Gallup, up from 54 percent a decade ago: 72%
The last year when unions had that kind of approval: 1965
Percent increase in child labor violations in the U.S. since 2015, after more than a dozen states passed laws to loosen child labor restrictions: 283%
Age of the boy who died last week at a Mississippi poultry plant: 16
Year the first person crossed Niagara Falls via tightrope: 1859
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: From Bakhmut to York…Saved!!!
-
CHEERS to creative solutions to multi-tentacled problems. Space Invaders: great video game, not-so-great possible threat to life on Earth. And because all of our other problems have been solved, the House Oversight Committee is meeting next week to figure out what the hell we do if malevolent overlords from space try to horn in on our own psychopaths in charge. A preview:
The scientist and military intelligence officer leading the Pentagon's task force for unidentified anomalous phenomena (UAPs)—which the public calls UFOs—says being caught off guard by "intelligent or extraterrestrial technical supremacy" remains a top concern as investigators analyze more than 800cases of mysterious sightings reported by U.S. military personnel dating back decades. Awww...they’ve got Mitch McConnell’s lips. "Data and science has to guide where you go, and we will follow the data," Dr. Sean Kirkpatrick said last month, in an exclusive first interview after his appointment to the All-Domain Anomaly Resolution Office, or AARO. […] The AARO has looked into some high-profile UAP sightings, highlighted in congressional hearings, including a 2019 video recording taken by Navy sailors of glowing triangles floating above them.
Should we, in fact, be targeted by the Orpglorpians from Alpha Centauri, or even the [Loud sucking sound]-ians from Andromeda, I have a fool-proof, two-prong plan for defeating them. Step 1) Yank the tarp off the Jewish space laser and aim for any of their 38 kneecaps. And of that doesn’t work, we switch to Plan B: embarrass them back to their home planet by saturating social media with photoshopped deep fake memes of them buying NFTs from Melania Trump. (Or is that too cruel?)
JEERS to that old time religion. And in the Year of Our Lord 2020 Jesus looked down and spoketh: "I have heard the 45th president musing about the possible benefits of bleach to cure the Covid, and I hereby grant my adherents all rights to share the magic elixir with the masses. Now go forth and do capitalism." And the adherents did the capitalism. And Jesus said it was good. Sadly, the deep state disagreed:
Four members of a Florida family were convicted Wednesday of selling a toxic industrial bleach as a fake Covid-19 cure through their online church. […] Good god. Prosecutors called the Grenons “con men” and “snake-oil salesmen” and said the Bradenton family’s Genesis II Church of Health and Healing sold $1 million worth of their so-called Miracle Mineral Solution. In videos, it was pitched as a cure for 95% of known diseases, including Covid-19, Alzheimer’s, autism, brain cancer, HIV/AIDS and multiple sclerosis, prosecutors said. What the Grenons were selling was actually chlorine dioxide, officials said. When ingested, the solution becomes a bleach that is typically used for such things as treating textiles, industrial water, pulp and paper, according to the Food and Drug Administration. Authorities said it is the same as drinking bleach and can be fatal.
Maybe next time, guys, just stick with loaves and fishes.
CHEERS to a good man to have on Lincoln's team. On Sunday’s date in 1885, Ulysses S. Grant, the larger-than-life general who helped beat back the Trump crowd's traitorous ancestors by winning the Civil War (even though he fainted at the sight of blood—really) and then went on to spend a rocky, cronies-run-amok eight years in the White House, died in Mount McGregor, N.Y. at 63. Today we appreciate him for this nugget from the book Rating the Presidents:
He kept his own religious values and practice to himself. In the larger view for the country, he believed in a strict separation of church and state, stating in his seventh annual message to Congress: In terms of appearance, our 18th president was straight out of central casting. "As this will be the last annual message which I shall have the honor of transmitting to Congress before my successor is chosen, I will repeat or recapitulate the questions which I deem of vital importance which may be legislated upon and settled at this session. [...] Declare church and state forever separate and distinct, but each free within their proper spheres; and that all church property shall bear its own proportion of taxation."
Go pay your respects here. But don’t leave him any cigars—they’re what killed him. Perhaps toss up a nice salad.
-
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
x I love this man! 😍 pic.twitter.com/MTj1LHY8hT — Jessi 💫 (@its_jessi_grace) July 18, 2023
-
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
CHEERS to comeuppance. 49 years ago today, on July 21, 1974, the House Judiciary Committee approved two articles of impeachment against Richard "Okay, I Guess I Am A Crook After All" Nixon. That same day, he was giving a speech at a private home in Bel Air, California. Let's see... He talked about the host's fine tent. He talked about the struggle between Greece and Turkey. He talked about his trip to Egypt. He talked about some former administration officials. And then he toasted his audience with a fine whine:
"You wonder sometimes, and I am often asked, you know, how do you really take the burden of the Presidency, particularly when at times it seems to be under very, very grievous assault. Let me say, it isn't new for it to be under assault, because since the time we came into office for 5 years, we have had problems. Buh bye. There have been people marching around the White House when we were trying to bring the war to an end, and we have withstood that, and we will withstand the problems of the future."
He forgot to add four crucial words: "...for 19 more days."
CHEERS to home vegetation. Look. It’s the middle of summer, everything’s reruns, and the networks are basically just a weekend banquet of fighting shows, game shows, news shows, dating shows, and cop shows. So take your pick and God bless.
The windmill hole at the British Open dashes a lot of hopes.
If you want to dive into something streaming (or actually take your chances in a movie theater), you can see what looks good at Rotten Tomatoes. Sports: the MLB schedule is here, the WNBA schedule is here, and the Women’s World Cup Soccer Tournament info is here. And even if you don't give a caddie's p'tootey about golf, chances are you'll take an occasional cursory look at the leader board for the 151st British Open (7am tomorrow and Sunday on NBC), happening at Royal Liverpool, home to the dreaded Welsh rarebit traps and lakes of flaming haggis.
Or, if you simply prefer brain torture, take your pick of these fine Sunday morning lineups, during which the Republican cultists will spout bullshit conspiracy theories unchallenged, while the Democrats will instantly be shut down because their reliance on facts and common sense might offend sensitive viewers:
This Week: Gov. Jay Inslee (D-WA); Rep. Michael McCaul (MAGA Cult-TX); Palm Springs Mayor Grace Elena Garner. ← Better than all the crap to the left. Sunday at noon. Face the Nation: Transgender health care expert Marci Bowers, M.D.; Gov. Phil Murphy (D-NJ); Phoenix Mayor Kate Gallego (D); Rep. Tony Gonzales (MAGA Cult-TX); Chris Christie. Meet the Press: British Open coverage. CNN's State of the Union: Govs. Jared Polis (D-CO) and Spencer Cox (MAGA Cult-UT); Speaker Emerita (Latin for “ass kicker”) Nancy Pelosi (D-CA). and mike pence. Fox MAGA Talking Points Sunday: MAGA cultist Vivek Ramaswamy, currently losing to Deez Nuts in the latest 2024 presidential primary polling by 180 points.
Happy viewing!
-
Ten years ago in C&J: July 21, 2013
CHEERS to new teammates. We got a new Labor Secretary!!! We got a new EPA Administrator!!! I don’t know what kind of dirt Harry Reid found on Mitch McConnell, but apparently it was enough to break the filibuster logjam. The new Labor guy is Thomas Perez, who made Rush Limbaugh so scared that he compared him to the "grand kleagle of the Ku Klux Klan." The new EPA chief is Gina McCarthy, whom Republicans despise because, in her previous job as chief air-quality regulator, she hurt Big Energy's fee-fees. So far I'd say they're both off to a great start.
-
And just one more…
And than strangle the little sucker until it flops over and turns blue.
CHEERS to happy pruning. Some people say exercise is the best thing to clear your head. Some say yoga, others say a wee toke of the wacky tobacky, while a handful find peace by short-sheeting the beds at nursing homes. I say it's actually spending a lazy hour or two in the garden pulling weeds, which we intend to do this weekend. Here's how to do it in the most satisfying way: 1) Grab the base of the little bastard. 2) Give it a gentle yet persistent tug and wait for the satisfying "Rrrrrrip!" sound that lets you know you've eliminated the menace by the roots. 3) Hold it up and say, "You're gone , McCarthy. As for you, Jordan, Boebert, Boebert, Gaetz and the rest...you're next." 4) Laugh maniacally. 5) Acknowledge the spontaneous applause coming from the neighbors' yards. 6) If you have more weeds than there are idiot House morons, move on to idiot senators, governors and Fox News hosts. Have fun!
And have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
[END]
---
[1] Url:
https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/7/21/2182260/-Cheers-and-Jeers-Rum-and-Air-Conditioning-FRIDAY
Published and (C) by Daily Kos
Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified.
via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds:
gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/
