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Cheers and Jeers: Monday [1]

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Date: 2023-07-17

Give ‘Em Hell, Harry 75 years ago this week, in 1948, President Harry Truman accepted the nomination for another term at the Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia. And, man, talk about sounding like a broken record—his words expressed a frustration at Republican obstruction that could've been sounded by any Democratic president in the 75 years since: “On the Labor Department, the Republican platform of 1944 said, if they were in power, that they would build up a strong Labor Department. They have simply torn it up. Only one bureau is left that is functioning, and they cut the appropriation of that so it can hardly function. I recommended an increase in the minimum wage. What did I get? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Continued...

“I suggested that the schools in this country are crowded, teachers underpaid, and that there is a shortage of teachers. One of our greatest national needs is more and better schools. I urged Congress to provide $300 million to aid the States in the present educational crisis. Congress did nothing about it Spoiler Alert: He won. Time and again I have recommended improvements in the Social Security law, including extending protection to those not now covered, and increasing the amount of benefits, to reduce the eligibility age of women from 65 to 60 years. Congress studied the matter for two years, but couldn't find time to extend or increase the benefits. But they did find the time to take Social Security benefits away from 750,000 people, and they passed that over my veto. I have repeatedly asked the Congress to pass a health program. The Nation suffers from lack of medical care. That situation can be remedied any time the Congress wants to act upon it.”

The GOP: grand old pricks since forever.

And now, our feature presentation...

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Cheers and Jeers for Monday, July 17, 2023

Note: Please note that it is now a requirement to add an "(Already???)" anytime you reference that it is now the middle of July (Already???) in any verbal or written correspondence. Thank you. —Mgt.

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By the Numbers:

Saturday!!!

Days 'til San Diego Comic-Con: 6

Days 'til the Atlanta Ice Cream Festival: 5

Number of Americans whose college student loans will be scrubbed under a $39 billion forgiveness effort by the Biden administration: 800,000

The last time inflation was as low as it is today under Bidenomics: 3/21

Year that fluorescent light bulbs will no longer be sold in Maine because of their mercury content: 2026

Percent of the merchandise sold at Joe Biden's campaign store that is “Dark Brandon”-themed: 50%

Year the minute hand was added to watches: 1670

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Puppy Pic of the Day: In Scotland, it's a party!!!

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CHEERS to the summer of love. The mood-minders at the University of Michigan released their monthly report on how the mighty American consumer is feeling about the economy. You know things are back on track when the headline writers can't bring themselves to add a "but…"

Consumers are starting to feel better about the economy Finally—the whiniest population of any country in the world is finally happy. University of Michigan preliminary sentiment for July 72.6 versus 65.5 estimate U.S. consumer sentiment soars to its highest level since September 2021 U.S. consumer sentiment jumps to near two-year high on jobs market Americans haven't felt this good about the economy on almost two years Consumer sentiment gauge soars to22-month high in July U.S. consumer sentiment soars in early July as inflation eases

And so on and so forth. But before you start pouring yourself a tall glass of champagne to celebrate the birth of our new bubbly national mood…um…bring a glass for me. (I drunked all mine already.)

CHEERS to a record haul. Oh, the hands they were a' wringin' over whether or not EIGHTY YEAR OLD SENIOR CITIZEN WHO FALLS DOWN Joe Biden would have the mojo, the moxie, and the momentum (I was going to say Joementum, but that reminds me too much of Joe Effing Lieberman, plus it breaks the alliteration) to pull in enough Biden Bucks to fund his reelection campaign. The pundits said NO WAY! The consultants said NO WAY! Even a bunch of Democrats said NO WAY! Well, two people in this crazy world weren't worried—Joe Biden and me. That's why we're happy to announce, he and I, to all the doomsayers: WAY!

President Biden is starting his reelection campaign with tens of millions of dollars in the bank, dwarfing second-quarter fundraising totals already announced by the campaigns of former President Donald Trump and Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis. Dark Brandon hauls in the cash. According to an announcement from the campaign ahead of a Federal Elections Commission reporting deadline this weekend, the Biden-Harris campaign, Democratic National Committee and their joint fundraising committees combined to raise $72 million from April to the end of June. They have $77 million cash on hand. […] In the case of the Biden campaign, they point to donations coming from nearly 400,000 donors, with an average donation of $39. A lower average donation shows grassroots enthusiasm and not just the support of deep-pocketed mega-donors.

Importantly, that haul was raised without scamming the Democratic faithful via fake "have lunch with Joe" contests, unauthorized automatic bank-account debits, phony deadlines, or baseless fearmongering. And no red hats. Thank you, Jesus, no red hats.

CHEERS to pleasant foreign-relations surprises. 52 years ago this week, in 1971, President Nixon caused a stir when he announced he was leavin' on a jet plane to visit China wearing nothing but argyle socks and a cape. His mission: "To find the crystal dragon’s golden bedpan of the Yangtze and use its magical properties to smite my enemies, starting with that McGovern fella." Fortunately Pat was there to postpone the trip until he sobered up.

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BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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x Shoe organizer pic.twitter.com/JzybYWNaCG — Thingy things (@nerds_feed) July 7, 2023

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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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CHEERS to merry meetings. 48 years ago today, on July 17, 1975 (12:08pm ET to be exact), an Apollo crew docked with the Soyuz 19 spacecraft in orbit. (Because, if memory serves, Denny's was too crowded.) It was the first time the world's foremost cold warriors hooked up in space for, according to my Texas School Board-approved history textbook, praying to Baby Jesus from on high to smite all the drag queens and wipe out the scourge of Black history:

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Sadly, we’re now in a proxy war with Russia [P’tooey!] because their tinpot dictator decided his legacy wasn’t yet littered with enough war crimes. I still hold out hope that one day soon some Russian astronauts will be able to send him on a one way trip into space by luring him into a capsule after leaving a trail of the most irresistible of bait: shirtless photos of himself.

CHEERS to order in the courts. The notion that nasty things forged in fire that hasten the death of living organisms shouldn't be regulated is insane. But enough about Taco Bell's Burrito Supreme, let's talk gun control. Federal Judge Karin Immergut, taking into account the Supreme Court's recent (and stupid) admonishment that gun laws must hew to “historical tradition of firearm regulation,” took a peek at Oregon's citizen-passed referendum and ruled that it passes muster:

Oregon voters in November narrowly passed Measure 114, which requires residents to undergo safety training and a background check to obtain a permit to buy a gun. Well done, Oregon voters. (And your little drop boxes, too.) The legislation also bans the sale, transfer or import of gun magazines with more than 10 rounds unless they are owned by law enforcement or a military member or were owned before the measure’s passage. […] Large capacity magazines “are not commonly used for self-defense, and are therefore not protected by the Second Amendment,” Immergut wrote. “The Second Amendment also allows governments to ensure that only law-abiding, responsible citizens keep and bear arms.”

Of course this will end up before the tribunal made up of six billionaire-owned justices on the Supreme Court, who will find some bullshit justification for shooting the Oregon law between the eyes. But for now, hey, good guys win!

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Ten years ago in C&J: July 17, 2013

JEERS to our "prejudices as old as American history." There are going to be some strong voices offering their perspective on the tense and justifiably outraged mood of the black community in the wake of "the trial." I'm with Teacherken when he points to Eugene Robinson's eloquence in The Washington Post and says, read this now. It's a remarkable stick-on-the-fridge-for-future-reference essay on how the George Zimmerman trial is just the latest in a centuries-old pattern of racial, judicial, educational and economic injustice. He says we should be "appalled and outraged, but perhaps not surprised" by the way justice failed Trayvon Martin. That would be a good goal to set: changing society so that one day such verdicts do surprise us. Memo to the arc of the moral universe: bend faster.

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And just one more…

CHEERS to angels playing with beach balls. The Emmy nominations for excellence in TV-makin’ skills were announced last week, although with all the strikes going on I doubt there will be a ceremony this year. A few notables:

» Leading the pack: HBO's Succession with 27 nominations, followed by The Last of us with 24 and White Lotus with 23. » Barack Obama is nominated for his narration in the Netflix series Working: What We Do All Day. “Wheeeee! I caught the beach ball!” » The Problem with Jon Stewart, Jimmy Kimmel Live, The Daily Show, Late Night with Seth Meyers, and Stephen Colbert’s Late Show—all of whom contributed some of the best political humor and, specifically, cut-to-the-bone MAGA mockery, got nods for Best Variety Talk Series. » The 1619 Project was nominated for documentary/non-fiction series. » David Letterman’s interview with Volodymyr Zelenskyy got a nod for hosted non-fiction series/special, as did Oprah’s interview with Michelle Obama.

You can check out the full list here. Snubbed again: the two local blue-hair ladies who sing gospel tunes with the aid of a $25 karaoke machine at 3am every weekend on our public access channel. May God smite the academy with a bad case of having to listen to them for eternity.

Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial “The concern I have is that if they’re not splashing in a Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool at school, they’re not going to develop that lifelong emotional attachment to it like my children did and like I did.” —Bob Parker

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