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How to Help a Juvenile Child Molester [1]

['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']

Date: 2023-07-12

My nephew, fourteen years old, is the oldest of six kids. I've known him since he was a baby and he considers me a mentor. Other than his immediate family and his mentally-ill grandmother, he has no other family other than us. His mother has isolated him so that he has no friends or acquaintances either. He wants to join the army when he is old enough since he sees it as the only possibility of getting away from his life. That is probably no longer an option.

He's always had an overbearing mother who has rarely allowed him to own any toys and has given him no privacy, even walking in on him in the shower if she gets suspicious. Often, he is punished with more chores or screaming lectures because she does not like the expression on his face. I do not think there is physical abuse in the household, but there is a constant stream of insults and criticism about how he is lazy, worthless, and will never amount to anything. His father works to support the family but has no meaningful interaction with the children except to yell at them when the mother tells him to. Knowing that my nephew felt completely hopeless, about a year ago, we offered to let him move in with us once he turned 18 if he needs to. That has been his plan ever since.

Last school year, his mother removed him from public school, where he was excelling in both academics and sports, to "home school" instead. This was the mother’s second attempt at homeschooling. Previously, when she attempted it for a year, my nephew and all his siblings were held back a grade. Like last time, she spent the year having him clean the house, cook, do the laundry, yardwork, and most importantly, take care of the younger children. Most days, he was required to work from morning to evening. His only breaks from working were Sunday School at the church, our visits, or visits from one other family. Knowing that they had no curriculum, my wife called the local school system who sent out a timid school counselor. The school counselor asked if the family was home schooling, took the answer "yes" at face value, apologized, and left. I then called Georgia Child Protective Services (CPS) to report educational neglect, but they failed to even send out an investigator. Although this was my first time calling CPS, I know that a teacher and two different neighbors called previously about nutritional neglect, suspected physical abuse, and general neglect, all without anything more than a single interview.

So, about a month ago, we were shocked to hear that my nephew had been caught in the act attempting to molest a five year old - basically, he was unsuccessfully trying to rape her and did not realize why it was wrong. When his mother questioned him, he admitted to also fondling his seven year old sister. His mother and the mother of the other child both contacted the sheriff's department. The response from the deputy was "these things happen — boys often experiment." When both parents persisted, the Sheriff's Department reluctantly opened an investigation but have so far refused to file charges even though he admitted to everything. CPS opened a case also but they decided to wait on law enforcement before they take action. The only resource that CPS was willing to offer was counseling, but he has only had one session that I know of. Meanwhile, their church banned the entire family from their property, even the other kids.

His mother tried to get him placed in foster care, but CPS refused to discuss the possibility. His mother's response was to tell my nephew that he is no longer a part of the family and to lock him in the basement. She brings him food at mealtime, but he is not allowed to leave or interact with any family members other than her. Any possible entertainment has also been removed. Yesterday, he told his mother that he wanted to run away. She reminded him that he was not really a part of the family and told him "do whatever you think is best." His mother watched as he took an broken-down kid's bicycle and pedalled away without any food or water. About ten hours later, she reported him missing and about ten hours after that, law enforcement found him fifty miles from home, just a few miles from our house.

So, what can I do? Foster care or juvenile detention would be an improvement over this awful situation, but neither will happen soon or maybe at all. He'll be at our home tonight since his mother cannot stand to see him, but I do not feel comfortable having him live with us long-term. We have a spare bedroom, but we also have three young girls. I could call CPS again, but I suspect the only result would be for the mother to cut off contact with us. He needs help, and I don't know of anything available. Georgia Sheriff Youth Homes are not an option. There is a local in-patient adolescent mental health facility that may eventually be a short-term option but not immediately. What else can I do? I'm angry about what he did and the people he hurt, and I do not want to put my kids at risk. Despite everything, this kid is still family.

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[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/7/12/2180797/-How-to-Help-a-Juvenile-Child-Molester

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