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Ukraine: I'm thinking Prigozhin didn't understand his actions would be interpreted as a coup. Oops. [1]

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Date: 2023-06-25

So in the fine tradition of pulling large objects out of my posterior (speculating), I’d like to offer the following:

I don’t think Prigozhin was trying to pull off a coup. I’m thinking you all are blowing all of this way out of proportion. All he was doing was trying to personally shoot the Russian Minister of Defense who was declining to meet Prigozhin in Rostov to be shot. Shoigu was pretty busy faking numbers for Putin, so Prigozhin was simply making it easier for Shoigu to be shot by going to Moscow himself.

I know I got pretty ticked off when my political and professional rival shelled my camping spot with 152mm artillery, so I don’t really hold it against Prigozhin for getting a little miffed himself. And who amongst us hasn’t occupied a military command building and important supply location in a fit of pique? Hell, I just call that Tuesday.

Sure, that large convoy of BMP-3s and T-72s on trailers may have looked menacing, but how else would he get Shoigu to unlock the doors to the Kremlin? Wait, you all thought those tanks were to take political power? Really? Don’t be silly. You’d need more than a few thousand men and and a few dozen armored vehicles to take over Russia. He was just trying to kill the Defense Minister. And that guy probably had a few tanks too so its not like Prigozhin could just show up with a single BMP-1. Prig had to bring something.

But then Putin took things all out of proportion. Somehow, Putin got the stupid idea Prig was coming for him and not Shoigu. Okay, someone who could forcefully remove the Minister of Defense from power MIGHT do the same to the President, but Priggy hadn’t said a single word about doing that. All of Prigozhin’s inconvenient truth telling about the poor state of the war was to make Shoigu look bad. It’s hard to imagine Putin taking umbrage at that. The guy rides horses shirtless, he can’t have that thin of a skin.

The army guys down in Rostov understood. Hell, they gave directions to Moscow and wished Prigozhin luck. They got it Prigozhin wasn’t taking over. He was just off to go do what every Mobik dreams of in his off time, which is offing the A-hole who sent them to this god awful war. Prigozhin could have tried to take command of the army, but didn’t. Why should he? He just needed someone to take over who wasn’t lying every step of the way and could face military reality. It wasn’t Prigozhin's job to appoint whoever was going to fill the vacancy. It was just Prigozhin’s job to create the vacancy.

But once people got all hot and bothered enough to start ripping up the roads it finally started to occur to Prigozhin that he was being misunderstood. Luki had been calling all day so Priggy finally decided that maybe Luki could talk sense into Putin and just hand Shoigu’s decapitated head to him outside of Moscow. Priggy had been trying to save everyone else the bother by doing it himself, and it would have been more fun to do it himself, but maybe Luki could have been right to think about it all first.

Luki finally explained that Puti was getting really upset Priggy was trying to show Shoigu the balcony without permission. But what good is it being a genocidal commander of a mercenary company if you can’t kill Ministers of Defence without permission? Priggy could do that anytime he wanted in Africa. But sure, if Puti was going to get all hot and bothered by entering Moscow with a few thousand mercenaries and kill the Minister of Defense after forcefully entering the Kremlin, then Priggy could be the bigger man and hold off a few weeks and do it the wuss way when no one was looking. You all are just blowing this all out of perspective.

And perhaps the most bizarre aspect of this is this is not meant as snark.

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[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/6/25/2177586/-Ukraine-I-m-thinking-Prigozhin-didn-t-understand-his-actions-would-be-interpreted-as-a-coup-Oops

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