(C) Daily Kos
This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered.
. . . . . . . . . .
Abusive Personalities: The “Cyclical” Male Abuser as a Case Study [1]
['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.']
Date: 2023-06-24
Abusers engage in abusive behavior to gain what they want and exert control and power over others. People who exhibit such behaviors can be in romantic, familial, and professional relationships. In intimate relationships, both men and women can be perpetrators of abuse. It is more common for men to abuse their wives or partners, but instances of women mistreating their husbands or partners occur, although they are less frequent. Abuse can also transpire within same-sex relationships. Transgender people encounter alarmingly elevated levels of violence in the United States and globally, with a disproportionate frequency found within romantic partnerships. Abuse can take on different forms within the family dynamic as well. For example, a daughter may threaten her mother with physical force, withhold essential resources such as food and help, or even use self-harm or suicide to manipulate her to gain control over family assets or finances. She may lie and attempt to pit family members against each other to achieve her objectives. A son may become abusive if he believes his gender entitles him to control family decisions. Children, unfortunately, experience abuse from their parents, as well as from certain relatives. It is common to come across bosses who are corrupt or power-freaks and mistreat their employees. In this article, however, we will delve into the intricate dynamics of an abusive man and his relationship with his wife or partner. Our primary focus will be on the “cyclical abuser,” a term introduced by Donald Dutton, a renowned American researcher specializing in violent men within relationships. While American psychologists identified other types of abusers, including the controller, the approval-seeker, tyrants, non-exposed altruists, narcissists, and sociopaths, they are not the focus of this article. Dutton concentrated on the “cyclical abusers” because he felt they “were the most dangerous and the least understood.” As he wrote:
“Their harmfulness stemmed from the serial and private nature of their violence. It was repetitive and transcended women and relationships. These men were abusive regardless of who their partner was or what she did. Moreover, they appeared to have two personalities, one at home with their partners and another in public- and even in private they seemed to undergo changes, alternately acting abusive and contrite.”
They had avoided scrutiny by hiding their violence.
Individuals who exhibit cyclical abusive behavior often share similarities with persons experiencing borderline personality disorder. They commonly exhibit traits such as turbulent and unstable interpersonal relationships alongside intense emotions of anger and jealousy directed towards their female partners.
The men’s extreme jealousy seemed to result from a fear of abandonment. This pathological jealousy frequently leads them to form baseless conclusions about fictitious extramarital affairs.
They frequently resort to blaming women for adverse events in the relationship. They struggle to articulate their emotions and strive for complete control over intimacy. Furthermore, they display traits of anxiety, demanding behavior, and impulsiveness and possess a vulnerable and delicate sense of self. Their pattern of cyclical violence closely resembles the one identified by Walker in her 1979 studies on abused women. What she coined as the “cycle of violence” involves tension building, the eruption of acute assault, and remorse and loving contrition.
Their dread of being abandoned is so profound that they engage in frenzied and disorganized endeavors to elude it. They fervently yearn to keep the woman in their lives, but strictly on their own conditions.
In their quest, they stoop to the most outrageous actions, either humbling themselves at their wives' feet or resorting to aggression. The thought of being alone and the looming threat of abandonment fill them with sheer terror.
They rely on these women to serve as the emotional adhesive that holds their lives together, granting them a sense of tranquility. While their dependence on these women is vital for their very existence, it is a truth they will never acknowledge.
They subject their wives or partners to relentless surveillance and incessantly interrogate them about their whereabouts. Gradually, they turn into “stalkers” and become potentially dangerous individuals. According to a 1992 study by M. Crawford and R. Gartner, 45 percent of femicides were committed by men consumed by rage due to their partner’s existing or anticipated separation. Uttering statements like “She can’t leave me” or “If I can’t have her, nobody will,” reveal their possessive and threatening mindset.
Although murders are infrequent, they can still occur, as can tragic murder-suicides. A common occurrence in murder-suicide cases comprises a lengthy relationship characterized by recurring conflicts and abuse, interspersed with periods of separation prompted by abusive behavior, followed by a reunion. The perpetrator is typically plagued by depression and has a past marked by drug addiction.
Morbid jealousy lies at the heart of his character, driving his actions. The apparent and definitive end of the relationship exacerbates his depression, serving as a catalyst for the violent outburst.
Pregnancy can also act as a trigger for violence, as the husband may perceive a shift in his wife’s attention and affection towards the newborn child. The most dangerous times for a woman are when she undergoes separation, seeks refuge, or becomes pregnant.
Cyclical abusers are not continuously violent but periodically so. Their partners frequently describe the stark transformation from a kind Dr. Jekyll personality to a menacing Mr. Hyde persona. The cyclical abuser often conceals the tension and buildup leading up to the shift in behavior from the public eye. It is rare for their friends and co-workers to notice the warning signs.
[END]
---
[1] Url:
https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/6/24/2177253/-Abusive-Personalities-The-Cyclical-Male-Abuser-as-a-Case-Study
Published and (C) by Daily Kos
Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified.
via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds:
gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/
