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WriteOn: Finding the 'Why' (and the joy) [1]
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Date: 2023-06-22
Hi all, welcome to another edition of Write On!, the weekly series where we gather to discuss writing (in all its forms).
A friend of mine wrote last year about being unable to find his “why”. The funny thing is, at the time, I had no question of where my ‘why’ was. And, like he did, I’m going to warn you in advance you might want to skip this. There’s some reminiscing and some self-pity and some whining here.
Since then, I’ve been through a lot, which left me wondering about writing at all, much less finishing the stuff I wanted to do. My father was part of the reason I wanted to write the books about sailing in the sky, and my mother’s memory was part of the reason I wanted to write the housewife superspy thing. In both cases, I have a series of first drafts (and my only real second draft). But as I sat by my father’s bedside last summer, and read the fantasy sky sailing book to him, he got agitated. (To be fair, he was dying, and maybe it was just having the voice there, or maybe he wanted to react, or maybe he was just in pain. Hospice morphine masks a great deal.) It’s as close as I will ever get to him reading anything of mine, unfortunately.
I was astonished to find that my friend’s musings were more than a year old. It felt really recent to me, and maybe that was because I lost my why somewhere along the way.
It wasn’t that terribly long ago that I wrote about Happy Writing. (Oh, wait, that was FIVE years ago? Maybe it was a long time ago.)
More musing below the fold.
The last time my spouse came across me writing, it prompted the question “Why do you look so angry?” Apparently, I was not happy while concentrating, or maybe my default face is just full of GRRRR. But I wasn’t having much fun, so maybe it made sense. (The opposite of the reaction of my coworker, which prompted the “Happy Writing” diary.)
I had a revelation, of sorts, when I thought back to my (decades long gone) youth. Oh, those glorious days of school and no responsibilities!
In high school, I wrote a book. It’s bad. I mean, like, really bad. But I did it. I also wrote a computer game, a knock off of the old Ultima games (specifically, it was very Ultima III). I continued working on it through my first attempt at college, and eventually shared it with some friends. They seemed to enjoy playing it, and I was looking at releasing it.
That was when it stopped being fun. Now I had to worry about pricing, manuals, support, and if I went shareware, incentives to encourage people to pay up. Suddenly a fun little hobby was nothing but responsibilities, and I’d started the darn thing as nothing more than amusing myself.
As I stare at the manuscripts in front of me, I realize that a big chunk of my frustration is figuring out release. Covers? Editing? Wide or KDP? Serialized or as a novel? Do I even want to? Can I handle everyone hating it?
I don’t actually know. I didn’t start out writing for anyone other than me, it’s time and events which have burdened it with greater purpose. Maybe what I need to do is go back to “Ah, it’s just a hobby.”
(I am reminded of someone on one of the Writing Excuses podcasts observing that writing is a rare hobby where everyone asks if you’re going professional. They don’t ask the same thing of people who get together for neighborhood basketball games. I used to know this, and even reminded others of it.)
On reflection, I’ve always needed a creative outlet, but the actual outlet has varied over time. Writing, then writing a game, then writing adventures and building worlds and rules and adding things to games I played, then writing again, some dabbling in music and drawing, back to writing… Maybe I just need to have a space to build stuff.
But I definitely need to find my “why” again.
Because without my “why”, I’m not sure I can answer my “whether”, or if I’m simply going to be permanently stuck in the muck of this wretched draft.
Cheers, and may your writing be happier than mine!
Writing Exercise: I’ve enjoyed following the #WritingWonders hashtag on Mastodon, because many people answer questions about their WIPs and characters. The prompts are interesting, I think. Today’s prompt: “What sort of transportation or vehicles does your MC use?” (MC=main character). What is your answer to this question? Does it shape the story significantly, or is it just part of the background?
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