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Kitchen Table Kibitzing 6/20/2023: We Can't Have Archaic and Eat It Too [1]
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Date: 2023-06-20
Koloman Moser: Marigolds (1909)
Good evening, Kibitzers!
I was talking with my nephew the other day; he’s been working at a supermarket while going to school, and he was complaining about the difficulty customers have executing the “pay with credit card” move, both tapping and inserting. We spoke briefly about the crappiness of the magnetic strip that preceded the chip cards, and then I said, “And the slidey machine with the three-part carbon form — forgettaboutit!”
Technically, my nephew is a grown-ass man, but he said, “WHAT, NOW??” He had never seen such a thing. I had to explain what it was, and point out that was why credit cards had embossed characters on them. It was one of those moments like when you see, in the window of an antique shop, some item that was in common use just, like, five minutes ago, including by you.
This led me to consider songs whose lyrics feature other things that might need to be explained to a college-age person today.
Glen Campbell’s By the Time I Get to Phoenix was the first one that popped into my head. Why doesn’t he answer his phone, and how is it on the wall?? [2:42]
The Beatles’ No Reply: “I tried to telephone; they said you were not home...” Did she go out and forget her phone? Why is someone else answering it? [2:31]
Fans of Moonstruck will recognize “that damn Vicki Carr record”, It Must Be Him. How does she not know if it’s him? Doesn’t she have him in her contacts? [3:08]
Jim Croce, Operator: “Operator, could you help me place this call? You see, the number on the matchbook is old and faded.” Okay, wait. First off, what’s a “matchbook”, and why does he store his phone numbers on it? Does he mean MacBook? And if he doesn’t know the number, how is this “operator” going to help?? [3:27]
The Kinks, Party Line: I don’t understand. Is this a number to find out about parties? If he wants to know who’s on it, why doesn’t he just go to the party? [2:35]
Blondie, Hanging on the Telephone: Phone booth??? [2:18]
Jerry Butler, Western Union Man: Is a “telegram” like a text or something? Why is he asking somebody else to send it? It’s good that he’s hiring union labor, but this sounds like something he shouldn’t be outsourcing! [3:31]
The Marvelettes, Please Mr. Postman: So, she communicates with her boyfriend by sending mail? Like, hard copies? Wouldn’t email be faster? [2:34]
Leroy Anderson, The Typewriter: It’s a happy little song, I guess, but what is that percussion? And that stupid bell? [1:36]
Chuck Berry, Roll Over, Beethoven: Okay, so he wants to request a song so he’s writing a letter?? Again with the letters? He should just tweet at the guy! [4:29]
Paul Simon, Kodachrome: What even is that? Is it, like, a color model for monitors, like RGB? He should probably just use the default settings. [3:14]
The Police, When the World Is Running Down: What’s a VCR? [4:23]
Billy Joel, Sleeping with the Television On: Hold on, was that the end of the national anthem? What does that have to do with anything?? And why does her TV make white noise? [3:05]
[I have to admit, the rhyme “just-for-the-night boys” and “wake up with the white noise” is among my favorite song lyrics.]
I bet you all will think of more in the thread. I thought about the Pina Colada song, because of the newspaper personal ads, but then you’d potentially have to hear the Pina Colada song (plus I’d have to hear it), and I just couldn’t.
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