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Cheers and Jeers: Thursday [1]
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Date: 2023-06-15
Will No One Think of the Manly Men?
The Daily Show reminds us of the pain and suffering that continues among the world’s most oppressed and ignored minority: the whiny-ass MAGA millionaires…
x Find it in your hearts to help these conservatives grieving over Trump's indictment #TDSThrowback pic.twitter.com/JNqLaZTFS8 — The Daily Show (@TheDailyShow) June 12, 2023
May they find comfort in our thoughts and prayers.
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, June 15, 2023
Note: Ladies and gentleman, the captain has turned on the Okay, I’m Done Fucking Around Here sign. Please fasten your seat belts and grab your armrests until your knuckles turn white, as this is the first time it’s ever been used on a commercial flight and we’re not exactly sure what happens now. Thank you. —Your Flight Crew
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By the Numbers:
6 days!!!
Days 'til Juneteenth: 4
Days 'til Quahog Day on Cape Cod: 6
Increase in the Consumer Price Index for May, down from 0.4% in April: 0.1%
Current overall inflation rate for the 12 months ending in May: 4%
Approval of Germany in general among 137 nations, according to Gallup polling: 46%
Approval of the U.S., China, and Russia: 41%, 28%, 21%
Length of summer on Uranus: 21 years
And... Years, as of today, since my partner Michael smoked his last cigarette: 15
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
We believe these truths to be self-evident, that all men (and women) are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. ... That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or abolish it ..." After 200 years, that statement is still so revolutionary people all over the world are willing to die for it. They died in South Africa, they died at Tiananmen Square, and they're dying today in Myanmar. A lot of Americans have died to preserve those ideas: Don't throw them away out of boredom or cynicism or inanition. "There's nothing I can do about it." If the last election didn't teach you that every vote counts, you may want to consider assisted living. Of course, you don't have as much say in this country as the people who give big money to the politicians—but that can be fixed. As an American living today, your one vote means you have more political power than 99 percent of all the people who ever lived on this planet. Think about it: Who ever had this much power? A peasant in ancient Egypt? A Roman slave? A medieval shoemaker? A French farmer? Your grandfather? Why throw power away? Use it. Leverage it. —November 2004
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Clumsy, clumsy…
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CHEERS to making poor Joe Manchin cry. Poor widdle senator and coal humper from West Virginia isn’t going to want to hear this, but his planet-killing energy source of choice is getting the carbon knocked out of it this year…
…marking the first time [wind and solar] have outpaced the former king of American power over a five-month period. Going gangbusters. The milestone illustrates the ongoing transformation of the U.S. power sector as the nation races to install cleaner forms of energy to reduce greenhouse gas emissions from fossil fuels. Power markets have witnessed a precipitous drop in coal-fired generation this year, driven by low natural gas prices, a mild winter and a wave of coal plant retirements. “From a coal perspective, it has been a disaster,” said Andy Blumenfeld, an analyst who tracks the industry at McCloskey by OPIS. “The decline is happening faster than anyone anticipated.” […] Wind and solar sources generated a combined 252 terawatt-hours through the first five months of 2023, compared with coal output of 249 TWh, EIA data shows.
If you wish to send a condolence card to Senator Manchin for the pain and humiliation he's currently experiencing, please post it to the following address: c/o Your Trashcan.
CHEERS to basking in the afterglow. For those of you just waking up from a pre-Tuesday bender, let me get you up to speed: the 45th president of the United States was indicted in a Miami courtroom on 37 felony counts of being a terrible, horrible, no-good, lying, classified document-stealing biological unit, and he faces a potential five centuries behind bars. I know what you're thinking: Hey Billeh! Are there perhaps some takeaways that were helpfully provided by the media? Why yes, yes there are…
All very fine and useful. But the only “take away” I'll be looking for is the one that also includes the words “him” and "to prison."
CHEERS to Things That Bounce for $400, please. On June 15, 1844, Charles Goodyear got a patent for better rubber, which would prove wildly successful in the production of tires. When asked last week if the company could patent a similar substance that would give Marjorie Taylor-Greene something even slightly resembling an I.Q. bounce, a company spokesman said, "Hey, we're chemists, not miracle workers."
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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x 200+ South African firefighters landed in Edmonton, Canada to assist in the fight against the raging wildfire. 🇿🇦🇨🇦pic.twitter.com/flXKqlvYxG — Made In Canada (@MadelnCanada) June 8, 2023
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to the Natural State (which we assume means everyone runs around naked there). On this date in 1836, Arkansas became our 25th state. Current population: 3 million. Birthplace of President William Jefferson Clinton. State mammal: white tailed deer. State fruit and blossom: South Arkansas vine ripe pink tomato. State instrument: the fiddle. And, of course, the official state asshole: Senator Tom Cotton.
JEERS to feeling a little green. The commissioner of the PGA Tour, who fought the Saudi royal family's takeover of the organization right up until the moment he didn't, has taken a leave of absence due to a “medical situation” that sprang up almost immediately after the deal was sealed. I'm told he just needs a little time away to clear his head. Once he finds out where the Saudis are hiding it.
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Ten years ago in C&J: June 15, 2013
CHEERS to accident prevention. Y'know, we hear about so many conservative victories in their Bible-based war on women's reproductive rights that it gets truly depressing. But once in awhile the forces of science and common-sense win a big one, and that's what happened this month when the green light was given to make emergency contraception available without a prescription or age limit. That will mean, among other things…fewer abortions! And that makes the conservatives sad and angry. I will never understand these people. Never.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to staying in touch. Needless to say, following the Biden administration on Twitter is a helluva lot more informative, honest, and optimistic than the gaggle of gaslighters who sold their souls to the previous guy. A couple years ago I posted a list of some of the accounts attached to Team Joe that I go to on a regular basis when I need a sanity break from the wrecking-ball “leadership” of Republicans at the state and federal level. If you missed it the first go-round, here’s an encore:
A lotta brain power right there, and worth pointing out that turnover in this administration is astonishingly low, and corruption is non-existent. It’s a reminder that, unlike the previous guy, Joe really does only hire the best people.
Have a nice Thursday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial Lego Sets for Adults Just Went on Sale at Amazon Ahead of Father’s Day—Including the Popular Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool —People
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[END]
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