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Cheers and Jeers: Monday [1]

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Date: 2023-06-12

Public/Private Partnerships

The candidates' opinions of the 37-count indictment are…complicated:

Ron DeSantis in Public: "The weaponization of federal law enforcement represents a mortal threat to a free society!"

Ron DeSantis in Private: "I got three fingers here looking for a bowl of celebration pudding!" Mike Pence in Public: "I'm deeply troubled to see this indictment move forward."

Mike Pence in Private: "I'm giddy as a schoolgirl that Mother gave me permission to be in the presence of." Chris Christie in Public: "As I have said before, no one is above the law, no matter how much they wish they were."

Chris Christie in Private: "Gee, I hope everyone's forgotten about the way I shut down the George Washington Bridge as an act of political retribution against my enemies in Fort Lee and got away with it because I put myself above the law."

Continued...

Asa Hutchinson in Public: "This is a sad day for our country."

Asa Hutchinson in Private: "Happy dance! Happy dance!" Tim Scott in Public: "Today what we see is a justice system where the scales are weighted."

Tim Scott in Private: "Astonishingly, my public statement isn’t referring to the scales being weighted against Black people, but rather against this racist billionaire, just to get white Republicans to pretend to like me." Nikki Haley in Public: "The American people are exhausted by the prosecutorial overreach, double standards, and vendetta politics, and it's time to move beyond drama and distractions."

Nikki Haley in Private: [Sigh] "I still don't stand a chance in hell." Marianne Williamson in Public: This indictment makes my aura gray.

Marianne Williamson in Private: This indictment makes my aura YELLOW!!! Vivek Ramaswamy in Public: "I commit to pardon Trump promptly on January 20, 2025 and to restore the rule of law in our country."

Vivek Ramaswamy in Private: "Lock him up! Lock him up!" Robert F. Kennedy Jr. in Public: "This indictment causes autism!"

Robert F. Kennedy Jr. in Private: "This indictment causes autism!"

Such courage. And now, our feature presentation…

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Cheers and Jeers for Monday, June 12, 2023

Note: One indictment, two indictments, three indictments, JAIL DOOR! Ha ha ha!!! I just thought that up on the spot. Amazing.

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By the Numbers:

5 days!!!

Days 'til Juneteenth: 7

Days 'til the Pinconning Cheesetown Festival in Michigan: 5

Vote in Maine's Senate Judiciary Committee to approve Democratic Gov. Janet Mills’ bill to expand access to abortion services: 7-3

Number of publicly-listed companies on U.S. stock exchanges in 1996: 8,000

Number of publicly-listed companies on U.S. stock exchanges today as companies try to conceal stuff from the public by staying private: 3,700

Years Boris Johnson was a member of Parliament before he quit Friday: 22

Year Bryan Cranston says he's retiring from acting: 2026

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Puppy Pic of the Day: Small distraction…

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JEERS to the embarrassment heard 'round the world. A federal indictment (to be made formal in court tomorrow) against the previous president of the United States for anything is bad enough. But a 37-count indictment that includes charges of violating the Espionage Act makes me, as an American citizen, want to throw a bag over my head and find a hole to climb into. Good lord. Mark Sumner has the best summary ("Sumnery?") I've read about this disgusting episode in American history, and the only question I currently have is, why is Donald Trump not pacing a federal prison cell right now?

Many of the documents involved appear to be presidential daily briefs that included classified information concerning multiple nations. The mystery of Schrodinger’s box of documents...solved! Many of the documents are so classified that the names are redacted, but one of those not redacted shows that it included classified details about the nuclear arsenal of the United States. […] The indictment details how Trump allowed classified documents to be stored in open containers, how boxes of classified document tipped over and spilled out onto the floor at Mar-a-Lago, and how workers moved the material from place to place with absolutely no concern for security. That include shaving boxes of classified information sitting in a ballroom where hundreds, if not thousands, of people were free to view them during events. […] To call this indictment “damning” is underselling it.

So. Here we are. And my GPS tells me that, other than the Trump-humping judge, the endless delays, the avalanche of misinformed pundit “hot takes,” the threats of violence by the MAGA terrorist cells that should’ve been thrown in Gitmo two years ago, the Lindsey Graham tantrums, the still-missing classified documents showing up on eBay, the fixation on the feelings of swing voters in diners, the concern trolling of The New York Times, and the return of El Nino, the road ahead will be smooth sailing all the way to the inevitable conclusion that Time Travel Billy could reveal but he doesn’t want to spoil it. Needless to say it’ll be exciting as hell right up until the moment it becomes boring as shit.

CHEERS to saying no to evil. Gee, I wonder if the makeover of Florida in MAGA's own image—oh, let's just call it fascism—is catching the attention of sane people who don’t live there. According to this from the Orlando Sentinel, the answer is yes:

AnitaB.org, an organization of female and nonbinary tech workers, is moving its annual convention out of Orlando and taking its business elsewhere, citing Florida’s political climate and actions taken by Gov. Ron DeSantis and the Legislature. And another group of nurses is canceling a 2027 event because of similar concerns, according to the Orange County Convention Center. The cancellations are the latest economic blow to the region, coming in the wake of Walt Disney Co.’s decision to drop plans for a nearly $1 billion corporate campus in Orlando with 2,000 high-paying jobs. […] AnitaB.org’s annual Grace Hopper Celebration draws about 16,000 visitors and is billed as the world’s largest gathering of women in computing, according to organizers. […]

And I'll tell you this right now: I'm canceling plans to build a $1 billion kiddie pool in Sarasota or anywhere else in that currently god-forsaken swamp. Too bad. It was gonna have cup holders.

JEERS to lies and the lying liars who tell them. Do you remember this bit of nonsense as well as I do?

Republicans will lie about ANYTHING.

Shortly after George W. Bush's installation as president by the Supreme Court in 2001, White House staffers accused Bill Clinton's people of tearing the White House apart before they left—even going so far as to remove the "W" keys from all the computers. Remember that? That was our first concrete clue that conservatives without conscience (to use John Dean's famous phrase) were running the show. Well, it was 21 years ago this week that Congressional investigators released a report on the "scandal." Their conclusion basically said, "Don’t you have anything better to do than waste our time?" Tragically, they did: hire incompetent cronies, invade Iraq, ram No Child Left Behind through, give no-bid contracts to Halliburton and free passes to polluters, run up record deficits, let a major city drown, authorize torture...and so on and so forth.

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BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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x The “Worlds most dangerous instrument” aka the Glass Harmonica made by Benjamin Franklin 1761 pic.twitter.com/4u2Y0TSeAh — Interesting As Fuck (@InterestingsAsF) June 6, 2023

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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK

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CHEERS to a good start. 247 years ago this week, in 1776, the Continental Congress formed a committee in Philadelphia to draft a Declaration of Independence. Here are three of those members—Adams, Franklin and Jefferson—hashing out the particulars in the HBO miniseries John Adams:

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The Declaration itself was nice, but what really floors me is: a committee actually did something useful.

JEERS to Marion Gordon "Pat" Robertson. Not because he was a right-wing extremist who gained enormous power by bamboozling his ignorant followers into parting with their hard-earned money to fund his and his family's lavish lifestyle. Not because he twisted the words of The Bible to suit his political aims. Not because he preached hate in direct opposition to the way Jesus preached love. Not because he promoted fake "divine healing" to his viewers through the TV for everything from cancer to paralysis. Not because he joined the crowd who blamed 9/11 on the feminists and the gays. Not because none of his apocalyptic predictions ever came true. No, I jeer him today because, darn it, I have this dumb rule that says I have to say something nice about the recently departed. So here goes: he was married for 68 years. Ah…the banality of evil.

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Ten years ago in C&J: June 12, 2013

CHEERS to finding a fresh pulse. Remember a couple years back when Republicans fucked the economy up so bad that Standard & Poor's spanked our bottoms and then sent us all to bed without supper? We had never been downgraded in our history, and yet the GOP's Obama Derangement Syndrome made it happen. It was humiliating. China kicked sand in our face and other planets laughed at us. Well say hello to my leedle extended middle fingers, universe, because the USA is BACK (sorta):

S&P raised its outlook on the country’s long-term credit rating to stable from negative, and said the U.S. has less than a one-in-three chance of another downgrade in the near term. … S&P on Monday also reaffirmed its AA+ long-term sovereign credit rating on the U.S.

In the C&J cafeteria today: Happy Meals with irrational exuberance pie.

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And just one more…

CHEERS to a Loving legacy. When Mildred Loving died 15 years ago at 68, she left behind a milestone that reached its dramatic height 56 years ago. On June 12, 1967, the Supreme Court ruled in a case called Loving v. Virginia, striking down state miscegenation laws (Virginia's had been on the parchment since the mid-1600s). Since this is Pride Month, it's worth revisiting the statement Loving issued on the 40th anniversary of the announcement of its ruling in her case. When she fought for equal marriage rights, she meant for everyone:

The older generation’s fears and prejudices have given way, and today’s young people realize that if someone loves someone they have a right to marry. Mildred and Richard Loving Surrounded as I am now by wonderful children and grandchildren, not a day goes by that I don’t think of Richard and our love, our right to marry, and how much it meant to me to have that freedom to marry the person precious to me, even if others thought he was the "wrong kind of person" for me to marry. I believe all Americans, no matter their race, no matter their sex, no matter their sexual orientation, should have that same freedom to marry. Government has no business imposing some people’s religious beliefs over others. Especially if it denies people’s civil rights. I am still not a political person, but I am proud that Richard’s and my name is on a court case that can help reinforce the love, the commitment, the fairness, and the family that so many people, black or white, young or old, gay or straight seek in life. I support the freedom to marry for all. That’s what Loving, and loving, are all about.

Love it.

Have a tolerable Monday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?

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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial Bill in Portland Maine discovers roughly 1 million copper pennies while cleaning out Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool —USA Today

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[END]
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