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Kitchen Table Kibitzing May 21, 2023 [1]

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Date: 2023-05-21

KTK

Openings

There have been many evil people in history, and I don’t wish to diminish even slightly their evilness, but one person stands out for me, the perpetrator of the Chicago Tylenol Murders. Why that focus? In the intervening 36 years the number of hours and the amount of frustration in opening bottles and packages of medicine is almost beyond calculation. The precautions of course are necessary, but where does it end? Now we have child-proof containers that sometimes defy the best attempts of an intelligent and competent adult to open.

And it goes on. Now many products are enclosed in plastic, a problem in itself, and those enclosures often nearly impossible to open without injury to oneself or others. How often have you thrown a still-sealed package against a wall in frustration after many failed attempts to open it, endangering yourself and others in the vicinity? Often, I suspect. The worst of these packages are called “clamshells” or “blister packs”. Special tools have been designed to open them.

Have you ever bought a burger and gathered the requisite number of tiny packages of mustard and catsup? There’s no opening slit, but by the use of a fork tine or your teeth on the serrated edge it is possible to open one. This messy operation coats one’s fingers with the desired condiment, making subsequent packages impossible to open.

Unless you fly first class, you will be served a drink and a tiny package of pretzels and other odd things (but no peanuts). This package will not open no matter what. If you ask the attendant for a knife, he or she will alert the pilot and the flight will be diverted. My advice: put it in your pocket till you get home and can access a scissors.

I have noticed that robots have taken over the job of sealing jar lids from the former giant Swedes who used to do this. Thus most jars are now impossible to open. Shovels, rakes, and implements of destruction are often called for. My best strategy is to hammer a screwdriver through the cap (having sterilized it beforehand), thus allowing it to be opened, once the vacuum seal is broken. Have sterile bandages handy, just in case. The jar will now leak, of course, but it’s a small price to pay because…….you got the damn thing open, didn’t you?

Although I’m trying to treat this with humor, The Consumer Product Safety Commission estimated that attempts to open packaging caused about 6,500 emergency department visits in the U.S. in 2004.

One more rant. Well, two. You get your purchase from Amazon or your retailer, finally get it open, and it’s not what you want. Just send it back? There’s no way to get it to fit back in the original box. Obviously packed by a computer with the power of Deep Blue or better. Or, once you finally get the cap off of your purchase, there will be the further obstruction of some sort of membrane that must be removed as well. This will come off in pieces, some of which will fall into the product, never to be seen again, until you serve the product to some distinguished guest.

Things are actually going pretty well; I just thought I would collect mini problems into a major rant, So take this opportunity to add your frustrations to those I’ve listed. I’m certain I’m not the only one that has them. And while you’re at it……..Get off my lawn.

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[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/5/21/2170588/-Kitchen-Table-Kibitzing-May-21-2023

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