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Memories I Can't Share [1]

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Date: 2023-05-09

I can't do any of that with my kid. It's not that arcades are far less popular (although they are). Bowling alleys and Dave & Buster's are both close enough. The games are more expensive now, sure, and it's all dubious "credits" on a card instead of quarters, but that isn't the problem. I don't feel safe leaving my son anywhere by himself for any extended period of time.

I used to look forward to being dropped off, seeing the car drive away, and then feeling "freedom", if only for a few hours. I can't do that. I cannot drop him off at Main Event (a bowling alley/event place) with a card loaded with credits and say, "I'll be back in an hour or so." I cannot drop him off pretty much anywhere, unless I know there are other responsible adults there supervising and keeping an eye on them.

I cannot let him experience what I experienced. And why?

Assholes. That's why. People that feel entitled to let out their frustrations with violence, be it guns, screaming, physical altercations, etc. with no regard for anyone around them.

I'm clearly writing this because of what happened at the Allen Outlet Mall. That place is maybe 7-8 miles away. I've been there multiple times, both on my own and with the wife and son. My wife goes more often that I do. It's a nice place. Many of the stores there are upscale or otherwise fancier than a typical strip mall. Sure, there's a Gap Outlet and a few other "those are everywhere" things, but there's also a Coach store, that place that sells really expensive kitchen stuff (Cru something?), and so on. It's a mix, but the whole place screams "wholesome".

Then this shit happened. Some loser loses his shit and decides to unload (literally) on unsuspecting people for no particular reason, beyond being a nut case with issues. Given the details we know, he was on a diet of far right wing bullshit, and consumed every bit of it until he hated everyone and they were the problem. Fuck him, and fuck the media that feeds that.

At the same time, because of all this crap that has happened, I cannot share the same joys I had growing up and let my son experience them. Nowhere is safe. Everywhere is a potential gun death. Ring a doorbell as a six year old looking for a lost cat? Get shot at. And the home owner says, "It's 2023. No one rings doorbells." Fuck you and your paranoia. But really, just fuck you.

The solution is obvious. Ban assault rifles and severely tax the shit out of guns in general. That is a pipe dream. It won't happen (without violence, because it's gone too far). But what is a parent to do now? A parent that isn't some paranoid proto-fascist bullshit consumer with an agenda?

My kid asked me if I had to go through "shooting drills" when I was in school. He's in fourth grade. What the ever-living hell do I say besides, "No, we didn't do that." I want to explain that this is something that curiously popped up after 2004, when the assault weapon ban expired. What a weird coincidence. He wasn't alive in 2004. I wasn't married in 2004.

I get that things change. I didn't have a cellphone until the early 2000s. The computer I learned how to program on had a massive 64KB of memory. Cordless phones in the house were amazing! I think I bent an antenna or two on accident because I was a kid.

Now, we have to live in a society where we raise kids on fear and distrust. Media consumption and basic entertainment and information are essentially a click away, even in your pocket. And why? Because someone needs an extra few bucks. Someone is profiting. Someone with more belongings than they will ever need needs more. And that means selling guns, selling fear, selling paranoia, selling xenophobia, selling transphobia, selling racism, selling anything but whatever you want to get what you need.

I'm not a crazy that thinks Fortnite will turn my kid into some psychotic killer. I don't think letting him play multiplayer games where other kids are swearing will somehow irreversibly harm him. I'm the parent (well, one of them), not the stuff he does. By fourth grade, you already know all the swear words anyway; you just know not to say them. Yet.

But for how much I want to give him the experiences I had growing up, be it being dropped off at the mall (or anywhere really) and allowed that freedom, being taught right from wrong not by extremes but examples, and so on, I can't.

I cannot share those memories with my son. He cannot experience them for himself. He will have memories of being scared, being all but tethered to an adult until he is old enough, being leery of others. And that sucks.

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