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Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday [1]
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Date: 2023-05-09
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, May 9, 2023
Note: Lint screens will fly at half staff today for National Lost Sock Memorial Day. They left us too early, darn them.
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By the Numbers:
9 days!!!
Days 'til Mother's Day: 5
Days 'til the National Morel Mushroom Festival in Boyne City, Michigan: 9
Number of U.S. shootings so far in 2023 that have each killed at least four people: 199
Prison term the DOJ is requesting for Stewart Rhodes, the head of the Oath Keepers terrorist cell: 25 years
Joe Biden's approval rate in the latest ABC News/Washington Post poll, an all-time low: 36%
Percent of Americans in the same poll who see Biden and Trump, respectively, as honest and trustworthy: 41%, 33%
Percent of the first 150,000 users who subscribed when "Twitter Blue" launched in November that are no longer subscribing: 55%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: A-tisket a-tasket….
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CHEERS to real Americans. With all the wild-eyed fascism going on in the red states, it's sometimes easy to overlook the actual democracy going on in the blue ones. So let's give a warm round of applause and a hot bowl of cream of chicken and rice soup to the fine lawmakers in Minnesota for making the sacred right to vote as easy and painless as possible. Via Marc Elias's Democracy Docket:
On Friday, May 5, Minnesota Gov. Tim Walz (D) signed House File 3, the “Democracy for the People Act,” into law. Among multiple provisions, H.F. 3 will: Now even easier to do in Minnesota. Allow 16- and 17-year-olds to pre-register to vote;
Establish automatic voter registration at many state agencies;
Permit voters to opt in to a permanent absentee voter list where voters will automatically be sent a mail-in ballot every election;
Create a “Democracy Dollars” coupon system for public campaign financing;
Strengthen penalties for voter intimidation and deception The introduced version of the bill also included a provision to restore voting rights to people on felony probation or parole, but the Minnesota Legislature accelerated a separate bill to tackle the issue earlier this spring, restoring voting rights to over 50,000 Minnesotans.
It should be noted that all of the above applies to Republicans and Democrats equally. Because our scales don’t need thumbs.
JEERS to dealing with anarchists. Today President Biden—smart, humble, no-drama—will sit down with House Speaker Kevin McCarthy—dumb, egotistical, apocalyptic—to get each other's views over raising the debt ceiling. The Republican, speaking on behalf of the billionaire class, will say that seniors, children, veterans, minorities, the sick, and the poor must endure severe cuts to government services they rely on to stave off poverty and death. President Biden, speaking on behalf of the working class, will say…
"No."
As he's leaving, McCarthy will empty the contents of the Oval Office hard-candy dish into his pocket, stick his thumbs in his ears and wriggle his fingers while going "Nyah Nyah!" and then hold a press conference accusing Biden of being childish. For following her instructions so well, overlord Marjorie Taylor Greene will allow McCarthy to go a day without his usual wedgie.
JEERS to the biggest loser. May 9, 2023. A date which will live in hilarity. The forces of Russia suddenly and deliberately shows up in Red Square to demonstrate their military superiority and world domination. Mighty president Vladimir Putin—all 8 feet, 9-and-a-half inches of shirtless muscular manhood—rises to address his mighty nation with glorious news of escalation in Ukraine and total victory over NATO. But there’s one slight problem...
Little more than one year ago, few people believed Ukraine's vastly outnumbered forces would manage to hold out for even a month against Russia. But now, the army of underdogs—bolstered by billions of dollars worth of military hardware from the U.S. and other partners—is gearing up for a battle that could prove pivotal in the course of the war. […] In Russia, authorities were preparing for their annual "Victory Day" celebrations on Tuesday. But this year's events, which celebrate the then-Soviet Union's vital role in helping defeat Nazi Germany, were being scaled-back, with Russian officials warning of the threat of Ukrainian attacks.
Ukraine, not wanting to appear disrespectful, will mark Putin's speech by using artillery to play a few exciting rounds of Russian Tank Turret Frisbee. Congratulations to gunner Sirhiy Zolvoskyy for setting a new distance record of 652 feet. Or whatever that is in meters.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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x Texas Republicans are trying to force public schools to display the Ten Commandments in every classroom.
I told the bill author: “This bill is not only un-constitutional and un-American, it’s deeply un-Christian.” #txlege pic.twitter.com/TI7TmGvIKM — James Talarico (@jamestalarico) May 3, 2023
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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JEERS to that nagging itch of futility. 22 years ago this week, John Paul II became the first pope to enter a mosque. He called for greater harmony between Christians and Muslims. Gee, that's going swell, don’t you think?
CHEERS to masters of the quill and the inquisitive mind. The 2023 Pulitzer Prizes were announced yesterday. You can see the whole list here, and it’s a good one. Some highlights:
National Reporting: Caroline Kitchener of The Washington Post, for “unflinching reporting that captured the complex consequences of life after Roe v. Wade, including the story of a Texas teenager who gave birth to twins after new restrictions denied her an abortion.” Local Reporting: Anna Wolfe of Mississippi Today, for “reporting that revealed how a former Mississippi governor used his office to steer millions of state welfare dollars to benefit his family and friends, including NFL quarterback Brett Favre.” If that press operator also delivers stripper-grams, I want his number. Breaking News Reporting: The staff of The Los Angeles Times, for “revealing a secretly recorded conversation among city officials that included racist comments, followed by coverage of the rapidly resulting turmoil and deeply reported pieces that delved further into the racial issues affecting local politics.” Public Service: The Associated Press (Mstyslav Chernov, Evgeniy Maloletka, Vasilisa Stepanenko, and Lori Hinnant) for their “courageous reporting from the besieged city of Mariupol that bore witness to the slaughter of civilians in Russia’s invasion of Ukraine.”
The top prize in fiction went to Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver and Trust by Hernan Diaz. They barely edged out I Won the 2020 Election, Believe Me by Donald Trump, and Harlan Crow Has No Influence On My Judicial Decisions, Believe Me by Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas. C&J got recognition, too—our restraining order was renewed for another year. Message: they care.
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Ten years ago in C&J: May 9, 2013
JEERS to the return of the legislative clown car. The House is back in session today, I bet you're excited to know. They'll keep themselves busy by naming post offices (which is weird, since they're trying to starve the USPS to death), selling stupidity to stupid people, and repealing anything that smells like safety net. On Thursday, President Obama will hop aboard Air Force One and fly to Austin, Texas:
Obama wants to ensure that his economic proposals don't get lost in the shuffle in the coming weeks as Congress goes to work on an immigration overhaul and the confirmation process for Obama's second-term Cabinet nominees. "Even though some in Congress are determined to create more self-inflicted economic wounds, there are things Washington could be doing right now to help American businesses, schools and workers," White House spokesman Josh Earnest said.
Wise move to get out of D.C. when the House is in session. If you stay in the proximity of Boehner & Co. for more than 48 hours, you can start to feel your IQ slipping.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to news from the flickers files. Two years after Denis Villeneuve slew the box office with Dune ($402 million during a pandemic and half a dozen Oscars), he’s almost ready to release the sequel. I thought the first installment was slow and ponderous, but that’s the way Frank Herbert’s original novel is, so it’s not really anyone’s fault. Besides, the technical merits alone made it hard to claim it wasn’t worth the price of admission. But the second half is where the Biff Boom Bam!!! really kicks in. The trailer for part two dropped last week, and all I can say is: bring on them worms...
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Opens in November. But fair warning: we hear it’s over three hours long and half of that is just characters emptying sand from their boots.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial "In the 58 years we’ve been running Berkshire, I would say there’s been a great increase in Bill in Portland Maine doing dumb things, and he does big dumb things." —Charlie Munger
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[END]
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