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Masticate on this - abortion edition (warning SATIRE) [1]

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Date: 2023-05-02

I'm not really here to fight, see? I just look tough....

Me and my busy brain have been mulling this one over for a verrrrrrry long time. Remember, my inspiration is Dr. Jonathan Swift’s A Modest Proposal, so if you plan on taking this suggestion seriously, please read something else. I am exaggerating and satirizing. I am encouraging staring into the abyss of modern life and considering ways it could be different. Satire bites. It does not make you laugh (see humor) it makes you groan. And think. And maybe even look for other solutions.

I teach school for my meal tickets, and have worked with kids from preschool to high school. Unfortunately, I have worked with some fairly young students who were so badly broken by their genes and/or families that at the age of 4 or 8 or 10 they were already a clear and present danger to society.

There is no genetic test a pregnant woman can take to eliminate this outcome. Then the rest of us are left to sit on our hands until that ruined small person becomes a ruined adult who rains holy hell on a bunch of innocent bystanders by running them over with a car or truck or shooting into a crowd or running a company. Decent parents can give birth to and raise sociopaths, but in many cases abuse exasperates it. Every seriously messed up adult I have ever known, myself included, was abused as a child. Most of us just stayed unhappily self-destructive instead of turning the pain outward.

Prison reform? Pah! Take those evil bastards out before they enter a bloated and unevenly applied justice system or take political office. I am a staunch advocate for a woman’s right to choose when or whether to carry a fetus to term, and an even stauncher advocate for society’s right to eliminate sociopaths from the population for the common good.

Now, hear me out…, I know a few names and faces come to mind, don’t be ashamed. This is the purpose of satire, so don’t feel too bad about liking an idea you actually never want to see implemented. I propose legalizing, nay mandating abortion not just for the well-being of the mother, but for all of society. Make abortion legal right up to the age of ten. Mom decides until the baby is born, society decides up to age ten. Personality is pretty well set by then, a panel of community reviewers can determine the state of a ten year old on or before his or her birthday or in the context of his or her actions. And there is only so much damage a child under ten can do…oh, wait. Virginia.

Most kids would never even see the panel or know of its existence. It would review cases brought by community members on an as needed basis. The neighbor boy who skinned baby bunnies alive at age 9? Abort him. The boy who brought a deadly hunting knife to school at age 6 and a gun at age 8, and who was angry at having them taken away and completely unrepentant? Abort him. The child who cut herself and others and smeared feces all over the bathroom walls? You know it. That janitor would agree. So would the doctor who gave stitches to her classmates.

Sociopaths (like the former president) are not hard to spot. If a ten-year-old checks seven out of ten boxes – move it on over, buddy. Symptoms of antisocial personality disorder include repeatedly:

Ignoring right and wrong.

Telling lies to take advantage of others.

Not being respectful of others.

Using charm or wit to manipulate others for personal gain or pleasure.

Having a sense of superiority and being extremely opinionated.

Having problems with the law, including criminal behavior.

Being hostile, aggressive, violent, or threatening to others.

Feeling no guilt about harming others.

Doing dangerous things with no regard for the safety of self or others.

Being irresponsible and failing to fulfill school, work, or financial responsibilities.

At a tender age, the former president’s own mother sent him to boarding school just to get rid of him. How much better for society as a whole if he’d been aborted then and there? E. Jean might be happily married. Melania might crack a real smile. No Eric, no Don Jr., the world would be a much nicer place.

Mull it over. Yes, details need ironed out, but why keep a child who has no empathy in a society that relies on social niceties to grease the gears and keep it functioning? Civil society does not need or want sociopaths. Sending them to Yale and then letting them serve on the Supreme Court or as governor of a state does not solve the problem.

Abortion until the age of ten. We would miss a few sneaky sociopaths but even reducing the number of purely evil politicians, CEOs and violent criminals (read lawyers) would be worth the effort.

Happy chewing.

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[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/5/2/2167133/-Masticate-on-this-abortion-edition-warning-SATIRE

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