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Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday [1]
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Date: 2023-03-28
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, March 28, 2023
Note: I'm told that just looking at the word "calm" has an automatic calming effect on your cardiovascular and stress-response system. We suggest you look at it for a minimum of thirty minutes a day and feel its healing power flow through you in a gentle cascade of serenity. Or else you'll be arrested and fed to the alligators. —C&J Dept. of Morale Management
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By the Numbers:
The only time Leonard Nimoy appeared in public as Mr. Spock was when he was grand marshal of the 1967 Pear Blossom Festival.
Days 'til Easter: 12
Days 'til the 70th annual Pear Blossom Festival in Medford, Oregon: 10
Number of Californians who were living in drought conditions a month ago: 33 million
Number of Californians who are now living in drought conditions: 4.6 million
Percent of California that is now under "severe" or "extreme" drought conditions, versus 40% in December: 0%
Increase in sales of new single-family homes in February, the first increase since last August: 1.1%
Years until GM will be selling only electric vehicles: 12
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Puppy Pic of the Day: It's okay, little pups. Marjorie Taylor-Greene has the same problem, except with doorknobs…
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CHEERS to powering up, nice and clean-like. One thing I vow never to forget about the previous president's despicable reign is how 26 states defied his fossil-fuel fantasies of a "coal comeback" and "drill everywhere now" mentality by, among other things, adhering to the standards of the Paris Climate Accord after Whatsizface unceremoniously withdrew from it. (Happily, Joe Biden renewed our membership.) Fortunately, the green energy revolution is pretty much a juggernaut by now, and yesterday a strong tailwind blew in from Brussels confirming it again:
The wind power industry on Monday projected growth to rapidly accelerate this year, with incentives and policy changes in key nations helping to overcome factors that led to a slowdown in 2022. Spin, my pretties...spin! The Global Wind Energy Council in Brussels also cited concern about climate change, as well as secure energy supplies following Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, for a fast-growth outlook in its annual Global Wind Report. The international trade association projected 680 gigawatts of new onshore and offshore wind will be installed by 2027 — enough to power about 657 million homes annually. […] This year, the industry will reach a historic milestone—1 terawatt, or 1,000 gigawatts, of wind energy installed worldwide, the council said. … “2023 will mark the start of a decisive turnaround,” Council CEO Ben Backwell wrote in the report. “Governments of all the major industrialized nations have enacted policies that will result in a significant acceleration of deployment.”
The wind revolution also has exciting implications for the health care sector. You may not have noticed, but the moment Joe Biden was sworn in, the rate of cancer from windmill noise instantly dropped to zero. I’m filling out the Nobel Prize nomination form now.
CHEERS to happy surprises. After quietly observing the disappointing not-democratic direction Israel has taken over the past several years, it's nice to see that the attempted right-wing circling-of-the-wagons to protect their dictator-wannabe Netanyahu has sparked a nationwide uprising in defense of an independent judiciary. The defiance is so broad that C&J, always here to help provide clarity from chaos, brings you the latest list of Israeli defiers actively striking, protesting, quitting, or a combination of all three, right up until the moment yesterday when Bibi blinked:
Hospitals, cafes, shopping centers, the military, schools, universities, museums, airports, seaports, USB ports, dentists, optometrists, hair salons, grocery stores, banks, diplomats, car dealerships, garbage collectors, day care centers, taxi drivers, bus drivers, Uber drivers, glassmakers, winemakers, hatmakers, shoemakers, quiltmakers, butchers, bakers and candlestick makers.
Same thing is happening in France after their leader unilaterally raised the retirement age. One slight difference: instead of shouting their chants, they tartly scoff them.
CHEERS to the Ikey we likey. We're surprised that Dwight Eisenhower hasn't been branded a traitor yet by the right-wingers because he had the audacity to expand Social Security and raise the minimum wage. Plus, on the eve of his exit from the White House he warned America of the dangers of expanding the “military-industrial complex” that loose cannons in charge could exploit. In short, his crap crapped bigger ones than the current crop of GOPretenders. But his heart, which attacked him several times throughout his life, finally gave out and he died on this date in 1969. Among Ike’s famous quotes chiseled into stone at his grave site is this hippie libturd pabulum:
Pay your respects here. And extra credit for winning the last U.S. war that actually deserved to be fought.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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x Carthage senior Jada Walton refused with every fiber of her being to be tagged out at home. pic.twitter.com/pusqLYNFno — Ryan Silapan (@RyanSilapan) March 22, 2023
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to famous firsts in the land of Ringy Dingies. 139 years ago this week, in 1884, the first telephone line connecting Boston and New York went live. It was soon followed by the first introduction of telephone "poles" connecting Boston and New York, mainly because people and their horses kept tripping over the damn thing.
CHEERS to big balls, little balls, bouncy bouncy! After a wild weekend of ups and downs and smiles and frowns, your 2023 NCAA Fabulous Four Men's matchups are: San Diego State vs. Florida Atlantic and UConn vs. Miami—the first time in which three of the teams are first-timers since 1970. The womenfolk’s final four are Iowa vs. South Carolina and LSU vs. Virginia Tech. Not many people know this, but I tried to play basketball in school. Didn’t work out. The ball kept bending my badminton racket.
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Ten years ago in C&J: March 28, 2013
JEERS to sinking to a new low. Some folks in the Volunteer State apparently need to throttle back on the hallucinogenic 'shrooms:
A few Tennessee lawmakers apparently inquired whether a new sink at the state capitol designed for custodial use was a sink for Muslims to wash their feet in before prayer, the Associated Press reported Monday. The lawmakers were reassured that it is simply a "mop sink."
Of course, that's exactly what someone would say who wants us to think it was "simply a mop sink" so they could continue using it as a secret Muslim foot washer in the pursuit of their secret Islamic plan to conquer America by blinding the rest of us with their shiny toenails. And they would've gotten away with it, too, if not for those meddling Republican Tennessee lawmakers. They don't miss a trick.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to Tuesday morning fun wipey happy time! Time to play a game (patent pending) that I created a decade ago…you'll love it! I call it "President or Hand Towel?" The rules are simple: just watch the clip below and then decide whether Bill Clinton is a president…or a hand towel:
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If you guessed president and hand towel, you win an extra helping of disgust at war criminal George W. Bush. Lucky you.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial "We're like...we're stuck in the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool. Yeah, we splashed a lot." —Child calling 911
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[END]
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