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Caturday Pootie Diary: Bird Watch [1]
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Date: 2023-03-11
“There you are!” I said, honestly glad to see him. “There’s the boy!”
He ignored me, intent on watching the yard.
I pulled my double cheeseburger from the bag and set it gently on a small plate. It smelled so good. “Are the ducks back?” I asked, over my shoulder.
“Why would you say that?” he demanded, turning to glare at me.
I shrugged, carrying my lunch past him to sit down on the couch. “You just seem so intent.”
“It’s not ducks!” he barked. “It’s birds!”
I opened my mouth to tell him, then changed my mind and took a bite of my burger instead.
“I don’t see any birds out there,” I said, gesturing to the window with my burger.
“They’ve been there all morning,” he said. “They hop around and flap their wings and act like I’m not even here.”
“Because you’re inside,” I explained. “You can't get to them.”
He frowned at his reflection in the glass. “I’m such a good hunter that it doesn’t matter that I’m inside.”
“It has nothing to do with skill,” I said. “It’s just physics. You can’t get through the glass and I’m not opening the door.”
He let out a frustrated snort, then turned and jumped up next to me on the couch. “There aren’t any birds out there now,” he pointed out.
“Probably because you were too close to the window. I’m sure they’re intimidated.”
“Yes, that must be it.” He stared at my burger. “That sure looks good.”
I took a big bite. “It is,” I said around a mouthful.
He continued to watch as I ate, making me feel both uncomfortable and guilty. I sighed and broke off a small piece of hamburger. Freddie instantly perked up and moved closer to me, stepping on my thigh and shoving his snout toward my lunch. “Hold on, hold on,” I said, examining the small bit of meat carefully, making sure there was nothing on it he shouldn’t have.
I dropped it on my palm and held it out for him. He quickly gobbled it down. “More,” he insisted.
I looked past him. “Look!” I said. “Birds in the feeder!”
My distraction worked and he quickly turned to stare at the window.
Freddie chattered at the bird in the feeder and the bird on top of the feeder. They were taking turns eating and watching for trouble. The lookout bird seemed to be unaware of the mighty hunter watching it from the couch. All of it’s attention was focused on the backyard.
“Ack! Ack! Ack! Ackackackackack!” Freddie chattered, his jaw opening and closing as if he were already snacking.
The birds changed places, while another bird landed on the patio table, and a fourth on the ground under the feeder.
Freddie lowered himself to a crouch, stretching his body out flat.
“Are you going to get that bird?” I asked, quickly finishing my meal.
He shot me a glare over his shoulder and went back to watching the window.
“Freddie, are there birds out there?” I asked, watching as another landed on the patio cover. “Oooh lots of birds!” I crooned.
“Human,” he said without turning. “Be quiet.”
I huffed a laugh and reached out to stroke his fur.
“Human!” he whisper-screamed.
“I shouldn’t pet you while you’re hunting?”
“You shouldn’t pet me while I’m hunting!”
"You don’t think it’s weird that you’re hunting birds from the couch?” I asked.
“It’s a good vantage point,” he whispered. “If you aren’t going to stop talking, at least talk quietly. You’ll scare them off.”
I looked past him to the birds. They were paying us absolutely no attention.
“What are you going to do?” I whispered.
He shook his furry backside, then using all the considerable speed given him by Mother Nature and millions of years of evolution, slithered off the couch and ran to the window.
The birds didn’t move, busy with their seeds and oblivious to us.
He chattered at them so more, staring intently from his position crouched down behind his bed.
I picked up my plate and stood, then walked past Freddie to the kitchen to wash up. The birds scattered at my movement.
Freddie gave an outraged feline curse.
“Good thing you have a bowl full of kibble,” I told him.
Happy Caturday, Peeps! Freddie does like to stalk the birds, but I’m not sure he’d actually know what to do if he ever caught one. Don’t forget to move your clocks forward tonight, dammit.
[END]
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