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You Could Save Forty Percent Or More On Your Property Taxes! *restrictions apply [1]

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Date: 2023-03-07

Welcome to the Street Prophets Coffee Hour.

I'm imagining something similar to those car insurance ads, except that instead of a cute talking CGI gecko there's a CGI Republican Jesus™. Complete with an American flag draped around him like a toga, explaining to potential customers how much money they could save on their property taxes.

This guy. If you can meet his exacting standards, he's here to help!

That's Representative Bryan Slaton (R) of Texas. This "Bold and brave Christian-Conservative" is committed to "supporting Texas families". And to that end has authored a bill to reduce property taxes for families to the tune of ten percent per child. Texas House Bill 2889. capitol.texas.gov/…

He's also known for his wholehearted support of the ever popular anti-LGBTQ agenda. Little kids must protected from drag queens dangummit! (His former intern Jake Neidert called for the public execution of trans people. Can't imagine where he got that idea.) Lest you think Slaton an outlier with this (vile, loathsome) mindset, here's an excerpt from the Texas Republican Party platform, adopted last June-

Now isn't that special?

Anyway. If HB 2889 passes, Texas families can apply for relief on their property taxes. If - *checks notes* -

• You're a straight cis married couple. This tax break wouldn't be available to LGBTQ married couples. Disgusting but not really surprising. These are Christofascist Republicans we're talking about after all.

• Neither of you have ever been divorced. If you want that sweet tax break you'll just have to stay in your toxic, abusive, soul-crushing marriage the way Republican Jesus™ intended.

• You'll need to have at least four kids to qualify. Three or less is obviously a misfortune. Get busy and fix that! (But try not to have too much fun in the process. Keep it decent!)

• Also, those kids must have been born within the bonds of holy matrimony. Former single parent, now married? Good on you for finally deciding to do the right thing! But your kid still doesn't count. "The sins of the fathers", etc etc.

• And the conception of those kids has to be "natural". If you're struggling with fertility problems and choose IVF or (gasp!) a sperm donor you're out of luck. Because "God's will" and all. Sorry, but rules are rules.

• Adopted kids are allowed as long as they were adopted after you got married. Again, kids of former single parents don't qualify. It's okay, Republican Jesus™ is totally on board with this.

• Four "qualifying" kiddos = forty percent off your property taxes. Manage to pop out ten, and- boy howdy hey!- you get one ​​​​​ hundred percent off! What a deal!

• Last but not least, you have to be a resident of Texas, and own real property there.

So nice of them, wanting to do this right after basically banning abortion in Texas. This is sure to incentivize raising a baker's dozen when you only really wanted one or two kids. Or none at all.

So get married, stay married, be fruitful and multiply in the great state of Texas, y'all!

Assuming of course that this revolting crap gets passed. Which it might.

Thank you for reading. This is an open thread, all topics are welcome.

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[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/3/7/2156354/-You-Could-Save-Forty-Percent-Or-More-On-Your-Property-Taxes-restrictions-apply

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