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Breaking GOP News: Donald Trump Abducted by Aliens; Gunfire Erupts Between Boebert and Greene [1]
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Date: 2023-02-27
It was reported earlier today that Donald Trump had been abducted by aliens. The former game show host was apparently abducted just after midnight. When contacted for comment the aliens, from planet Tpnehgyi, explained that as they were passing by Earth they intercepted a broadcast of Trump at a town called, “Ohio Train Disaster.” They noted that emanating from his person was endless amounts of Bloviating Sludge. Coincidentally, Bloviating Sludge, or B.S. as they shortened it, just happened to be the fuel that ran their entire power grid! They realized that Trump could be a source of said fuel indefinitely!! When it was pointed out that the former game show host was old and might be nearing his expiration date, the aliens were unperturbed, noting that they had identified another inexhaustible source of Bloviating Sludge called….Tucker Carlson. If need be, they could return.
In news closer to home, Lauren Boebert and Marjorie Taylor Greene engaged in a gunfight in the women’s restroom of the Capitol building. Apparently Greene had commented to Boebert that her red lipstick made her look like a drag queen. Boebert took exception to the comment and, thanks to the lack of metal detectors at the entrance of the Capitol building, pulled her gun out of her purse and opened fire. Green pulled a gun from her purse and returned fire. Neither paragon of the Republican Party was hit, as both had forgotten to attach their laser sights and thus their shooting was inaccurate. The only casualty was George Santos who happened to be walking past the woman’s restroom when one of the armor piercing rounds went through the wall and struck him in the AR-15 pin adorning his lapel. The pin kept the bullet from penetrating through to his non-existent heart. Shortly thereafter, Kevin McCarthy commented about how proud he was that the gals had exercised their second amendment rights.
Meanwhile, the aliens who had abducted Trump accelerated their space ship to get as far away from Earth as quickly as possible.
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