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Cheers and Jeers: Wednesday [1]
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Date: 2023-02-08
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, February 8, 2023
Note: If you happen to see my left index finger, please let me know. The last place I left it, I think, was in a bowl of Wendy’s chili. Thanks. —Bill
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By the Numbers:
9 days!!!
Days 'til spring: 40
Days 'til the Somerset Snow Fest in Skowhegan, Maine: 9
President Biden's approval rating in the new IBD/TIPP poll, the highest since December 2021: 46%
Estimated number of green jobs that have been announced since the Democrats' Inflation Reduction Act was signed into law: 100,000
Percent of all new U.S. generating capacity in 2023 that will come from solar power: 54%
Number of Chinese attack balloons that President Trump allowed to roam over the country, terrorizing the American citizenry, without shooting them down: 3
Percent chance that San Francisco has already had a full season's rainfall, and the season doesn’t even end until June 30: 100%
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 187 (including 2 Satanism events and 1 trailer probably full of murder victims). Soul Protection Factor 8 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: In San Antonio, Texas…Saved, Saved, and Saved!!!
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CHEERS to meeting the moment. That Joe Biden is a baaaad mother…. (Shut your mouth!)…Well I'm talking about Joe… (And we can dig it!) Last night's State of the Union address (transcript here) was part House Divided, part Date Which Will Live In Infamy, and part Rah Rah Sis Boom Bah. I thought he pulled it off well, with enough flinty-eyed stare to raise the Beelzebub hair on the back of Putin's neck. Here's my annual brain dump for future archaeologists to marvel over:
» "Today, though bruised, our democracy remains unbowed and unbroken." And gassy. But that’s mostly because of Taco Bell. » Ukraine good. Putin bad. Say yer prayers, Vlad. These sunflower seeds are for your pockets. » "We're no longer talking about infrastructure week. We're talking about infrastructure decades, bitches." » Sickest burn of the night: “I sincerely thank my Republican friends who voted for the [infrastructure] law. And to my Republican friends who voted against it but still ask to fund projects in their districts, don’t worry. I promised to be the president for all Americans. We’ll fund your projects. And I’ll see you at the ground-breaking.” » "I want to give special recognition to someone who I think will be considered the greatest Speaker in the history of this country, Nancy Pelosi." Don't even bother, PolitiFact. It's a self-evident truth by now. x Kyrsten Sinema entering the chamber. #SOTU pic.twitter.com/dYpceknaju — Ted Genoways (@TedGenoways) February 8, 2023 - » People, I have done, like, a shitload of stuff for y'all already. Pay attention, goddammit, I'm not doing all this shit just to pad my resume. Like, have you noticed that YOUR F*CKING GAS PRICES ARE WAY THE F*CK DOWN??? THAT’S A FACT, JACK. YOU'RE WELCOME!!! » Nice way of putting it: "I ran for President to fundamentally change things, to make sure the economy works for everyone so we can all feel pride in what we do. To build an economy from the bottom up and the middle out, not from the top down. Because when the middle class does well, the poor have a ladder up and the wealthy still do very well." But now I’m worried that Biden’s in the pocket of Big Ladder. » Can't wait to see how the MAGA cult figures out a way to defend junk fees so they can criticize Biden for wanting to get rid of 'em. » "And I make this solemn promise to America tonight: Ted Cruz will never deliver a State of the Union Address. And you can probably strike out Marjorie Taylor-Greene, too. Thank you and God bless our troops." [15 minute standing ovation]
Overall, a speech worthy of an A, I thought. Meanwhile, 14 of the Republican rebuttals have been delivered. The remaining 109 should be finished by tomorrow night.
CHEERS to the Illinois governor who took on the Kansas general. Happy 123rd birthday (technically last Sunday) to Adlai Stevenson II. He lost to Dwight Eisenhower in both 1952 and 1956. (Then again, I think God herself would have, too.) But as U.N. Ambassador he pleasantly surprised the Kennedy administration by giving the Russians hell during the Cuban missile crisis. And he sure understood Republicans:
"A hypocrite is the kind of politician who would cut down a redwood tree, then mount the stump and make a speech for conservation. " Brother, you said a mouthful. "I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends... that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them."
And I love this:
“We travel together, passengers on a little space ship, dependent on its vulnerable reserves of air and soil; all committed for our safety to its security and peace; preserved from annihilation only by the care, the work and, I will say, the love we give our fragile craft. We cannot maintain it half fortunate, half miserable, half confident, half despairing, half slave to the ancient enemies of man, half free in a liberation of resources undreamed of until this day. No craft, no crew can travel with such vast contradictions. On their resolution depends the survival of us all.”
In other words: nice knowin' ya.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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x This is the video that you didn't know you needed today 😍❤️ pic.twitter.com/9qE1A0patf — Jessi 💫 (@its_jessi_grace) February 6, 2023
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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Also swept up in the payola scandal: D.J. Tinkles.
JEERS to paying-for-playing. On February 8, 1960, Congress opened hearings on payola, a scheme in which disc jockeys (Dick Clark among them) accepted payment for playing and hyping certain records. Payola was outlawed, and it became punishable by a maximum $10,000 fine. Meanwhile members of Congress accept payment every day for playing favorites with and hyping corporate interests over the public interest, an offense punishable by a fat paycheck, a full pension, gold-plated healthcare benefits, and guaranteed employment in the lobbying sector if they get booted from office. My point is: shame on the record industry—that was just wrong!
CHEERS to warring your way to the poorhouse. It's been a year since Vladimir Putin got the idea in his brilliant, beautiful head to launch an invasion of a country which—spoiler alert—did not care to be occupied by a horde of incompetent, ruthless potato farters. In addition to getting stopped in their rusty, broken-down tank tracks, Russia is also watching its money dry up. Bigtime, from what ABC News tells me:
Russia's finance ministry said Monday that budget revenue in January was 35% lower compared with the same month in 2022, the last month before Russia sent troops into Ukraine. Russian field headquarters. The ministry also said the budget deficit for January was 1.77 trillion rubles ($23.9 billion), about 60% of the shortfall that had been planned for the entire year. Oil and gas revenue, the backbone of Russia's economy, was down 46% compared with January 2022.
And since Russia lies about everything, you can bet your bottom ruble that the real numbers are even worse. Thus explaining the country's new slogan: "Vodka: It's What's For Dinner. And Breakfast. And Lunch."
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Ten years ago in C&J: February 8, 2013
JEERS to tying yourself up in unnecessary knots. Yesterday was the day that the Boy Scouts of America (BSA) promised to announce a new, more inclusive policy towards kids wanting to join who happen to be gay. Instead, they found themselves unprepared and kicked the can of pork and beans down the road until May. So to sum up, via the Scout Law: the BSA board wasn't brave or trustworthy yesterday. The anti-gay scout protesters in front of the BSA headquarters weren't friendly, courteous, cheerful, kind or helpful. But because our side is thrifty, obedient and loyal to the struggle, we'll prevail. Wow—between this and the looming Supreme Court action on DOMA and Prop. 8, we've got a gay gay gay gay spring ahead. Now you know why Punxsutawney Phil showed up last Saturday wearing an ascot.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the Energizer Maestro. Woo-hoo! It's time for our annual "Happy Birthday" salute to 25-time Grammy winner, 5-time Oscar winner, 3-time Emmy winner, Kennedy Center honoree, critic flummoxer and rock-ribbed dirty fucking hippie union-loving Democrat John Williams. He is hands-down my favorite composer, and he's widely considered America's greatest living composer period. Over a span of over 60 years he's given us:
» One iconic theme for NBC Nightly News and another for Meet the Press » One score for an Oscar-winning animated short based on the late NBA star Kobe Bryant's poem Dear Basketball » Two Jaws scores » Two Jurassic Park scores. » Two themes and one episode score for Land of the Giants John Williams turns 91 today and he’s just getting warmed up... » Three Oliver Stone films (Born on the 4th of July, JFK, Nixon) » Three iconic disaster flicks (Poseidon Adventure, Earthquake, Towering Inferno) » Three Harry Potter scores » Five Indiana Jones scores » Five themes for the Olympic Games, one of which (the Grammy-winning 1984 fanfare) you’re still hearing on NBC nearly 40 years later. » Nine Star Wars scores—a 42-year magnum opus d'cinema that will never be equaled » 20 scores for episodes of Gilligan's Island » 29 scores for Steven Spielberg movies » The latest theme for the College Football National Championship Game » And, yes, a disco version of his theme from Close Encounters of the Third Kind that he regrets recording but it was a Top 40 hit, won a Grammy, and it’s actually pretty catchy.
He's also composed music involving a gaggle of American presidents: John F. Kennedy (JFK), John Quincy Adams/Martin Van Buren (Amistad), Tricky Dick (Nixon, The Post), Lincoln (Lincoln), and Obama (a piece for the first inauguration, in which he expressed "in a very simple and not ostentatious way the solemnity and beauty of the moment and the promise of the moment"). Also: Queen Elizabeth II (in The BFG). And we can’t forget Dick Cheney’s theme:
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After capturing Vienna's heart by conducting two sold-out concerts there—from which he produced an album that became the #1 classical best-seller of 2020—he's currently finishing Indy 5 and has a busy year of conducting ahead, including at his beloved Tanglewood. He has no intention of calling it quits. Happy 91st birthday, John. Only nine more years and we might let you retire.
Have a happy humpday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial “Splashing in the Cheers and Jeers kiddie pool doesn’t happen to people like me very often and this is so, so nice. Thank you very much.” —Harry Styles
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[END]
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