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Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Road Salt FRIDAY! [1]
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Date: 2023-01-27
You are now below the fold. No shoes, no shirt, no problem.
"It's Volodymyr Zelenskyy's birthday, and Joe Biden got him exactly what he asked for: 30 M1 Abrams tanks. The Abrams is a game-changer in the war in Ukraine. It's a state-of-the-art battle tank that weighs 70 tons and is capable of achieving speeds up to 42 miles an hour. Pentagon officials have been reluctant to send the Abrams, but then they changed their minds after Germany agreed to send its Leopard battle tanks to Ukraine. Making this the first time anyone has ever said, 'Good news! The German tanks are rolling in!'"
—Stephen Colbert "It was reported that last year the population of China declined by 850,000 people, thanks to an increase in China's leading cause of death: protesting."
—Michael Che, SNL Conan tweeted this a year ago, showing just how long the right has tried to get mileage from their lame performance-art “obsession” with the candy lifestyle: x It’s a slippery slope from woke M&M’s to Same-Skittle marriage. — Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) January 22, 2022 - "I hope it's not too late to wish you a happy new year. I hope it's a good year for all of us. As George Santos likes to say: 'Whole new year, whole new me.'"
—Guest Nathan Lane on The Late Show “Of all of George Santos’s lies, my favorite was that he was a standout volleyball player for Baruch College. Now, that is a fine thing to be, but an insane thing to pretend to be.”
—Colin Jost, SNL "The the nominations for the 95th Oscars were announced bright and early. The film that scored the most nominations was Everything Everywhere All At Once, which is up for best picture along with Top Gun: Maverick, Avatar 2, Elvis, and six movies no one has seen, including Triangle of Sadness, which I always thought was a slice of Papa John's pizza."
—Jimmy Kimmel
And now, our feature presentation…
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Cheers and Jeers for Friday, January 27, 2023
Note: Just a heads-up that there will be no C&J on Monday because the Marauding Grannies are robbing banks that day and I'm their ride. Back Tuesday. —Mgt.
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7 days!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the next full "snow moon": 9
Days 'til the Holtville Carrot Festival in California: 7
Number of Abrams tanks the U.S. is sending to Ukraine: 30
Age of Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelenskyy as of Wednesday: 45
Drop in Twitter ad revenues in December: -71%
Estimated percent of the 320-million U.S. egg-laying birds that were put down over the past year to control bird flu: 6%
Net worth of the video game industry in 2021, "more than music, U.S. book publishing and North American sports combined": $200 billion
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Weekend plans…
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CHEERS to Dark Brandon: Recession Slayer! My god, it's almost like President Biden knows what he's doing or something—like all those years of public service as a senator and vice president gave him knowledge, perspective, experience, and the managerial chops to capably lead our nation where others have failed. This is why the other countries (and the American MAGA-Russia party) remain jealous of us:
Gross domestic product—the broadest measure of economic activity—increased at an annualized rate of 2.9% from October to December last year, according to Commerce Department data released Thursday. For 2022, GDP expanded 2.1%, the report showed. Dark Brandon is in yer United States fixin’ yer economy. Last quarter’s 2.9% expansion, while a step back from the 3.2% annualized growth seen in the third quarter, represents continued improvement on the first half of the year when GDP shrank. […] Economists were expecting fourth-quarter GDP to grow at an annualized adjusted rate of 2.6%, according to Refinitiv.
And on the jobs front, unemployment claims came in under the forecasters' expectations. Amazingly, none of the newly-unemployed included incompetent forecasters.
JEERS to Germany's great shame. Today is International Holocaust Remembrance Day, coinciding with the 78th anniversary of the liberation of the Auschwitz and Birkenau Nazi death camps. With memories of World War II rapidly fading, and the Nazi movement once again eyeing world domination, survivors continue telling their stories with greater urgency:
In light of International Holocaust Remembrance Day this week, survivor Joseph Alexander will come to Newport Beach Sunday to discuss what happened to him and millions of other Jews after the Nazis invaded Poland, replaced his name with a number and worked him to the brink of death. [...] Liberated January 27, 1945. Alexander’s parents and siblings weren’t able to see the defeat of the Nazis and the end of World War II. He spent about five years in Europe before moving to the United States and starting a family of his own, and he recently celebrated his 100th birthday. Today, he resides in Los Angeles and continues to impart his experiences and lessons learned in the hope that what happened to him and so many people he cared about might never be repeated. “It’s all of our responsibility, collectively, to stand up and transform darkness, hate and negativity,” Mintz said.
We'll mark the occasion as we always do—by not joking about it.
CHEERS to things I spy with my little eye. If you woke up with a bad case of windburn this morning, I think I can solve that little mystery for ya: a giant asteroid whizzed mere inches from your head last night:
[T]his newly discovered asteroid [zoomed] 2,200 miles (3,600 kilometers) above the southern tip of South America. That’s10 times closer than the bevy of communication satellites circling overhead.[…] Space Force troopers successfully broke up the asteroid from their ship Pointy 1. Sadly, they were later zapped by a wily UFO captain. Discovered Saturday, the asteroid known as 2023 BU is believed to be between 11 feet (3.5meters) and 28 feet (8.5 meters) feet across. It was first spotted by the same amateur astronomer in Crimea, Gennady Borisov, who discovered an interstellar comet in 2019. Within a few days, dozens of observations were made by astronomers around the world, allowing them to refine the asteroid’s orbit.
What I saw last night was a huge, imposing, and cruel mass of rock capable of inflicting extreme and heartless damage to our citizens and our way of life. Then I swiveled my telescope away from Ron DeSantis's head and took a look at the giant asteroid.
CHEERS to the good times. On January 27, 1998, Democratic President Bill Clinton told the nation during his State of the Union address that the federal government would have a balanced budget in 1999...the first in 30 years. And then he callously left his Republican successor the back-breaking task of screwing it all up. And then his Democratic successor cleaned it all up. And then his Republican successor screwed it all up. And now his Democratic successor is cleaning it all up again. I'm sensing a pattern here.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
(Via the Michigan Senate Education Committee, now controlled by Democrats.)
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x "At this stop, we will not participate in the demonization of teachers or LGBTQ students, and we will not give credence to fake scandals or conspiracy theories.
Let me be clear that those days are over for the next four years while I hold this gavel." pic.twitter.com/TqBnVVWybu — Senator Dayna Polehanki (@SenPolehanki) January 24, 2023
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to music's Boy Wonder. Happy 267th birthday to Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. He's most famous for his hit, "Rock Me Amadeus," which hit #1 in 1786 on Casey's Countdown. But as for your symphonies...eh, can you make 'em sound more like Salieri? Too many notes, kid. Pay your respects here. In B-flat.
CHEERS to home vegetation. Since our nation is still mostly in the capable hands of Democrats again, we can relax and spend some couch time with the teevee this weekend, starting tonight with Chris Hayes and the MSNBC crew.
Nice of Tom Brady to supply the footballs for this weekend’s games. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha smiley face emojis to infinity!
Or you can catch a new Penn & Teller: Fool Us starting at 8 on the CW, which competes with the U.S. Women’s Figure Skating Championships on NBC. Bill Maher's guests tonight (just for the record, not because we watch him anymore) on Real Time are Facebook whistleblower Frances Haugen, Elon Musk sycophant Bari Weiss, and former conservadem Rep. Tim Ryan (D-OH). The new movies and home videos, new and old, are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. Pedro Pascal (“The Mandalorian”) hosts SNL with Coldplay providing the musical notes. The NBA schedule is here and the NHL schedule is here.
Meanwhile the Superb Owl competitors will be determined Sunday when the Bengals face the Chiefs for the AFC title (3pm, Fox) and the 49ers take on the Eagles for the NFC Championship (6:30, CBS, so no 60 Minutes this week—how will we muddle through?). As always, I'm putting all my money on whichever team Secretariat is on.
Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: TBA The House MAGA leadership are kicking them off of their committees for no good reason. They’ll have a thing or two to say about that Sunday. CNN's State of the Union: Reps. Adam Schiff (D-CA), Eric Swalwell (D-CA), Ilhan Omar (D-MN), and Summer Lee (D-PA); Gov. Chris Sununu (The Cult-NH); former Rep. Adam Kinzinger (R-IL). Face the Nation: Speaker-in-name-only Kevin McCarthy (The Cult-CA); Sen. mark warner (D-VA) and Little Marco (The Cult-FL). This Week: Senator Dick Durbin (D-IL); Tyre Nichols’ Family Attorney Ben Crump; Rep. Mike Turner (The Cult-OH). Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Rep. Michael McCaul (The Cult-TX); Rep. Adam Smith (D-WA); Sen. Katie Britt (The Cult-AL).
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: January 27, 2013
JEERS to a match made in a place that's not Heaven. Today a group of Satan worshippers is gathering in Florida to chant Governor Rick Scott's malevolent praises. The reason: a bill Scott signed that opens the door to allowing prayer in public schools, which also means opening the door to allowing satanic prayer in schools. Won’t that be fun at the next student assembly! The rally may be done by now, but if you want to catch the fork-tailed end of it, here's a travel tip from AAA: if you find yourself in the middle of a group of gangly python-headed orcs with glowing red eyes, pointy fingernails, evil grins and maniacal laughs who are torturing old people by making them choose between food and medicine, your GPS has accidentally sent you to the governor's office. The satanists are across the street.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to "32." Make sure you take a moment Monday to say Happy Birthday (or, to use his dialect, "Happy buhthday") to Franklin Delano Roosevelt, who turns 141. He was far from perfect, as all presidents have been: turning away Jews fleeing Nazi Germany, the internment camps, the womanizing. But he was a force of nature who didn’t let polio stop him as he charged headlong into fighting the depression and wars on multiple fronts in Europe and Asia, while passing reforms that made life better for ordinary Americans. Says William Ridings and Stuart McIver in their book Rating the Presidents (where FDR sits at #2, just below Lincoln):
Roosevelt is praised most often for his role in preserving the American capitalist system at a time when many countries were opting for fascism. Given the dire crises he was forced to confront, perhaps the highest praise from the poll is "the right man in the right place at the right time." [...] Others praise him for stopping Hitler—and shudder to think what might have been if a less-effective president had been at the helm in those dangerous days.
The lunatics on the right try mightily to rewrite history by insisting that the New Deal was a failure. Never mind that laws enacted in the 1930s—chipped away at though they were—helped prevent our 2008 and 2020 Great Recessions from turning into all-out depressions. Pay your respects here. And never let anyone forget the difference between the parties, as defined by Roosevelt himself: Democrats say we have nothing to fear but fear itself, while Republicans say we have nothing to fear but everything but fear itself. (Plus, of course, the female M&Ms.)
P.S. It's also Dick Cheney's birthday Monday. He turns 666. Again.
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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[END]
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