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Burning Down the House - GNR for Bluesday, January 24th [1]
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Date: 2023-01-24
In the spittle flecked offices of the republican conference, those members who’ve mastered the required scream and pout curriculum, are busy plotting their next bit of insurrection.
Using our patented Fleas And Tick Assisted Sedition Stopper technology1, we were able to infiltrate some mini-cams into conspiracy central (aka the Speaker’s office). From there it was just a few flea jumps to bugging all of the (R) infested offices (it helps that they subscribe en masse to Bannon’s Hygiene for Traitors channel).
Today we’ll take a look at some of the highlights from the first couple of weeks of Qevin’s reign directly from inside the chambers of fraud and division, focusing on members of the Treason Caucus.
The office of Qevin “Spineless” McCarthy — Specialty: Tearing down the House:
Weak and ineffective are the kindest things being said about Barely Speaker McCarthy. After willingly participating in his own emasculation, just so he gets to hold a gavel, Qevin is moving into 2023 as the least powerful Speaker of our lifetimes. His current focus is on protecting criminals in his conference from any consequences for their actions.
We caught this little snippet in the immediate aftermath of that 15th vote, while he was knocking back a scotch and Maalox cocktail.
Dammit! Now I have to figure out how to convince Biden to pardon Gaetz in exchange for raising the debt ceiling. These promises for votes are going to bite me in the ass. I just know it.
The office of Marjorie Taylor “Empty” Greene — Specialty: Bringing down the House:
As a past winner of a couple of (R) Congressional medals — The Complete Waste of Space medal with the Jew(ish) Space Laser Campaign Ribbon and the Total Waste of Oxygen medal with 5 Potato Eye clusters from the main republican benefactor Vlad the Aggressor, himself — Empty has been climbing the ladder of Sedition, from common lackwit to the Keeper of Qevin’s Testicles and official House Moyle and Gelder.
This is a excerpt from negotiations over the sale of her vote for Speaker.
My price? Well, first you have to make sure I’m put in charge of the Gazpacho Police. I’ve got some opponents to terrorize. After that, I want you to make my former BFF, Boebert, give me her Red Lobster gift card. Finally, I want first pick of Congressional fitness trainers.
The office of Matt “The High-Haired Perv” Gaetz — Specialty: Running down the House:
As the official (R) Congressional human trafficker and procurer for the party, Matty has been on a grand tour of de Nile for the last year or so. His presence in the chamber demonstrates the republican party has no pride, morality, or conscience.
Mattie dictated this little gem to his brand new footstool, Qevin.
You understand we all have to support Russia now. Without their backing we won’t have enough money and airtime to get ourselves reelected.
The office of Paul “My Family Loathes Me” Gosar — Gunning down the House:
Paul Gosar, a man so far gone down the bigot’s reactionary weasel hole, was disowned by his entire family. He has elevated himself from universal persona non grata to persona non grata everywhere except the republican House Conference and CPAC meetings. This is a person who thinks hateful is far too lenient.
We are sorry to report that it was impossible to find any quotes from Gosar that weren’t stomach churningly repulsive. We thought the stuff he’s said in public was revolting. What he said in private takes it to a whole other level of sickness. So far everyone who has listened to the recordings has scheduled several PTSD therapy sessions. We refuse to inflict that kind of filth on the DKos community.
The office of Lauren “Sideshow” Boebert: — Specialty: Dumbing down the House:
Known as the Louie Gohmert of the 118th Congress, Lauren is working hard to make laxative use mandatory for all members of the House. It’s part of her campaign to make significant changes to our US Constipation.
She said this to fellow cult member Elise Stefanik.
Um, ok, er… I want to stick it to Biden like all of us good [sic] republicans. I just don’t understand why everyone is so excited about Hunter’s dick pics. My buddy, Mattie, sends me some of his every day. Did you know he likes hanging out at the bowling alley with my husband?
The office of Andy “Pardon Me” Biggs — Specialty: Flushing down the House:
As one of the lesser lights in a constellation of dim bulbs, Andy has, so far, evaded the full spotlight his treason deserves. Self-righteously proud of his narrow-minded, bigoted view of the world, Andy pushed Qevin to agree to bring up any crackpot bill swirling around in the Freedumb Caucus’s spiraling toilet of exceptionally stupid ideas.
From a recent presentation to the caucus’s working group on 2024.
I think the best thing we can do is default on the national debt and crash the world’s economy. That will be sure to help us win in 2024.
The office of Gym “The Enabler” Jordan — Specialty: Shouting down the House:
What can one say about Gym that he hasn’t already shouted at any camera in range of his incoherent ranting. Building on his early successes, protecting pederasts from prosecution, Gym has become a one-stop shop for enablement. From his devotion to the criminal sexual predator at the top of his party to the criminal sexual predator he partners with for bad performance politics, Gym is a great disappointment to all his ancestors right back to the primordial ooze.
Mattie the Perv was visiting Gym when he dropped this surprisingly reflective quote.
You know Matt, running interference for your little indiscretions takes me back to my glory days at Ohio State. Back then I could shout all I wanted and no one made fun of me.
The office of Scott “Give me back my phone” Perry — Specialty: Shutting down the House:
Pennsylvania’s entry in the Coup Coup Kachoo sweepstakes, Scott Perry, should probably be deported back to his native Dumbcluckistan for crimes against sanity. Relying entirely on whine and bluster, he’s earned several awards as an all foam and no beer icon.
From the same caucus working group meeting as Andy’s quote.
I’ve got a new plan. We’ll put everyone in need of a pardon and in danger of being indicted on Homeland and Judiciary. Then we’ll claim any investigations against them are part of another witch hunt. That’ll work unless they find the room with the pentacles, cauldron and spell ingredient shelves.
The office of George “That’s not my real name” Santos — Specialty: Lying down the House:
We’ve just found out that Georgie, in addition to his House committee assignments, will be in charge of the republican Congressional Campaign Committee’s fundraising efforts. Anthony Devolder will take over as Chief Information Officer for the RNC. In the event that one of them is indicted, the other will take over the duties of both offices. If they both end up facing charges, Kitara Ravache will take the reigns.
It looks like George wants to help his fellow Congressweasels out of their predicament. Here he is working his magic on retired rep Mo Brooks.
I can help you out with your financial problems. My company New Harbor City Capital, LLC is seeing an annual ROI of greater than 40%. For every investor you bring into our family you will get a percentage of their profits as well as a percentage of any of the people they recruit and so on. After just a few months and a little effort you’ll be able to afford those defense attorneys you’re lusting after.
1 It turns out that creatures commonly referred to as vermin care infinitely more about democracy than republicans. We were easily able to recruit legions of patriotic creepy crawlies, pests, and blood suckers to work on behalf of the American Dream.
You’ve probably noticed, their clown car is full to bursting. They keep stuffing more and more sad clowns into smaller and smaller constituencies. They really should have twigged that they’d already sent in the clown with Orange Donnie. This repetition is beyond tedious. I doubt they’ll ever figure out Idiot Mountain is shrinking because Whine flavored Kool-Aid is not a particularly popular flavor. We just need to keep up the pressure.
We have the power. We have the ability. We can and we will do this.
Slava Ukraini!
Remember the Children
Screw you, Samuel Alito
SNL’s cold open featured George Santos (Bowen Yang) as a sideline reporter.
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Colbert spent some time reviewing tfg’s eulogy for Diamond.
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Kimmel and a three month old John Oliver I just discovered are also worth a view.
Jimmy Kimmel: Trump Gives TRUMPIEST Performance Ever at a FUNERAL & George Santos Addresses Drag Queen Video
John Oliver: Transgender Rights II: Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)
And now, the news.
Boom Goes the Gavel
How many of these seditionist folks went to tfg rallies and spent endless hours screaming, “Lock her up!” I don’t think Karma liked that.
Huffington Post: MIchael Kunzelman, Alanna Durkin Richer: Four Oath Keepers Convicted Of Jan. 6 Seditious Conspiracy
WASHINGTON (AP) — Four members of the Oath Keepers were convicted Monday of seditious conspiracy in the Jan. 6, 2021 Capitol attack in the second major trial of far-right extremists accused of plotting to forcibly keep President Donald Trump in power. The verdict against Joseph Hackett of Sarasota, Florida; Roberto Minuta of Prosper, Texas; David Moerschel of Punta Gorda, Florida; and Edward Vallejo of Phoenix, comes weeks after after a different jury convicted the group’s leader, Stewart Rhodes, in the mob’s attack that halted the certification of President Joe Biden’s electoral victory.
A Little Bit of Pushback for the New Speaker(ish) Pretender
Kevin is not fit to follow in Nancy’s footsteps. He proves it every day. He’s also not fit to hold John Boehner's jockstrap (a very low threshold for that one) or Paul Ryan’s gavel (an even lower bar).
Wonkette: Evan Hurst: Hakeem Jeffries To Kevin McCarthy: Wanna Fight About Adam Schiff And Eric Swalwell? Let's Go.
House Democratic Leader Hakeem Jeffries is not taking any shit from Barely Speaker Kevin McCarthy, and he is treating McCarthy's threats to refuse to seat Reps. Adam Schiff and Eric Swalwell on the House Intelligence Committee with all the respect they deserve. McCarthy has been just cold making up shit about Schiff lying to the American people in Donald Trump's first impeachment, and making silly little insinuations regarding the secrets the FBI tells in briefings about Swalwell. It's all as credible as McCarthy is. Because it was one million years ago in political time, you might have forgotten what Republicans think Adam Schiff lied to the American people about. If you are a longtime Wonkette reader, do the words "TREASON PARAPHRASE" ring any bells? Anyway, click those links for refresher. Also, reminder! Eric Swalwell has never been accused of any kind of wrongdoing. Republicans just yell on Fox News the name of the Chinese spy who tried to associate with him, the one he immediately distanced himself from when the FBI briefed him. That's it. But McCarthy is mad, and Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene is his best friend now — "I will never leave that woman," said McCarthy recently to one of his friends — and this is PAYBACK for Democrats removing her and Arizona's Paul Gosar from their committees after January 6. It's PAYBACK because then-Speaker Nancy Pelosi was mean and wouldn't even let seditionist Republicans serve on the January 6 Select Committee investigating the seditionist insurrection. It's PAYBACK because of Schiff's and Swalwell's involvement with the impeachments of Donald Trump, and the investigations into Trump's ties with Russia.
Oops
You can’t make this stuff up. They’d laugh you out of the writer’s room. Meanwhile, Donnie’s lawyers are all gathering in a circle chanting, “The stupid, it burns,” while praying for Satanic intervention. By now you know he’s finally admitted he used to be a drag queen. What follows is what else has come to light in the last couple of days.
Mother Jones: Madison Pauly: Trump Confused His Ex-Wife With the Rape Accuser He Called “Not My Type”
Former President Donald Trump has given many denials to writer E. Jean Carroll’s allegation that he cornered her and raped her in a Bergdorf Goodman dressing room in the mid-1990s. He’s called Carroll’s story “all fiction,” “a con job,” and “a big fat hoax.”✂️ Yet perhaps the most quoted of all Trump’s defenses is his insulting insistence that Carroll is “not my type,” as he told the Hill in an Oval Office interview shortly after Carroll’s story went public. The New York Times, USA Today, and many other outlets promptly ran his insult in their headlines. The Atlantic broke down the quote’s inherent misogyny: how it reduces an “unruly woman” to a sexual commodity, then dismisses her. Carroll, meanwhile, filed a defamation lawsuit over Trump’s denials, including the “not my type” quote, saying the president smeared her when he called her a liar. But a newly unsealed deposition from that lawsuit has thrown Trump’s “not my type” defense into question. According to the deposition transcript, when Trump was shown a picture of himself with his then-wife, Ivana Trump, talking to Carroll, Trump misidentified Carroll as his second wife, Marla Maples.
Remember How This Putz’s Scandals Got Swept Under the Rug
I’m willing to donate a microscope, if they’ll go ahead and follow up all those leads they left hanging the last time.
Alternet: Tom Boggioni: Legal expert calls for new Brett Kavanaugh investigation amid explosive documentary allegations
Based upon new allegations of sexual impropriety committed by sitting now-sitting Supreme Court Associate Justice Brett Kavanaugh, a former career prosecutor stated there is no reason why a new investigation should not be undertaken by the Justice Department. Speaking with MSNBC host Katie Phang, Glenn Kirschner hammered the FBI for the poor handling of tips that came in before Kavanaugh was given a lifetime appointment to the nation's highest court. In the new documentary from noted filmmaker Doug Liman, Deborah Ramirez --who was never invited to testify during the Senate confirmation hearing -- gave a detailed description about her encounter with Kavanaugh while in college.
How Is It That He Hasn’t Drowned in His Own BS Yet?
I had told myself I wouldn’t include a bunch of Santos stories because he’d be so yesterday’s news by now. I was wrong. The new(ish) porkies just keep on coming. I think he may be even more of a prolific liar than tfg.
Raw Story: Sarah K. Burris: Maddow obtains video of George Santos claiming he was the target of assassination
MSNBC host Rachel Maddow began her Monday show by revealing that she'd found a video interview of Rep. George Santos (R-NY) claiming that he was the victim of an attempted murder plot. According to Santos, he now has to have full police protection to protect him from the murderers who "might come back," the host said. "We have already suffered an attempt on my life. An assassination attempt," he told the outlet. He then said that he was given police protection, which the Maddow team checked with the NYPD.
Although not mentioned in the Burris piece, Rachael has reached out to the NYPD for corroboration of Santos’ claims. She hadn’t heard back by the time the story went live. This link will take you to the main Rachael Maddow Show webpage. You’ll have to navigate to the Santos story on the right side of the page. MSNBC makes embedding videos difficult.
Variety: Pat Saperstein: Now George Santos Seems to Think He Appeared on ‘Hannah Montana’
Newly seated Republican congressman George Santos from New York has claimed a lot of things that turned out to be false — his employment at Goldman-Sachs, his education at NYU and Baruch College, and his supposedly Jewish heritage, to name just a few. But the latest wrinkle revealed about Santos might be the last straw. On a Wikipedia page for Anthony Devolder, an alias Santos used repeatedly, Politico reports that Devolder claims to have appeared on the popular Disney Channel series “Hannah Montana,” which ran from 2006 to 2011. The Wikipedia page, which has since been removed, was last updated in 2011. It lists his birth date, which matches Santos’, and says he appeared on “Hanna Montana” (which was misspelled) and “The Suite Life of Zack & Cody.” Miley Cyrus starred in “Hannah Montana,” in which her character led a double life as a typical teenager and a pop star.
In case you’ve forgotten what’s already been exposed, this recap, last updated on the 19th, might help. I’ve excerpted a lie I missed the first time around.
Gothamist: Josefa Velasquez, Clayton Guse, Elizabeth Kim, David Cruz: An updating list of George Santos' lies, deceptions and fabrications
During a March 2020 interview, Santos claimed he had a brain tumor. He said while his condition resulted in a weakened immune system, he was still capable of fighting a COVID-19 infection. He claimed the pandemic — which officially began the month he was interviewed — had been exaggerated.
But wait, theres’ more. We are starting to see fallout onto to other republicans
CNN: Pamela Brown, Gregory Krieg: George Santos’ lies are casting a harsh spotlight on a powerful Republican who endorsed and raised money for him
Cascading revelations about New York Rep. George Santos’ pattern of lies and deception are putting increased scrutiny on powerful New York Rep. Elise Stefanik, the fourth-ranking House Republican and a vocal supporter of Santos during his 2022 campaign. Stefanik was a key validator for Santos in their shared home state and often touted the candidate in public and private forums. Several prominent GOP donors told CNN that they gave to Santos, who was largely unknown to them, because Stefanik, the state’s most influential elected Republican and a prolific fundraiser, backed him. “I would have never donated without Elise,” said Ken Salamone, who gave $5,800 to Santos’ campaign and more than $20,000 to his joint fundraising committee, after Stefanik’s team reached out on his behalf. “I assumed she did her homework. I always do my homework and didn’t. Shame on me.”
Andy Is Dandy Yes. You’re right. My headlines for the Borowitz report are becoming increasingly lamer. It would be much easier if Andy would just stop writing. I wouldn’t have to keep wracking my brain for something fresh every couple of weeks. The New Yorker: Satire from the Borowitz Report: Giuliani Praises George Santos: “The G.O.P. Must Pass the Torch to a New Generation of Liars” NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—Offering his full-throated support for Representative George Santos, Rudolph Giuliani said that “it’s time for Republicans to pass the torch to a new generation of liars.” “I get why some Republicans are knocking the kid—they’re envious of his raw talent,” Giuliani told Fox News Channel’s Sean Hannity. “But we should be showing him our respect. I mean, look at this kid’s body of work. He could turn out to be the Michael Jordan of lying.” “When I watch him lie, he reminds me of me at his age,” Giuliani said. “Like poetry in motion. But he’s taking his game to a whole new level. The inventiveness, the audacity. Personally, I can’t wait to see what he does next.” I’ve Always Liked Scientific American They’ve kept giving me more reasons to do so. Scientific American: Christina Han, Cara C. Heuser: Antiabortion Heartbeat Bills Are neither Morally nor Legally Sound Fifty years ago, the Supreme Court effectively legalized abortion with its Roe v. Wade decision. Seven months ago, the Court took those rights away. Since the decision in Dobbs v. Jackson, antiabortion legislators have pushed state-level laws that try to ban abortions at earlier and earlier points in pregnancy. With some of these laws, legislators want to make abortion illegal as soon as an embryo has detectable cardiac activity. These so-called “fetal heartbeat laws” and their underlying talking point that abortion “stops a beating heart” are not only scientifically inaccurate, but they are also morally unsound. Something Else We Can Recycle Our walls may be getting a little fishy in the future. [I couldn’t resist. I tried. I couldn’t do it.] GoodNewsNetwork: Andy Corbley: Design Company Invents Ceramic–Like Tiles But Made Entirely of Fish Scales and Completely Recyclable In an effort to come up with a renewable, biodegradable design material that also eliminates a landfill waste stream, French designers are proposing to cover the walls of your home with fish scales. In reality the idea is an elegant tile made from fish scales. It’s called Scalite, and it separates then combines naturally-occuring minerals and the collagen in the fish scales to create a beautiful, durable, naturally fire-resistant tile. Fish scales are sometimes turned into fertilizer and fish oil supplements, but are often just thrown out into normal landfill waste streams along with the head and the bones. Musical Interlude
There’s a new Songs Around the World offering from Playing for Change. Tantas Tierras means “so many lands.”
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Music from Ukraine
Samoliuk Volodymyr Volodymyrovych, professionally known as Skofka is a Ukrainian (from Rivne) rapper/hip hopper. This song, Hear the Anthem, is dedicated to his friend, Valentin Konovodov, who died in defense of Ukraine.
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On the Lighter Side (with an Edge)
Closing Notes
We’ll end with a Birdsong from one of the lead up to New Year’s shows at the Oakland Civic Center at the end of 1983. I might have been at this show (I was there for New Year’s Eve and one more date that I’m a bit fuzzy on that year).
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A Note on Today’s Poll
Republican talking points are often 10 or 15 flushes past absurd. At the top they have dog whistle racism and bigotry messages (caravans of criminal immigrants, Antifa did it, Jews will not replace us, etc.) which include subliminal (and overt) calls to violence. They also spend a lot of time serving their big money masters by attempting to derail corporate responsibility for many of the serious problems facing the country and the planet (guns, climate change denial, the trickle down idiocy, pollution is the cost of doing business, tobacco, lead paint, all regulations are bad, etc.). After that, way down below the bottom, there’s the weekly Fauxtrage bombardment. Those are the stories manufactured with no purpose other that to keep their base ginned up and angry. They explode out of the Internet Research Agency pre-debunked. My memory (i.e. too lazy to google it) tells me this really took off with Bilious Billy O’Reilly’s annual demented fantasy known as The Democratic War on Christmas. As of the moment I’m writing this, the most recent example is Maganinnies moaning about Pink Floyd being woke because of the rainbow on the cover of the 50th Anniversary Edition of Dark Side of the Moon (Spoiler: The new cover is the same as the 50 year old cover)
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