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Cheers and Jeers: Rum and Coke FRIDAY! [1]
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Date: 2023-01-20
You are now below the fold, where the antelope play and the points are doubled.
"Yesterday Alabama and Mississippi observed a state holiday that honors Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and Robert E. Lee. Did I say and? I definitely meant or."
—Seth Meyers "Did you see this? During last night's game the Cowboys' kicker missed four straight extra points. We haven't seen somebody fail that many times in a row since Kevin McCarthy ran for Speaker of the House."
—Jimmy Fallon x 🙎♂️👶 #Colbert pic.twitter.com/t8trR6Kp24 — The Late Show (@colbertlateshow) January 18, 2023 - "According to Newsweek, Donald Trump was not included in his ex-wife Ivana's will. Ivana Trump, who Donald buried at his golf course in New Jersey, reportedly left a million dollars to the nanny who raised Eric, Don Jr., and Ivanka—one of whom eats paste, one who sniffs it, and another who married it."
—Jimmy Kimmel "Lottery officials have announced that the $1.35 billion jackpot was won by a single ticket holder in Maine. And if you're wondering what they're gonna buy with that…Maine."
—Seth Meyers
And now, our feature presentation…
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Cheers and Jeers for Friday, January 20, 2023
Note: January is Bath Safety Month. It’s your duty as an American citizen to follow the #1 bath safety rule: keep a loaded AR-15 hidden under your bubbles at all times. (And don’t forget to scrub behind those ears, patriots. There could be secret Antifa hiding back there.)
—Your Friends at the Still Bankrupt NRA
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By the Numbers:
5 days!!!
Days 'til Australia Day: 5
Days 'til the Sustainable Foods Summit in San Francisco: 5
Drop in wholesale inflation in December: -0.5%
Number of homes President Biden wants powered by offshore wind farms by 2030: 10 million
Amount Rep. George Santos (MAGA-NY) raised via a GoFundMe account he set up for Rich Osthoff's sick dog before he ghosted the Navy veteran and stole the money: $3,000
China's GDP for 2022, lower than the country's target of 5.5%: 3%
Percent of lost TV remotes that end up having been accidentally left in the fridge or freezer: 4%
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Puppy Pic of the Day: On a roll…
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CHEERS to the first 730 days. January 20, 2021. What a day. And here we are—[Blink!]—two years later. Naturally, I can't help but offer a mini performance review here at the half-way mark of Term One. So here are some quick thoughts:
Foreign Relations: Beloved by a huge portion of the world. Effective at helping restore America's good name among countries antagonized by the previous administration; numerous trips abroad to forge stronger relations and universal cooperation on a range of issues. Two years. Domestic Issues: Supporter of economic stimulus activity; advocate for improvements in health care, especially in children and young adults; strong advocate on behalf of military families; promoter of national service; leader on women's issues. Personal: Optimistic, outgoing, energetic, persistent, forward-looking, resilient, congenial, intelligent; strong moral compass; excellent spouse, parent and pet owner. Midterm grade: A+ Summary: A first-class, first-rate First Lady.
The tall white-haired guy to whom she's married? Eh...a work in progress.
CHEERS to paying for poor choices. Yikes. The mask fell off of Democratic New York Governor Kathy Hochul, whose nominee for chief judge of the state Supreme Court revealed that she might be kinda a little bit against abortion and unions. Who knew??? It’s yet another sign that there may be an issue with lead pipes or lead paint or radon gas or some brain-altering phenomenon inside the governor's mansion. Thankfully, state Senate Democrats circled the wagons and gently made a course correction:
A key panel dominated by Democrats tanked New York Gov. Kathy Hochul’s nominee to lead the state’s highest court on Wednesday, handing the governor a humiliating defeat at the hands of members of her own party―and a victory for progressive lawmakers determined to hold the line against a judicial pick they deemed too conservative. New logo of the Hochul administration. Criticism of some of [Judge Hector] LaSalle’s rulings on union rights, as well as abortion and civil rights policies, carried extra resonance for Democratic senators in light of the increasingly conservative turn of the U.S. Supreme Court and a desire to see New York’s judiciary as a counterweight to those decisions.
Hochul may double down on LaSalle's nomination by fighting the committee's decision. Let the double-dog daring begin.
P.S. Speaking of judge stuff, the Supreme Court—now basking in a whopping 25 percent approval rating by the American public—has completed its exhaustive investigation into who leaked Justice Alito’s decision repealing Roe v. Wade. After looking under all the potted plants in the building, lead investigator Justice Alito says it’s hopeless. Oh well, he tried.
CHEERS to small town celebrations. On January 20, 1981, 52 Americans held hostage in Iran for 444 days were finally freed. One of them, Bert Moore, lived in my hometown—Mt. Vernon, Ohio—and his son was in my class. As Rachel Maddow reminded us recently, President James Earl Carter—NOT President Ronald F*cking Reagan as revisionist-history Republicans want you to believe—was responsible for negotiating the deal, and flew to Germany to welcome the hostages as they landed. I love this pic:
Jimmy and Rosalynn Carter celebrate the news that the hostages will be released just minutes before Carter's presidency ends.
The homecoming celebration for Bert Moore at our high school gymnasium (I played baritone horn on 'Tie A Yellow Ribbon ‘Round the Old Oak Tree' as Senators John Glenn and Howard Metzenbaum tapped their toes in approval) was Americana personified. Some days you just never forget.
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BRIEF SANITY BREAK
Two years ago today. Click and groove...
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END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
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CHEERS to thanksgiving—the state of mind, not the holiday. As in, thank goodness it was a Democrat—FDR—taking the oath of office for an unprecedented 4th time on this date in 1945. But, boy, does he look wrung-out on the cusp of his 63rd birthday:
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We're sorry he had to be the one to find out that three terms is enough to kill a man. But thanks for winning a war worth fighting. And Social Security. Meanwhile, 62 years ago today, JFK gave his one and only inaugural address, during which he said: "Ask not what your country can do for you—ask what you can do for your country." This weekend I plan to heed his mandate by baking 333 million cupcakes.
CHEERS to home vegetation. Very disappointed that our weekly roundup of what’s on the weekend TV schedule failed to win a single Critics Choice Award. But we muddle on anyway, bruised ego and all.
I’ll take a dozen!
After MSNBC’s Chris Hayes and the MSNBC crew finish taking their salad-tossing tongs to the Friday news dumps, Bill Maher’s Real Time returns to HBO with a pathetic slate of right-wingers: Bill Barr, Andrew Sullivan, and Rep. Nancy Mace (MAGA-SC). There’s also a new episode of Penn & Teller: Fool Us at 8 on the CW.
The new movies and home videos are all reviewed here at Rotten Tomatoes. The NBA schedule is here, the NFL divisional playoff schedule is here, the NHL schedule is here. Saturday night at 8 you can catch the reboot of Night Court on NBC. The very funny Aubrey Plaza (The White Lotus, Parks & Recreation) hosts SNL.
On 60 Minutes: I dunno, all my TV Guide says is “Newsmagazine with features focusing on people and blah blah blah whatevs.” Iron Man and Top Gun are on ABC and CBS Sunday night. And the weekend wraps up with a new episode of HBO’s instant-hit series The Last of Us. Now here's your Sunday morning lineup:
Meet the Press: Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV); Rep. Nancy Mace (The Cult-SC). CNN's State of the Union: Senator and Judiciary Committee Chair Dick Durbin (D-IL); Rep. Michael McCaul (The Cult-TX); Sen. Joe Manchin (D-WV); Rep. Mondaire Jones (D-NY). Big Sunday for mayors on the TV. This Week: Sen. Chris Coons (D-DE); rep. Michael McCaul (The Cult-TX); new ABC News polling with political director Rick Klein; Mayors Eric Adams (D-NYC), Karen Bass (D-Los Angeles), and Sylvester Turner (D-Houston); former Sen. Heidi Heitkamp (D-ND). Face the Nation: Senator Tim Kaine (D-VA), who announced today he’s running for a third term; Rep. Mike Turner (The Cult-OH); Mayors Francis Suarez (The Cult-Miami); LaToya Cantrell (D-New Orleans); John Giles (The Cult-Mesa); Andre Dickens (D-Atlanta). Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Reps. Josh Gottheimer (D-NJ) and Brian Fitzpatrick (The Cult-PA).
Happy viewing!
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Ten years ago in C&J: January 20, 2013
CHEERS to 1,461 days at the helm. Wow—seriously, where does the time go??? Four years and three thousand Republican filibusters since he first swore to preserve, protect and yadda yadda the yadda yadda, POTUS 44 is grayer, wiser, and rarin' to get back to work on an aggressive agenda plus whatever unexpected shit gets thrown his way. The big D.C. shindig is Monday, but on Sunday (noonish, and televised, I hope), the first Obama-Biden term officially ends and the second one begins. Here's Obama's official second-term photo, taken by the eagle-eyed Pete Souza and released today:
Here are a few of my predictions for term two, on which I'm staking my meager fortune and tarnished honor: immigration reform passes, diluted but still effective gun-death-control legislation passes, a conservative Supreme Court Justice dies in office and a liberal Justice retires, the embargo on Cuba is lifted, climate change is ignored despite a minimum of ten catastrophic weather events, DOMA disappears, world calamities are pesky but mostly manageable, he leaves office in 2017 with 57 percent approval, and doesn’t return any of my calls. [Seals predictions in mayonnaise jar] As always, if I'm wrong I'll buy you a Coke.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to longevity. French nun Sister André, the world’s oldest living person, died this week. She was born in 1904, the year when…
✞ Teddy Roosevelt won the presidential election ✞ Pope Pius X was running the Vatican—that was 10 popes ago ✞ Work on the Panama Canal began Sister André will be laid to rest with her prized knuckle rapper. (A gift from Mother Teresa.) ✞ Canada Dry Ginger Ale was invented ✞ Average wage was 22 cents an hour ✞ The Russo-Japan War started ✞ Cy Young threw the first perfect game ✞ The New York City subway system opened ✞ The International Alliance of Women was founded ✞ Dr. Seuss and Count Basie were born ✞ Average U.S. life expectancy was 47 ✞ Eggs were 14 cents a dozen
According to Sister Andre's doctor, the official cause of death was listed as an acute case of being 118. But I’m not ruling out murder by the world’s second-oldest woman in the world. (I hope it was worth the certificate and $50 cash prize…...Gladys.)
Have a great weekend. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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[END]
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