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I helped a hoarder [1]

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Date: 2023-01-19

A bit of background — Allen (his middle name) has been an artist all his life and did pretty good for himself. He drew and painted mostly ads for businesses but one speciality was animal portraits. I met Allen back around 1984 as he was a friend’s friend. I had recently moved from Florida to Connecticut to be with my partner. Allen and I just hit it off with a similar sense of humor, taste in music and collecting. I enjoyed how bohemian he was. I was invited to join him and Francine, a dessert chef, for Saturday morning breakfasts and then thrift/junk shopping on Park Street in downtown Hartford. We continued this for several years finding terrific treasures. We had many dinner parties and went dancing and bar hopping together over the years along with other friends. Allen eventually moved to Cape Cod for several years before then moving to New Jersey about ten years ago. We kept in touch and visited each other although I hadn’t seen him in about eight years. Allen had the best style of anyone that I have ever known in decorating and collecting unusual antiques. It was in the fantastic unconventional way that he displayed items and he had even done many displays in high-end business storefront windows over the years.

Here’s a few of my pets that he drew over the years.

Cleo, Jake, Philly, Okie, Coley and Molly

Cleo and Jake

Kenny Jose

Allen is quite a bit older than me and is now 82 years old. He has become blind in one eye and had open heart surgery last month. I recently received a phone call from his cousin that Allen had been released from the hospital and was now back at his apartment. The cousin who was listed as an emergency contact for Allen was contacted by the apartment manager. The building had prepared an eviction notice to be served this coming January 31st because Allen was a hoarder. Apparently they had trouble getting through the door into his apartment because of so much clutter in the entrance hall. They stated that the rest of the apartment was a complete disgusting mess. The bedroom had clothes and papers stacked almost to the ceiling with a narrow path to his bed. The bathroom had been used for storage with stacked outdoor chairs, many art frames and other items. The living room had five chairs but only one was usable as the rest were stacked with books and paperwork. There was absolutely no room in the kitchen for anything. I won’t even describe it as I think you get the picture by now. The manager feared for his safety. The cousin stated that if Allen were to be evicted that he would have no where to go. The cousin could not take him as he was caring for his wife in their small one bedroom cottage. Allen has no family other than his older sibling (90 years old) and wife but they both have very serious health issues and would be unable to take him. He has a nephew but he lives in China.

I told the cousin that I would come down and we would see what we could do. I arrived this past Saturday afternoon. The diary’s main photograph above is what we cleaned out in just five hours the first day. Allen had literally hundreds of picture frames in every room including the kitchen, some very nice antique or expensive ones but most frames were broken and cheap. We got rid of many of these as they were stacked everywhere you turned. His bedroom door would not close because of stacks of frames. We managed to get the keeper frames in his bedroom closet to where not one was visible in the apartment. Because Allen is blind in one eye and weak, he remained in the living room while we worked. He would constantly ask what we were doing and we were truthful. For the most part he was okay. Over the course of two days while we worked, every single time that we asked if he wanted to keep something the answer was always yes. Coats he had not worn in many years and now the wrong size, over twenty lamps, etc. Apparently about five years ago, he had started keeping every single piece of mail that he received including pizza shop flyers, advertisements and on and on as there were boxes full.

The cousin and I managed to do a really great job in two full days. We were proud of ourselves. We removed a desk, tables, chairs, many household items, bags and bags of clothing, papers and broken frames. Allen had demanded that we not take any “before” photographs and I understood that. When we finished there was not one item left in the entrance hall other than a rug.

His bedroom almost appears bare now.

The kitchen was cleaned and organized with countertops free of anything. We were able to do about half of the living room. Allen would not let go of his bicycle as he planned to use it again (82 with open heart surgery??). He wouldn’t let go of a deceased dog’s three leashes, feeding bowl and other dog items. The dog actually belonged to a now deceased friend of his and Allen loved that dog. He has the dog’s ashes. The cousin and I did not argue with him over things like this. Allen informed us that he planned to buy a car and move to Providence, R. I. this spring and do sidewalk portraits of people (remember he is now blind in one eye). The only thing I ever remembered being said in a high school class was when a health teacher told us “In order to have good mental health, one must always have something to look forward to”. How could I disagree with Allen if this was his dream (I’m sure it won’t happen but I won’t tell him). The cousin and I both starting to believe that he has the beginnings of dementia.

I am not sure what happened to Allen and when the hoarding started as I wasn’t around. This hit me hard. I am not sure that he even appreciated what we did for him. We informed him that we wouldn’t be able to help him again like this as it was now his responsibility to take care of the place. Before we left he placed a floor fan on the kitchen counters for no reason. He moved his bicycle back into the entrance hall. The cousin and I decided that he was trying to assert his power after having lost it for two days with us.

Afterwards, the cousin and I went out Sunday night to celebrate completing our task. We went to an 80+ year old bar in Red Bank, New Jersey. named “Brothers”. The name of the bar was appropriate as not only do I consider Allen a brother but now his cousin as well. I almost feel that I have lost my friend after 40 years of friendship as I no longer really know who he has become.

As I was leaving, Allen gave me this antique pushup candlestick made into a lamp shown below. He thanked me. Allen, I won’t give up on you and will leave a light on for you. Love you man.

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