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Ways I wish Democrats would Troll the Republicans during Speaker of the House voting [1]

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Date: 2023-01-03

I’ve been having fun all day contemplating ways in which Democrats might troll the Republicans during the Speaker of the House voting. Please understand I’m not putting these forth as likely or good ideas. Merely ways to make Republicans miserable that I find amusing. Not all of these may be possible under the rules in place.

1) Paranoia inducing nominations and voting

Pick a Republican whom Democrats know they could never actually work with and preferably will vote late in the process. Have as many Democrats as possible publicly talk with this Republican right before nominations and loudly wish them good-luck. After nominating Hakeem Jeffries have a different Democrat nominate the selected Republican. Have the first few Democrats vote for this Republican. Carefully watch the vote counts so that if Republicans started to also vote for the target that the target is unable to actually win. But run up the score as much as possible. On the next ballot pick a second target Republican and repeat the process nominating both. Be prepared with some backhanded compliments about the target Republicans when later talking to the press. Watch as the Republicans wonder if their membership has been cutting deals with the Democrats.

2) Message nominations

After having had fun with increasing paranoia, move on to nominating Liz Cheney or other never-Trumpers. Obviously only select people here if they are either okay with it or the Dems never intend on seriously pursuing that particular candidate and can afford to burn that bridge. In the nomination speech and later to the press, emphasize the positive qualities these particular Republicans have that contrasts poorly with the current pack of dunderheads.

3) Incremental time-wasting nominations

After starting with one or two message nominations, incrementally, with each vote, nominate one more person than they did last time. Done incrementally it makes it harder for Republicans to attempt to draw a line somewhere. See if you can end up spending the whole day on just one round of nominations.

4) Purposely invalid nominations

Pick a set of nominees that are not qualified to become speaker either due to being a non-citizen, dead, or otherwise disqualifying. For example they could nominate Volodoymyr Zelenskyy, or John McCain, or Santa Claus. Then if the Republicans don’t object, have a different Democrat object to the nomination in order to waste as much time as possible.

5) Confusing Nominations

Democrats could nominate Jim Jordon … of Georgia. And hopefully also find a different Kevin McCarthy to nominate. Then every time someone votes without specifying which Jordon or McCarthy, they get to waste a little time with clarification. Ideally they would find a different Jim Jordon in Ohio so it would take more than the state to differentiate. Bonus points for someone who works as a sales representative to make the title vague as well.

I’d love to hear your ideas as well. Remember, these are not serious suggestions so please don’t get worked up over why they wouldn’t work. I’m just having a little fun.

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