(C) Daily Kos
This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered.
. . . . . . . . . .
Cheers and Jeers: Tuesday [1]
['Backgroundurl Avatar_Large', 'Nickname', 'Joined', 'Created_At', 'Story Count', 'N_Stories', 'Comment Count', 'N_Comments', 'Popular Tags', 'Showtags Popular_Tags']
Date: 2023-01-03
» I shall peacefully resolve Daily Kos pie fights with my superior negotiating and arbitration skills, just as soon as we resolve our 20-year pie fight over the shape of the negotiating table. » I shall think more about world peace, economic justice and environmental health…or my insatiable need for cheap consumer goods that'll be thrown out the moment they get a scratch on them or the batteries need changing, whichever comes first. » I shall reduce the number of distractions in my life by As always, I shall continue firming and toning my person using only the finest in cutting-edge fitness accoutrements. » I shall continue my 58-year streak of not putting a hole in someone with a firearm. Sorry, but I can’t make the same pledge about lawn darts. » I shall do more good deeds. Starting with deprogramming the old lady across the street from drooling whenever I ring her doorbell. » I shall remember what is best in life: “Destroy the Republicans, see them driven before me, and hear the lamentation of the House majority leader.” » I shall make myself available as a strongman in any nation with plunderable resources. » I shall achieve consequential goals, much like the way George Santos cured cancer, defeated ISIS, and was the NBA’s MVP six years in a row. » Last but not least, I vow to continue getting my motherf*cking boosters as needed and wearing my motherf*cking mask in public indoor spaces, just as I hope you'll vow to continue pardoning my French.
Wish me luck. And now, our feature presentation…
-
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, January 3, 2023
Note: Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes, eyes and ears and mouth and nose, plus Allison with sports and Dave's complete forecast, tonight on NewsCenter at 6 and 11.
-
By the Numbers:
8 days!!!
Days 'til Martin Luther King Jr. Day: 13
Days 'til Michigan's Great Beer Conference and Trade Show in Kalamazoo: 8
Estimated percent drop in murders in large U.S. cities in 2022: -5%
Number of meals prepared last year by Chef Jose Andres' World Central Kitchen: 195 million
Percent drop in Tesla's stock price in 2022: -70%
Minimum amount in cheating-on-his-wife hush money that Donald Trump wrote off on his taxes as a "business expense": $130,000
Age of Barbara Walters when she died last week: 93
-
Puppy Pic of the Day: In Virginia…Saved x 10!!!
-
CHEERS to January!! Anyone who enjoys winter sports is in heaven this month!! And hot clam chowder (or your favorite soup, since it's Soup Month) on a frigid snowy day is unbeatable!! But watch out, because that dastardly Covid-19—variants and all—is still lurking in the bushes, and the unvaccinated morons are still all-too-happy to spread it around!!
January is named after the god Janus who, like Joe Manchin, is a two-faced oddity.
Politically, Democrats maintain their grip on the Senate, the House becomes a MAGA monkey cage, and Joe Biden’s presidency turns two on the 20th!! Meanwhile, we sit and wait for either Georgia or the DOJ to start handing out Trump indictments!!
Plus: insulin only costs 35 bucks a month for seniors now!! It’s Clean Your Computer Month!! Be Kind to Food Servers Month!! FDR's birthday!! Australia Day!! National Pie Day!! California Dried Plum Digestive Health Month!! Friday is Static Electricity Day, aka The Day the Cat Disappears Into the Closet and Doesn't Come Out Until the Day After Static Electricity Day!!
We get a "Full Wolf Moon" on Friday, and ten days later it’s MLK Jr. Day!! Here’s an interesting bit of trivia: Tomorrow is National Trivia Day!! And best of all, this month exclamation points are buy-one-get-one-free!! Whee!! What fun!!
JEERS to January. It’s dark all the time and I can’t feel my toes. Anyone know how to safely induce a coma ‘til spring? (Oh, right…silly me. Just turn on the Hallmark Channel.)
JEERS to our microscopic overlords. As we ring in a new year, Covid-19 continues baffling and befuddling us. As the CDC, WHO, and other health organizations and governments continue monitoring the situation (China’s having a really rough go of it at the moment, and God only knows how bad things really are in places like Russia and North Korea), Cheers and Jeers will continue providing timely updates so you can stay armed with the cutting-edge knowledge you need to stay healthy and alive. Here's what we know as of today, Tuesday, January 3th, 2023: the cult of the unvaccinated can go f*ck themselves. Join us for our next update tomorrow morning, which will probably look a lot like today's.
CHEERS to saying farewell. I shouldn’t harsh on someone when he's no longer around to defend himself, but I have this "Be Rude and Obnoxious FREE" card and it expires tomorrow, so I really have no choice. Pope Ratzinger—I prefer the name with the rodent in it over the more pleasant-sounding "Benedict"—died over the weekend at the age of 666. I actually give him a pass for being part of the Hitler Youth…as if he had a choice in that matter. But he was still made of nasty stuff. Even when he smiled he sneered. He wallowed in Vatican politics and, like all right-wing politicians, worked tirelessly on behalf of those in his ranks who were horrible human beings. God is love, he would say, even as he condemned everyone to hell who didn’t do his bidding. So it goes.
All the popes in the pizza are sad today.
Now he's shuffled off his mortal coil for a face-to-face meeting with The Boss. And this is the moment where, by my own self-imposed rule, I have to say something nice about the departed. [Long pause.] He was s snazzy dresser. Amen.
-
BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
x Just like it was drawn up!
Down 2 with 2 seconds left calls for a back to the basket behind the head heave to win it at the buzzer! #SCTop10 @SportsCenter pic.twitter.com/QX2Ttbt7jV — CJ Lohmiller™ (@lohmillerconnor) December 31, 2022
-
END BRIEF SANITY BREAK
-
CHEERS to routing the redcoats. 246 years ago this week, in 1777 during our War of Independence, George Washington's army drove back a British attack at the Battle of Assunpink Creek and Municipal Airport near Trenton, New Jersey. This was the follow-up to Washington's famous crossing of the Delaware, where he defeated the Hessians by using the aroma of fresh pan-fried wienerschnitzel to lure them into a giant pit:
General William Howe, the British Commander-in-Chief of North America was furious with the defeat at Trenton. He canceled Lieutenant General Charles Cornwallis' scheduled leave to Britain for the winter and ordered him to Princeton immediately. […] Only known photo from the 1777 Battle of Assunpink Creek. Washington's men held back three assaults from the British, felling hundreds of British soldiers in the process, causing Cornwallis to hold a council to decide what to do. … Washington took advantage of the break. … When Cornwallis arose in the morning, to his horror, Washington's entire army was gone.
You might say Cornwallis got his...Assunpink handed to him. Ha Ha Ha!!! (Aren't you glad C&J is around for a whole 'nother year of this? Me, too.)
CHEERS to a cool d...d...dip. They do it every year to raise money for Natural Resource Council of Maine, and this year hundreds of masochists with big hearts and hard nipples participated in southern Maine's annual Polar Bear Dip and Dash—which includes a headlong plunge into the 44-degree Atlantic Ocean that gets played out in a hundred similar ways by various groups up and down the east coast. Afterward the Ladies Auxiliary used marimba mallets to play the classics on the men's cojones. The Flight of the Bumble Bee was particularly festive.
-
Ten years ago in C&J: January 3, 2013
CHEERS to the fightin' 113th! With the possible exception of inauguration day, this is the awesomest day of the whole month. Let's unpack our late holiday present, shall we?
Joe Lieberman: Out. Chris Murphy: In!
Scott Brown: Out. Elizabeth Warren: In!
Allen West: Out. Patrick Murphy: In!
Kent Conrad: Out. Heidi Heitkamp: In!
Olympia Snowe: Out. Angus "Mustache of Independence" King: In!
Joe Walsh: Out. Tammy Duckworth: In!
Dick Lugar: Out. Joe Donnelly: In.
Ben Nelson: Out.
Alan Grayson: In!
Todd Akin: Out.
Mazei Horono, Tammy Baldwin and Martin Heinrich: In!
Joe Biden will administer the oaths in the Senate. John Boehner will administer the oaths in the House. For those of you keeping score, we have 53 Dems and 2 Dem-caucusing independents in the Senate, and 200 Dems in the House. And I bought 'em all air horns.
-
And just one more…
CHEERS to the Last Frontier. On January 3rd, 1959, President Dwight Eisenhower signed a proclamation making Alaska (or, as we say in Maine: “Alasker”)—all 656,425 square miles of it—our 49th state. The word is Aleutian for "Great Land." The state flower is the forget-me-not, the state fish is the king salmon, and the state mammal is the bowhead whale. Here’s Ike unveiling the 49-star flag, which was used for only eight months before Hawaii added #50. I have to think that if you own one o’ these babies, you’re sittin’ on an Antiques Roadshow goldmine:
Meanwhile the Alaska state flag has eight stars. One for each Palin family brawl involving the cops.
Have a tolerable Tuesday. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
-
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial Bill in Portland Maine Becomes First Person in History to Lose 200 Billion Kiddie Pools —Mediaite
-
[END]
---
[1] Url:
https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/1/3/2144702/-Cheers-and-Jeers-Tuesday
Published and (C) by Daily Kos
Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified.
via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds:
gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/
