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Weight Problems from Two Directions [1]

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Date: 2023-01-01

Calibration must be needed

This crossed my mind today not because I’m committing to any New Year resolutions (I never do), but because a lot of other people tend to dwell on weight at this time of year. I’m probably a bit of an oddity in the body image world, because I’ve experienced problems with being severely underweight and am now struggling to not gain weight. My experience really opened my eyes to people who struggle with obesity and are not believed when they blame biology rather than poor dietary and exercise habits.

For most of my life, I’ve been the guy who can eat anything and everything and not put on weight. When I graduated from high school, I weighed somewhere around 115 pounds at 6 ft tall. I looked sickly and no one was afraid to tell me so. In restaurants, I was expected to order whatever meal was the largest and got comments if I didn’t eat it all. If I didn’t want desert, the servers would often tell me that I should so I could put on some weight. In school, I got tagged with weight related nicknames (I won’t repeat here). I’ve covered my body as much as possible since my early 20’s because I just don’t want people to see my figure and I hate swimming or any other activity that might involve strangers seeing what my body looks like. And to make matters worse, exactly zero people have sympathy for the guy who can’t put on weight, so there’s no one to talk to. Mentioning that I didn’t appreciate negative comments about my weight was sometimes regarded as fat shaming, despite saying nothing about other people or their problems.

So, after gorging myself on an objectively unhealthy diet for decades, I finally reached the normal “healthy” weight range. I stayed that way at a relatively stable weight for a few years until I started a new bipolar medication. The doctor warned about possible weight gain, which I poo-pooed. That certainly wouldn’t be a problem for me. Then a couple of months later, in the shower, I noticed that I had a belly. Out of nowhere. Something in my body had changed and now it was a struggle to not gain a pound or two a week — I was already active and increasing activity had no effect. I really had to work to change my diet and I periodically go through periods when I’m hungry all the time now. My muffin top seems to be permanent.

I always believed that biology had a big role to play in weight and moralistically blaming people for bad habits was really unfair. But after experiencing a rapid change in my own biology, it became obvious how difficult it really is to lose weight by just exercising and eating less. Sure, that works for some people, but others really do have an almost malevolent biology that works against anything they do. Or they could, like me, be forced to choose between treating an illness and dealing with weight gain. Don’t blame them or tell them that they aren’t working hard enough.

The moral is, don’t tell people that they need to change their bodies for the better no matter what they look like. They know and they don’t want or need your advice or opinion unless they ask. Don’t tell people who struggle with gaining weight that they have a “desirable” problem and to stop complaining. They can have body image problems just as well as anyone else and shouldn’t feel the need to hide away just to avoid the unwelcome commentary. Similarly, don’t treat obese people as lazy slobs who made their own beds by making bad choices. Maybe and maybe not, but it isn’t your place to cast judgement. This goes for medical professionals as well, who are all to often oblivious to what goes on with real people’s bodies when it comes to weight.

To quote Kurt Vonnegut: “There’s only one rule that I know of, babies—God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.”

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[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/1/1/2144806/-Weight-Problems-from-Two-Directions

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