(C) Daily Kos
This story was originally published by Daily Kos and is unaltered.
. . . . . . . . . .



Kitchen Table Kibitzing: Memories [1]

['This Content Is Not Subject To Review Daily Kos Staff Prior To Publication.', 'Backgroundurl Avatar_Large', 'Nickname', 'Joined', 'Created_At', 'Story Count', 'N_Stories', 'Comment Count', 'N_Comments', 'Popular Tags']

Date: 2022-12-29

I just returned from having a late breakfast with a friend I haven’t seen in 37 years. She drove over from San Mateo and we connected at a cafe in Sausalito. We were best friends in the late seventies when we both lived in the Noe Valley neighborhood of San Francisco. We met in a bar, Finnegan’s Wake, which became the hangout of the 30-somethings for its pool table, great jukebox, and gregarious owners.

Her eyes were the same smokey blue and I remembered as I watched her certain mannerisms she has held onto. I don’t really think I would have recognized her if I hadn’t seen recent pictures which showed her hair is long and straight and blondish now. She seemed taller than I remember (or perhaps I’ve shrunk an inch or two).

But it was the ease I felt in her company that was most enticing. I wouldn’t say it was as if time hadn’t passed; no, it wasn’t that. It was more that the things which mattered, the connection we had had nearly 40 years ago still seemed solid. There was an innate trust, and a keen interest in discovering the major life experiences she has been through, which was reciprocated.

What was essential in each of us had remained basically unchanged.

Do you have any old friends you would like to reconnect with?

In a New York Times article, How to Revive a Friendship, Kayleen Schaefer, author of “Text me When You Get Home: The Evolution and Triumph of Modern Female Friendship,” suggests being upfront with why you’re reaching out after so much time has gone by. If you miss the person, be open about that.

Noting it takes bravery and some risk, she likens reconnection to initiating a courting process: “You have to show the best side of yourself, which is probably your most honest, upfront side.” If you happen to be going through a similar life experience or stage at the same time, drop a line and ask to trade stories or advice. These kinds of targeted conversations will allow for a genuine connection without coming across as intrusive or prying, Ms. Kirmayer said. “It also gives you the chance to rekindle your relationship more organically,” she said. “That is, without having to directly address why your friendship ended.” This approach will help start your renewed friendship off on the right foot.

In our case, I really don’t recall why our friendship ended. Our lives were just quite different. I moved out to West Marin, quit drinking, married, and had a daughter. She remained in San Francisco, quit drinking, and found a new group of friends to hang out with. Circumstances changed.

I was the one who initiate contact with her again when our mutual friend told me I could get in touch with her via Facebook. I don’t use FB very often but I wrote her and she wrote right back. This was in November and we’ve been corresponding ever since. She suggested we get together over the holidays.

And so we spent about two and a half hours together today, finishing our meal and then walking my dog out to the houseboats.

I’m looking forward to seeing her again.

So how are your holidays going? This is, as usual, an open thread.

[END]
---
[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2022/12/29/2144260/-Kitchen-Table-Kibitzing-Memories

Published and (C) by Daily Kos
Content appears here under this condition or license: Site content may be used for any purpose without permission unless otherwise specified.

via Magical.Fish Gopher News Feeds:
gopher://magical.fish/1/feeds/news/dailykos/