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I was Donald J. Trump for Halloween [1]

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Date: 2022-11-07

My goal for Halloween was to scare people into voting. Really scare their pants off so they vote on November 8th. I wanted to go as a real monster, so I dressed up as the 45th President of the United States, Donald J. Trump. Let me tell you, the costume was scary, but the behavior was worse. I spent a night in Trump’s shoes and being Trump changed my perspective on life. I didn’t just look like him, I transformed into him. And it scared the hell out of me.

It started with slathering a mixture of white and yellow cotton candy on to my head to create Trump’s signature hair tornado with its unique color that I like to call “fake gold.” Next step was to apply an obscene amount of Cheeto dust to my face while avoiding the eyes in order to achieve Trump’s perfect “old white eyes” look. I took great pains to make sure my red (square) tie appropriately hung to my thighs. Lastly, I glued toilet paper to the bottom on my shoes to show people where all my ideas come from. And like a wish granted by The Great Pumpkin, my hands shrunk by 50% and my narcissism exploded by a 1,000,000%.

I am no longer me. I am Donald J. Trump.

Many many people told me it was the greatest costume in the history of Halloween. Yes, it was made in CHI-NA, but I am the greatest deal maker, and I made a great deal to get the cheapest costume.

But I was taking candy from Americans made by a great American company who makes their candy in Mexico. My favorite candy is Almond Joy because sometimes I feel like a nut. Middle class Americans were giving something of value to a rich guy and got nothing in return. HaHa! That’s what real Republicans do. Take from the lower classes and give it to the billionaires. I call it trickle-down trick or treating.

Trump is not a RINO. Trump isn’t out there like Liz Cheney giving kids candy. What real Republican gives anything to kids? We’re Pro-Life, not Pro-Kids. A real Republican who wants to Make America Great Again takes candy away from kids. Take away something they love, much like real Republicans take away rights that the woke, socialist, communist libs love. Trump takes away candy to protect kids the same way I took away reproductive rights to ensure that there are kids to take candy away from in the future! The media says my trickle-down trick or treating is bad. Fake News!

Trump is the best trick or treater. To me trick or treating is just like golf. In both I get to ride around in a golf cart and lie to people. In golf I lie about my score. Did you know I got 20 holes in one on an 18-hole golf course? I’m the only one to ever do that. When I trick or treat, I lie about my candy. I always get the most, best, biggest candy. People say my candy isn’t big, but it’s the biggest candy, nobody has ever complained about my candy. Eric, Donny and Ivanka go with me and then I take all their candy. Eric always cries, Donny blames Hilary and Ivanka knows that I don’t want the candy to go to her hips. Fake News!

The night Trump went trick or treating was the best night. There was no moon and no stars in sky. Trump couldn’t believe that just for Trump everyone in the entire universe turned off their lights so Trump would have the scariest, darkest night in the history of nights. The weatherman said it was just cloudy. What does he know! Him and his fake science and degree from a liberal woke college. I am the only one who knows weather. I have the best weather! I am a stable genius! Fake News!

I was very sad trick or treating because everyone was wearing masks and I didn’t understand why. The CHI-NA flu was a hoax! Plus, I cured COVID with bleach! Nobody needs to wear a mask. Fauci is taking away your rights! Fauci is a disaster. The media says that COVID was bad, but Fox News says it a fake plot to hurt Trump. The horrible horrible mainstream media. Say it with me, Fake News!

When I was out trick or treating I saw so many witches, just like all the witch hunts that Pelosi has led against me. The Russia Russia Russia witch hunt. My perfect phone call witch hunt. The fake dossier witch hunt. My taxes witch hunt. The stealing national secrets witch hunt. So many witch hunts in only one term! It was all Fake News!

I saw kids dressed as Person, Woman, Man, Camera, TV. Trump knows that! Trump said it over and over because Donald Trump has a very, very large brain. I am a stable genius. Fake News!

A seven-year-old said he got more candy than Trump. Impossible! Trick or treating was rigged! It was a fraud Halloween. There was fake candy, so much fake candy, you wouldn’t believe the amount of fake candy. And people were giving him candy early on Halloween. You can’t get candy early. How do you know it is legal candy? Plus, he got candy from people who shouldn’t be giving out candy in our town! He stole Halloween! Build a wall around him! Frankly, Trump had more candy than anyone ever had. Listen, I had more candy if you deduct the millions of pieces of candy people gave that kid illegally. Trump won and we are going to march to the haunted house and demand that trick or treating be done over and that Trump is made Halloween King! Anything less is Fake NEWS!!

When I finally snapped back to reality, my wife wanted to divorce me, and all my neighbors were calling the cops. Being Trump is crazy. And if you don’t vote on November 8th, his crazy sycophants are going to pave a path for Trump to become president again. Vote so we don’t have real monsters doing real harm.

I’m scared that the Cheeto dust won’t wash off my face.

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[1] Url: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2022/11/7/2134225/-I-was-Donald-J-Trump-for-Halloween

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