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Bad allies: F-ing White Knights [1]
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Date: 2022-11-05
Sir Galahad (image from Wikipedia)
F-ing White Knights
The average cis person does not realize this. Did you know that if a human male body consumes estrogen it can damage that person’s ability to think and function?
That is why all trans women need White Knights to rush in and save them!
All that estrogen has fried the poor trans woman’s cerebral cortex.
Its a “good” thing us trans women have the f-ing White Knights to save our poor selves from the harsh world.
Paula Stone’s video talks about her “loss of intelligence”.
I really hope you caught the snark there.
Estrogen has no impact on intelligence. However, based on my experience and other trans women’s experience you would think it does.
White Knight behaviors
Let me double check your work ... again and again
In this case, the men want to make sure that the woman's work is perfect. No, they INSIST the woman's work must always be perfect. A woman’s work can never be perfect unless a man has given their seal of approval.
The white male's work is always good enough.
Oh goodness me, that woman just can't do the job as well as the men. And look how slow she is at getting her work approved.
The presumption:
The woman's work must be presumed to have a flaw. While the man probably did a good enough job that only needs a cursory inspection to get a seal of approval.
God help me as a trans woman. In the White Knight’s eyes:
A trans woman started off “smart” and then “chose” to become “stupid”. The trans woman is probably dumber than even a cis woman. Double checking is not enough. Triple checking is needed.
I have decades of experience. I have had my work questioned by a man with less than 4 years of experience. He got me fired.
What you can do:
When reviewing a woman or trans person’s work, hold back on demands of perfection. Pay attention to how you give men the benefit of the doubt. Actively fight your own unconscious bias in this regards. Please don’t be a douchebag and think you are bias free.
White knight to the rescue
In this case, the noble knight sees our fair damsel in distress and rushes to help. Or in less flowery language, a woman is giving a presentation and getting grilled by the CEO. Maybe omg she is struggling with the answers.
Our knight rushes in and....
sends the message that the woman is:
incapable
dependent
weak
ineffectual
unprepared
Often times the White Knight knows nothing of the project. They manage to confuse, befuddle and destroy the woman's credibility.
Often times they are surprisingly hurt that the damsel-in-distress does not show the proper appreciation for their (unasked-for) "assistance".
The presumption:
A woman struggling should be rescued, whereas a man can handle getting out of the mess himself.
This pisses me off. I got dinged on an manager interview by Asana. I was asked, if I would step into help a woman direct struggling in a presentation. I said, No. The f-ing cis white male managers labeled that as “Candidate was not supporting her directs”. F-ing no. In my answer I talked about the prep before the meeting. During the meeting, I am not going to be an F-ing White Knight.
Struggle is part of learning. Support her with prep assistance. Let her demonstrate her resilience. Support her visibly but with her still leading the effort. Ask questions, do not make assertions.
That's o.k. I got this ...
This is the underling who is given a chance to present their portion of the woman manager's project. And. Will. Not. Stop. Talking. They are so proud of their portion of the project that they can't give up the mic. The woman manager is put in this uncomfortable position of trying to verbally wrestle back the mic from the strutting rooster.
In a particular bit of gall, the strutting rooster is credited with being "the man", the reason for the success of the project and is promoted.
Pass the baton back. Quickly and respectfully. Especially when other males are quizzing you. “I think Paula has some other things to cover in this meeting. I am happy to answer further questions offline” If someone else is doing the strutting, you can still pipe up with similar statements.
.. I was your number one fan
This person is one of the above characters. The woman manager managed to shut them down. And now they are upset. They are now are refusing to be helpful. They stop acting like a team member. Rather than calling out obstacles, the ex-number one fan is busy trying to drive the team into the obstacles. They are going to prove how important they are!
I have discovered that disagreeing with men gets me labeled as a bitch.
Even.
When.
I.
Am.
Behaving.
The.
Same.
As.
When.
I.
Was.
Male.
F-ing White Knights
[END]
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[1] Url:
https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2022/11/5/2133511/-Bad-allies-F-ing-White-Knights
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