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Who would have thought we would be threatened not by another Hitler, but by a bunch of Frank Burns? [1]

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Date: 2022-11-04

Apologies to Larry Linville, you'll forever be known as ferret face.

I recently bought all 11 Seasons of the TV show MASH as it makes great background filler while I’m working. I grew up with it as a kid, so I know all the episodes and there is that comforting nostalgia to just hearing the music. Two things have struck me while watching it.

First, for a show that seems to attempt to portray Second Wave feminism, it ends up with just about every episode being a case study in sexual harassment in the workplace. As the harassment is pretty much always portrayed as funny, it’s hard to write it off as a case study of that era in a way that the Marvel series “Agent Carter” does. I’m still able to watch, know the harassment is not right, not laugh at it, but still find the other funny parts funny. I just can’t ever show it to my kids until they’re much older than I was when I first started watching it.

My second big observation, is that the entire MAGA movement is better portrayed as a bunch of Frank Burns than it is as most other fascist regimes. Please don’t understand me as saying it isn’t dangerous. It’s very dangerous. It’s just sad the main antagonists of my era are closer to old ferret face than they are to a proper bunch of villains.

Don’t buy the connection? Let’s walk through some MASH reruns. Larry Linville leaves the show in the transition from Season 5 to 6, so the early episodes it is. I’ll do my best to give specific examples of episodes for traits, but with 122 episodes in the first 5 seasons I’m going off of memory. If anyone wants me to advance me money for a book deal on this, then I’ll be happy to put in the proper research. Until that point I’ll do my best with my limited free time.

An Incompetent who falls upward due to privilege.

Frank is frequently portrayed as an incompetent bungling Doctor. In Season 2, Episode 22 “George” we even learn he cheated on exams to get through Med School. He apparently comes from means as he took twice as long to get through Med School as anyone else. His rank of Major allows for plot lines where Hawkeye and company get to buck authority with Blake or Potter always coming to the rescue. Of course as he leaves the show, after committing several infractions, instead of getting put in the stockade or court marshaled, he gets promoted and sent stateside.

My favorite example of his incompetence is “Five O’clock Charlie”. In this episode the camp has been visited each day by a North Korean pilot who every day at 5 drops a single bomb and misses a nearby ammo dump. Frank gets an artillery gun and leads a “Platoon” of 3. When they attempt to shoot down Charlie, they miss (thanks to Hawk and Trapper) and hit the ammo dump.

A Patriot who doesn’t understand what that is

Frank (and to a lesser extent Margaret) are frequently portrayed as complete, dyed in the wool, passionate patriots. They take every opportunity to wave the flag, frequently advancing the plot as their misguided patriotism leads the rest of the camp to revolt against their oppressive imposition of pointless order on the rest of the camp. Frequently found in episodes where Henry is away and Frank takes over, Frank uses his newfound power to advance petty, small agendas that often serve no purpose other than advancing his own fever dreams. Season 1 Episode 9 “Henry, Please come home” is a good example out of many. Other good episodes are when the CIA agent Colonel Flag comes around. Frank is always ready to side with the ethically challenged Col. Flag no matter how odious the results may be.

Hypocritical

However much Frank may pretend to follow the rules and be the good patriot, he has no qualms looking the other way when it serves his purpose. In Season 3, Episode 9 “Alcoholics Unanimous” Frank is again in charge and declares the camp to be dry. It’s not long before Frank discovers Margaret has a flask of brandy. Instead of confiscating it, they decide that its “nerve medicine” and she’s allowed to keep it. If this isn’t the right wing approach to Abortion I don’t know what is. Impose your own sense of morality upon others but excuse a select few. The episode even has everyone in camp being ordered to attend the Sunday Worship service where Father Mulcahy has been ordered to give a sermon on temperance.

Another couple quick examples: In Season 4, Episode 14 “The Gun” Frank ends up stealing the gun of a wounded officer. Again, to Frank its okay to break the rules others are forced to abide by. In Season 2, Episode 21 “Crisis” the camp is cut off from supplies and everyone has to ration. Frank and Margaret are of course the ones to decide its okay for them to eat a special meal just for themselves.

Greedy

Frank is often motivated by personal gain. Early on his is tricked into not leaving the camp believing there is gold in the local stream. Another example amongst many is his investment in military stocks which Hawk tricks him again with.

Projects himself to be masculine and brave while being a coward.

Frank on countless occasions shows himself to be the coward. Whether its passing out, hiding, or weaseling out it’s almost always Hawkeye to be the brave one.

But also a bully

Frank has no problems pushing around those over whom he has power. He’ll use his authority to push around Radar, other enlisted men, or the nurses. When he makes a mistake he’ll blame it on a nurse.

And he’s a bigot

In Season 2, Episode 22 “George” his homophobia is on full display. He also has disdain for pretty much anyone who is not a WASP.

And with that, I must go. Sorry to run out of steam, but you get the idea. It just stuns me how the GOP is full of people who embody pretty much everything about Frank Burns. Burns is a fiction character meant to be a ridiculous foil. We wasn’t supposed to be believable. And now we have a Republican Party full of people even more ridiculous.

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